there...and perhaps back again
by two stupid gits
Summary: the *tragic* tale of two sad sad girls and their (unsuccessful)(yet incredibly hilarious) attempts to snag their loves (see below)
1. pokey and gumby

Nothing is ours. The end. 

Lucy loves Legolas.

That is all. (but there are spoilers for books 2 and 3. Bwahahaha.)

'Bloody hell, I am bored. Bor-ed. Bored. I'm bored,' Lucy said brightly to her friend. 

'Hmm. I agree,' said Sarah-jane in a lazy fashion.

And so it was.

Lucy was struck with a sudden inspiration as she stared at the very large paster than took up half her wall. The four hobbits, two men, dwarf, elf, and wizard stared back at her and she thought for a moment that Frodo had winked at her. This triggered her odd little brain to be suddenly inspired. A brilliant completely-un-boring plan began to form in her thoughtful head and she burst out laughing at her own ingeniousness. 'I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T- ohh, I mean, S-M-A-R-T!' 

Her best friend looked at her incredulously. 

'I'm in LOVE!' She explained as if this was extremely obvious.

'Oh,' S-j answered knowingly. She faltered. 'Who are you in love with?' 

'My Silvan prince, of course, mon petite grenouille!'

'Hmm…slowly backing away…'

'Why, LEGOLAS, you daft frog. Do you not see his beauty? His long shiny hair? His BODY?' Lucy sighed happily and for a moment could not speak, as she was dreaming of she and Legolas doing unspeakable things. 

'Yes. Well. He is, um, in a book,' 

Lucy looked up. 'What are you trying to say?' She asked dangerously. 

'Nothing!' Said Sarah-jane hurriedly. 'Just that- well, if he's in a book and we are not in a book, then we'd better get into a book.' She frowned for a moment, as after all the idea of "getting into a book" was slightly far fetched to say the least.

Lucy, however, did not think so. 'YES! Well done, my precious! Come. There is work to be done.'

For the next few weeks, the two friends spent much of their time in the library's restricted section- or they would have been had their library had a restricted section, but that's not the point.

Lucy slammed down her book in frustration. 'There's nothing!' She cried. 'No one will tell us how to get into a book.'

Sarah-jane soothed her. 'Don't worry. We shall find it.'

Lucy scowled. 'If Gumby could do it, we can do it,' she declared.

'That's the spirit,' Sarah-jane said cheerfully.

They sat in silence for a moment, chewing their pens.

'I've got it!' Lucy shrieked, causing Sarah-jane to fall off her chair in fright. Lucy did not notice, and continued ranting. 'If we dress up as Gumby and Pokey, maybe the books'll get confused and let us in and- and-' she lowered her voice for dramatic emphasis- 'we'll be in middle-earth.' 

'Oooh,' Sarah-jane whispered from her landing place on the floor.

------

'Just put on the damn leggings.'

Sarah-jane pouted, holding in her hands a pair of bright red leggings that matched the top she was wearing. 'I refuse to wear these.'

Lucy sighed in exasperation. 'I'm wearing these!' She indicated to the green track pants and top she was wearing.

'But they're not red and they're not tight and you don't have a tail pinned to your bum!' 

'You're POKEY! He's a donkey! He's meant to have a tail! You can't be Pokey if you're not red and you don't have a tail.' 

'How come I have to be the donkey?' Sarah-jane asked sulkily.

'Because you are shorter than me. Now hurry up. I want my elf.'

After much bother, they were as Pokey-ish and Gumby-ish as any 14 and 15 year old girl could hope to be in public. Just then, Sarah-jane made a strange frustrated grumble noise. 'Oh poo! I've got a run in my stockings.'

'Erm…you aren't wearing stockings, my dear insane friend,' Lucy said nervously.

'Yes, but I've always wanted to say that.'

Lucy abruptly changed the subject to the most important of them all: 

Tricking books into thinking they were the real Pokey + Gumby.

'So.' Said Sarah-jane, fiddling with her non-existent stockings.

Lucy was deep in thought. 'Maybe you should neigh,' she suggested.

She scowled at her friend. 'Why don't we introduce ourselves, or something? You say "I am Gumby. This here is Pokey." And then we jump in.'

'You know, that might just work,' Lucy said enthusiastically. 'Whose copy of The Lord of the Rings should we use?'

'Um.'

'Mine is in better shape than yours. If we use yours there might be big dark spaces where it fell apart or something.'

'Does it really work like that?' Sarah-jane asked, interested.

Lucy shrugged. 'Dunno. This is my first time, remember.'

'Ok. Now I have a very important question to ask before we jump in to see my Pippin.'

'Oh, hurry up then,' Lucy said as if it were a pain to be kept away from her love much longer.

'Well, how will we get out again?'

'Pardon me?' 

'How will we get out again,' she said slowly so that her friend would be sure to understand. 'Out of the book, Lucy.'

'Why ever would anyone want to leave?' Lucy said incredulously.

'Well, hmmm, I don't know…maybe because we were BORN IN REALITY?!!'

'You have a point and it is duly noted,' Lucy said dismissively.

If not for the ever present pining Sarah-jane had for Pippin, she probably would have backed out of the whole Gumby - Lord of the Rings thing. Instead, she tried again to reason with Lucy and to get her out of her Legolas daze. The task before her would not be easy.

'Our families will wonder where we are and even our not-quite-as-obsessed with Lord of the Rings friends will be slightly worried concerning our whereabouts.'

'Oh, they'll get over it,' Lucy said airily, her thoughts still focused upon a certain elf.

'You think?' Sarah-jane asked doubtfully.

'Oh, of course. We'll send them a postcard from Rivendell or something.'

'Well. I s'pose so.'

'Good girl. Now run along and fetch the book.' Lucy picked up a mirror nearby and touched up on the green face paint Sarah-jane had recently applied [rather thickly] to her face.

Sarah-jane reappeared a moment later holding a slightly battered copy of The Lord of the Rings. 

'What will we be?' She asked, handing it to Lucy.

'What d'you mean?' Lucy said absently, stroking the cover of the book with love.

'Well we have to be something don't we? We can't be human.'

'Yes, humans suck.'

'Except Faramir and Aragorn,' Sarah-jane remembered. 'And Boromir. Although he did sort of die…' she trailed off.

'We shall save him!' Lucy yelled loudly.

'We shall?'

'Why of course.'

'Yes. Anyway. Will we be hobbits or elves?'

Lucy gave her a look. 'Obviously I will be an elf.'

'Obviously.'

'It would be hard to kiss Legolas if I was half his height, you see.'

Sarah-jane nodded. 'Can I be a hobbit then?'

'A hobbit?'

'Yes. It would be hard to kiss Pippin if I was twice his height. The bending down business is tiring, I assume.'

Lucy shrugged. 'If you wish.'

'Will we have different names?'

'Yes. I shall be…Luthien.'

Sarah-jane blinked. 'Wasn't she the most beautiful elf?'

'Yeah.'

'Well then…how come-'

'How come what?' Lucy asked menacingly. Sarah-jane seemed to change her mind

'Oh…nothing. It's very fitting.'

'I thought so,' Lucy said smugly.

'And I shall name myself…Elanor, after Sam's daughter. Oh, and the pretty flower.'

'Yes, yes, very good. Very fitting also.' Lucy said somewhat un-enthusiastically. 

'It starts with E,' Sarah-jane informed her. 

'Well done. I love Legolas.' Lucy suddenly appeared to have forgotten something. (Ie; she shrieked and dashed off.)

Sarah-jane aka Pokey aka Elanor sat alone for several minutes, with thoughts of Pippin and sugarplums dancing through her head until Lucy came back, gasping and clutching (gently) a stack of pictures. 

'I almost forgot.'

Sarah-jane waited patiently.

'How could I forget?' Lucy wailed. 

Still her friend was silent.

'Aren't you going to ask what I forgot?'

Oh, yes. What did you forget, oh Luthien most beautiful of Elves?'

'Very good, minion. My Legolas pictures!' She exclaimed with a gasp.

Sarah-jane glanced at the pile doubtfully. 'Are you sure you'll need those? Won't you be seeing him?' 

'But what if we don't meet him straight away?'

'Then you shall have to go without. We must have room for all the essentials.'

'What could possibly be more essential than pictures of Legolas?'

'Food.'

'You really are a hobbit,' Lucy muttered grumpily. 'Nevertheless,' she continued clearly, 'I will do this painful thing you ask of me. For few have the immense pleasure, the holy goodness, the clever cunning, and the strong love shared between my darling and I to not let such a silly thing as books and reality come between them. I'm Lucy Marker. This is my story. "They kissed. The end."'

'That was a pretty short story.'

'Oh blah, blah, blah. Now hup-two. I am becoming impatient. My love is waiting.' She placed the book delicately up against the wall. 'How do we get into this thing?'

'We jump,' Sarah-jane said confidently.

'Right then. Who goes first, me or you? Actually,' she continued, without waiting for an answer, 'you can go first. In case something goes wrong.'

Sarah-jane made a sound that could possibly be taken for a growl, re-adjusted her tail, poked her tongue out at Lucy and jumped.

'Did it work?' Lucy called into the book. She was not answered and Sarah-jane was nowhere to be seen.

'Right then, Lucy, it's up to you. You can do it. Yes you can. Deeeep breaths, now. One- two- three-' She jumped, and the room was completely empty. (Apart from the book.)

--------------


	2. and here we are in middle earth and it's...

'Oi! Elanor?!' Lucy/Luthien called into the tall trees. 'Where has that bloody hobbit got to now?'

Of course Elanor was nowhere to be found. Lucy did not heed this however, as it was not unusual for her dearest friend to lose herself in a such a small space of time. So, "Luthien" set about on un-packing her backpack of food to try and draw her misplaced friend to her.

While she waited for the hungry- food- loving hobbit to come scampering back, she sat in the grass of a small clearing feeling quite peaceful and calm and at one with nature. She supposed this was how elves felt, except when they were around those darn dwarves.

Most unfortunately, Luthien's thoughts were rudely interrupted by a fair voice from behind her. She suddenly jumped to her feet and swung around, unusually agile, and found herself face to face with a real-life breathing elf.

'Whoa.' She said intelligently. 

'What is your name and where have you come from, for I have not seen your face amongst so many who dwell in Rivendell.'

Lucy suddenly became aware that he was speaking in elvish and yet she could understand his speech. 'I am called Luthien but from where I come I cannot tell, for even I myself do not know.' Luthien nodded to herself, impressed with her speech. If only Elanor could see her now, she'd show her a thing or two.

The tall dark-haired elf surveyed her for a moment with his deep green eyes as if he was trying to see into her mind and learn it's secrets.

Lucy thought she might counter act his finding out of all these secrets by singing in her mind "May It Be," and thinking about Legolas.

'Well,' he said after a time, 'I shall take you to meet with Lord Elrond and you shall discuss your own matter with his council. And,' he paused with a smile, 'in a short time another council will held and the Silvan Prince of Mirkwood will be among them.'

Even as a fair-spoken elf Luthien could not put her joy into words, and just smiled beautifully at the elf, as elves do not gape dumbly even when they will soon be meeting a (hot) prince.

The elf turned and walked away, indicating for her to follow him. She did so, and soon found herself to be right in the heart of Rivendell.

She was gobsmacked. (If elves can be gobsmacked.) 

------------

Sarah-jane sat on the grass. Ahead of her in the distance she could see what looked to be a little village, with small wagons trundling along and people bustling to and fro, and behind her trickled a small clear stream.

She sighed happily. And once she met Pippin, her life would be complete.

Glancing down, Sarah-jane who was now Elanor saw to her great delight that she now had a rather dirty, hairy set of feet.

'Muahahaha,' she whispered.

After a few moments of silence, she realised something was missing. Pippin, for one, but where on earth was Luthien? Surely it didn't take that long for one to jump into a book?

Elanor made good use of the food she had packed into her bag, snacking until she could snack no more. And still Luthien had not appeared.

'Probably off smooching with that blonde elfie boy,' Elanor muttered. 'So I am all alone….all alone. No one is here beside me. My problems have all gone…'

The sudden intake of food had gotten to her brain, and so when two hobbits peered through the leaves to see exactly who was singing, their eyes met a rather peculiar sight. A hobbit with dark hair was sitting on the ground, slumped up against a tree trunk playing an imaginary violin, humming softly to herself.

One of the two hobbits emerged from the hiding place. 'Er- miss,' he said politely.

'Oui oui?' Elanor said, her arms still positioned as though she were holding a violin.

'Erm…are you alright, if you don't mind me asking?'

'Of course not!' She cried, possibly a little too enthusiastically. 'I am a hobbit,' she whispered to him, leaning in closely so no one else could hear.

'Well, yes miss, you are.'

'And you are a hobbit!' Elanor said, her voice filled with delight.

'Yes, I am…are you sure you're alright? You seem a little…out of sorts.'

'My friend left me,' she confided in him sadly, and proceeded to play a sad piece on her violin.

When she had finished, the hobbit cleared his throat.

The other hobbit called his friend to him and whispered (though rather loudly as he assumed she was quite out of it anyway), 'Todo, maybe we should take her to see the doctor up in South Farthing.'

'Nah, she just seems a wee bit tipsy, best give her a rest and come back and check on her later. After second breakfast.'

'Ooh,' said Elanor, perking up at the mention of food. 'Can I come too?'

'I'm not sure if you're up to it,' the second hobbit said kindly.

'Course I'm up to it. What do you take me for?'

'Uh. A hobbit, miss,' he said hesitantly.

'That's right…is it time for second breakfast?'

Without much further ado, the two hobbits plus an imposter hobbit set out in the search of their second breakfast, because they were hungry as anyone would be before having eaten again. Elanor (having stuffed herself earlier) wasn't particularly starving, but nonetheless liked the thought of another hearty meal.

'Who exactly, miss…' he waited for the information.

'Elanor. Elanor Bramblerose,' she said with a big smile.

'Pleased to meet you Miss Bramblerose,' he paused. 'Who are you related to?'

'Er, well…' Elanor had an internal struggle. She had not quite thought that part out. Now she had better think quickly because, as docile and uninterested in outside matters as hobbits are, they can be quite suspicious creatures too. 'You know that hobbit?'

They waited, blinking.

'The one with the, uh, beard? I suspect we may be distantly related…how long until we get there? I'm feeling quite peckish.'

The hobbits exchanged a glance. There was definitely something strange about this hobbit…but, seeing as she was clearly quite harmless (and quite insane as well) they decided not to press the matter.

'Not too long,' one of them said with a grin. He licked his lips and Elanor bounced on the spot. She had never had second breakfast.

----------


	3. elrond shows a new side. (hmmm.)

All around Luthien, towering high and beautiful, were the pillars upholding great articulate structures. She was in Rivendell. And she was VERY happy about it. The elf, Rakael, gave Luthien an odd look when she squealed with delight. She felt at home…although, she to herself, I will feel so much more at home when I become princess of Mirkwood and am united with my arrow shooting, knife wielding, far-seeing, hottie elf. 

They had reached Lord Elrond's chambers, and Rakael went inside first to announce the newcomer. 

'Send her in.' she heard him say to Rakael as she leaned with her ear to the chamber door.  
A few seconds later Rakael opened wide the large wooden and beautifully carven door and she stepped inside (or rather, she half-fell inside, but being an agile elf she recovered herself quickly enough to stop herself falling to the ground face-first). Looking around the large circular room at all the pictures and manuscripts Luthien was suddenly aware she was being watched.   
Tall and powerful, Elrond stood before her in robes of midnight blue, and surveyed her with his piercing eyes. When he spoke, his voice gently echoed around the stone room, 'So Luthien, I see that you are interested in these events pictured on the walls. They tell the story of the founding of Rivendell and the peaceful lives of the elves that dwell here.'  
Luthien found that she could not speak, unless the word 'gnah' can be found in the dictionary. Elrond continued.  
'Rakael tells me that you know not where you came from,' he said and Lucy detected a trace of doubt in his voice, 'though you do not seem to be so troubled about such things now. What has brought you here to Rivendell, Luthien?'  
Luthien finally found her voice, 'I have come here to find my friend, Elanor.'  
'Elanor?' he said puzzled, 'I am afraid that there is no elf of that name who dwells now in Rivendell.'  
'Well, that is…' she faltered, 'I am but passing through here. My road heads toward the Shire.'  
'The Shire,' Elrond whispered, the interest in this new stranger evident in his voice, 'Do I assume correctly that your friend Elanor is a halfling?'  
'Yes, and has been for many years now,' Lucy said truthfully.  
'Strange' he muttered, half to himself, 'an elf and a halfling? That is an unusual friendship.'  
'Yet that is what is has been for many years now,' Lucy said while trying to think up a wild story as quickly as possible, she couldn't really fool a well, really really old elven lord for long.  
'And you say that you are passing through Rivendell by yourself? Have you no company?'  
'I am just going to visit my friend,' she felt like she was talking to a father who was giving her the third degree about going out.  
'Tell me, Luthien, how comes it that you do not know from where you came?'  
Crap, she thought to herself, it would've been so much easier if I'd just been a hobbit. Stupid Elrond and his intense 'I can read your mi-nd' look. I must say though, for an older man, he ain¹t quite so bad- dear GOD! What am I thinking? I'm going slightly mad, I'm going slightly mad, and I'm singing Queen -ew! Why oh why didn't I just become a hobbit? Of course! My sweet Legolas … all that I live for and do is for my fair elfie-boy.  
Yes, she said to herself resolutely, I shall go on for Him.  
'Erm, my, is it hot in here?' she said thinking quickly, 'do you have any ice or something?'  
'Rakael,' Elrond turned to the waiting elf (Luthien suddenly realised he was still in the room), 'will you go down to the kitchens and fetch a bowl of ice for our guest?'  
Rakael bowed and left the room silently.  
Lucy continued with her sudden decoy, 'Long have I desired to meet with thee, Lord Elrond of Rivendell, and hear thy words of great wisdom.'  
'Greatly flattered am I to hear such news, especially from one so fair and mysterious as thee,' he added and gave her an odd look.  
Luthien tried to look as pretty and elven as she possibly could as she smiled back at Elrond.   
He was still watching her rather intent on something when Rakael returned with a bowl of ice. 'You may leave us now,' Elrond said to him though he did not turn away from Luthien's face. Rakael handed the bowl to Luthien and exited from the room.  
Great, she thought to herself, I think Elrond's got a thing for me. Just great.  
Picking up a leaf-shaped piece of ice she put it to her lips and let it smoothly roll against them. What choice do I have, she asked herself, as she smiled seductively at him and sat on the great four-posted bed in the centre of the room.   
Instantly he was beside her and he placed her hand in his, 'We will not speak of such unnecessary things now,' he said and stroked her hair, 'For the elven Lords are skilled in many ways'  
Luthien almost choked on the ice in her mouth. Can anyone say paedophile? She thought with disgust. He's like a zillion years old and he's ­ he's cradle robbing! That's what he's doing! Urg!  
'Tell me what it is that troubles your mind, my fair one, for thy voice is like music and fills me with a great feeling of forgotten times newly remembered.'  
Oh, sure, like I haven't heard that one before, she thought bitterly. Hmm…what troubles my mind, well, let's see, um, a dirty old elf is about to attack me at any moment… aaand, I can't find my best friend and my Silvan prince is nowhere to be found.   
Instead she said, 'I do not wish to bother you with my troubles as they hardly compare to your own, my lord.'  
He frowned, 'What do you mean by this?'  
'Only that which is obvious to thy all knowing mind, lord Elrond.' She answered, stalling.   
'What do you speak of Luthien and answer me quickly ­ I have no mind for riddles and silly games at present.'  
'I speak of the dark times that now threaten to engulf all lands, lord Elrond,' she replied innocently, 'and it is not a puzzle to me that you do not speak lightly ­or indeed even at all, of such evil.' Heheh, she thought with satisfaction, Oh man I am so good at this elf-talk! I wish I could get this on tape. If only Elanor-  
Elrond rising quickly from the bed and beginning to pace the room suddenly interrupted her thoughts. Luthien felt sorry for the ol' man and decided to change the subject.  
'Lord,' she began, but he quickly interrupted her.  
'It is true that my mind has been plagued often by the darkness in the East,' he said, 'and I must take council soon with chosen strangers from distant lands-' (Legolas! she thought with glee) 'among them will be Gandalf the Grey, whom I deeply desire to speak with…' He trailed off.  
Typical men, Lucy thought to herself, one moment, they¹re all over you, the next, you don¹t exist. Humph!  
'I have great faith in all the goodness of this world,' she told him, 'and in their alliance which will end all dark days for hundreds of years.' Definitely on a roll, she thought smugly to herself, I even have me convinced.  
He sat down beside her again. 'Your words are filled not only with hope, but with belief, and that alone is encouraging,' he said and looked straight into her eyes.  
She couldn't speak; his gaze held her in a state of complete dumbness and she could only look back at him. It felt like hours had passed when slowly he leant in towards her…  
There was a gentle knock at the door.  
Thank you my God! She thought with such a joy. She felt like singing as he swiftly rose and called in a dignified way, for them to enter.  
'My apologies for the intrusion, Lord,' Rakael said as he entered and spotted Luthien sitting on the bed, singing happily to herself, "May it be an evening star, shines down upon you…"  
'Well, what is it?' Elrond said rather grumpily.  
'It's just that Gandalf wishes to let you know that he has just arrived, having escaped on a giant eagle from Isengard.' He said, quite uninterestedly.  
'Very well,' said Elrond, 'I must see Gandalf immediately,' he said gently, turning to Luthien, 'you have my leave to stay in Rivendell as long as you wish and to pass through it whenever you desire, though,' he added, 'I hope we may yet continue our little council at a time when there will be no interruptions…'  
Luthien smiled again at him, suppressing a shudder, and bowing low, she left the room.  
'God, that was a close one,' she muttered to herself, 'but now what shall I do? I really like it here, but I expect that twit (she was referring to her much-loved best friend) has landed herself in the Shire. I should set out to find her, but won't the fellowship be arriving soon?'  
Luthien quickly shut up when she past some rather hot elves and introduced herself.  
  
-------------- 


	4. no pippin. elves. trusty companion. the ...

I am grumpy about the Mary-sue comment someone left, because just yesterday we were sitting on the swings wondering if people would take this story the wrong way, and we thought 'no, they wouldn't do that, they would see it's just something bizarre meant for a bit of a laugh.' 

And yet no. 

Done with ranting. 

--------------- 

Elanor stared at the wall. It was a rather lovely wall. Her head was spinning a little from far too much food, and her brain just could not stay focused on one thing or another for very long. But she knew it was a nice wall and for the moment, that was all that mattered in the world.

'Grhmghm…' She mumbled lazily, rubbing her (slightly stretched) stomach.

There was an annoying feeling in the back of her mind that there was something quite important she had forgotten. She frowned, trying very hard to think. It was difficult, but in the end she managed it.

'Stupid elf,' she muttered grumpily.

'Pardon?' The hobbit next to her said in surprise, glancing sideways at her. 

'She's left me here all alone and I have no Pippin.' Elanor explained sadly. She bit into an apple and sighed loudly, spraying apple bits across the table in the process.

'Oh…'

'But she gets Legolas. And.' Elanor sniffed 'she's probably off with the elves, running about in a pretty tree filled woods while I am here. All by my little self. It's not easy being small, you know.' 

'But you're taller than me,' said the hobbit, frowning.

'Oh. Yes. Well that's not the point. The Point is that I am here and she is there and I am lonely and even though this is lovely food-' she helped herself to a few biscuits- 'I really want my Pippin and I want to see the elves.' She sniffled loudly and pouted.

'I want to see the elves too,' the hobbit said understandingly. 'But we don't leave the Shire often, you see. It's very dangerous out there. Men and the likes. You wouldn't want to go alone.'

'I'm not going alone,' Elanor said, her brain ticking quickly. 'I am going with my darling and his lovely friends and they will protect me and also they will feed me.'

'Who're your friends?' 

Elanor looked around for suspicious looking orcs or wizards and when she decided there were only full looking hobbits around, she whispered (just in case) 'Frodo Baggins…'

'Baggins?' Said the hobbit in surprise. 'But he's already left, he moved away just yesterday.'

'WHAT?!!!!!'

The poor hobbit leapt a few feet in the air. 'he…moved….yesterday.'

Elanor growled and then said brightly 'I really must be toodle-ing off now,' she said smiling around at the company gathered. 'Thankyou for the lovely food. Mind if I take some?' She grabbed a few loaves of bread, curtsied somewhat clumsily, and then dashed out the door.

Her Pippin had already left. Things were becoming desperate- no Luthien, no Pippin, hardly any food, and no good walking stick or trusty companion.

On the plus side she did have extremely pretty hairy feet.

As she walked, she thought about matters. Obviously Frodo and Sam were on their way to the nice new house they would not be staying in, and Pippin and Merry were waiting for them with Fatty. Luthien was off mingling with the Elves and soon the Council of Elrond would be taking place.

Perhaps she could kidnap Pippin and they could go off together, but then that might change things just a little too dramatically in terms of everything. Or the other option was to join the four hobbits as they travelled to Rivendell. There was no way in hell she was going by herself. Not with the Black Riders trotting about, nosiree.

She was feeling quite glum, though the thought of Pippin was a little like a beacon on the horizon, when she heard the thump a thump of footsteps behind her. Elanor tried to draw her sword but unfortunately she had no sword which really was a pity. 

'Wait!' The thumper cried breathlessly. 'I'm coming too!'

'Yay! How happy! Now I have a trusty companion to help me on my way and carry my bread! What is your name, oh trusty companion?'

The Trusty Companion looked a little doubtful about the carrying-stuff aspect, but decided to ignore it and put it down to the weird hobbit's insanity. 'Erm…Lila Brandybuck.'

'Then you would be related to Merry, no?' 

Lila nodded her blonde head. 'We're third cousins on my mother's side,' she said. 

'Ah….I am related to that hobbit with a beard. My name is Elanor but you can call me…well, Elanor. Anyway. D'you know Pippin?'

'Yes…'

'Is he, by any chance, particularly friendly with any hobbits? Any _girl_ hobbits?' Elanor tried to look casual.

Lila frowned, thinking. 'Well…Diamond is very nice to him and he seems to like her, if you know what I mean.'

-right, kill her-

'But he's a bit topsy turvy and he's just gone off without saying goodbye…'

-bwahahaha-

'So maybe he's not that fond of her,' Lila finished, while Elanor rubbed her hands together gleefully and cackled.

'I don't suppose you know any martial arts?' She asked Lila after a few minutes of walking silently. 

'Pardon?' 

'Oh, nothing…d'you have a sword?'

'Well, no.'

'Knife? Battle-axe? Bow and arrow? Horn of Gondor?'

'No…'

Elanor sighed. 'This is going to be very difficult then. We must find the other hobbits. I say we skip.'

Lila skipped after Elanor. Together they leapt through the fields of pretty coloured flowers, and Elanor felt rather quite happy. She was going to see Elves and find Luthien and she had a trusty companion and she had hairy feet and SHE WAS GOING TO MEET **PIPPIN**. Okay, so the Black Riders would be about the place and Frodo would have the Ring of Doom and Gandalf would fall into darkness and Boromir would die (unless they saved him which would be nice) but at least she would be with Pippin.

Oh yes, and Luthien. But anyway.

'How long does it take to get to Rivendell?' Elanor asked, yawning. 

'I don't know. I've never been there.' Lila's eyes shone. 'But I hear it's very beautiful, and the elves are there.'

'Yes they are.'

'If you don't mind me asking, why are we going to Rivendell? Apart from meeting the elves, I mean.'

'I misplaced my friend and I suspect she may be there,' Elanor answered. 'However the main task at the moment is to find Mr Underhill and co.'

'Who are they?'

Elanor peered through the trees around then for sings of Black Riders. 'Well, Frodo,' she whispered. 'But we mustn't call him that, okay?'

'Erm. Okay,' Lila said in a hushed voice. 

'So we have to find them for I am pining and…actually, I'm also quite peckish. I haven't eaten for over and hour and all this walking is bound to make a person- well, a hobbit- rather hungry. I don't suppose you brought any food with you, by any chance?'

Lila grinned a cheery grin, and reached into her (very full) bag. 'I have…cake and bread and fruits and water…and some other things. What would you like?'

Elanor leaped up and down happily on the spot. 'I KNEW I'd need a trusty companion! Yay! I think we shall have cake. We can sit down and eat it and then we will set off again to find my love.'

'And the elves,' Lila reminded her, as she had always wanted to see them.

'Them too. And Luthien.'

'Yes,' Lila said through a mouthful of crumbs.

'I hear the elves have excellent food,' Elanor mumbled, chewing away.

'That's good,' Lila said, spraying crumbs everywhere. 'This mightn't last us very long, I only brought enough for a few days.'

'Well, I expect we'll find the others sooner or later and they always have food with them. But Aragorn is a bit fussy about when they eat, so we'll have to bring some finger food, okay?'

Lila nodded.' What will we do once we get to Rivendell?' She asked, licking the icing off her fingers. 

'Well…I must follow the fellowship. But you can do whatever you want. I think the fellowship is getting a little full, but if you follow Gollum you'll get to be around Frodo a lot. That might be fun.'

Lila shrugged. 'Maybe. Can't Frodo just come home after he's been to Rivendell?'

'No, he has to save Middle-Earth.'

'Oh.'

Luthien spent most of the next few days in Rivendell with Rakael and the elves he had introduced her to. They were peaceful and happy times, although Luthien still had a longing for Sarah-jane and her delightful stupidity. The elves were a hospitable and great company (and there were some real lookers too) but it didn't quite compare to the crazy fun she had with her best friend. 

She had a weird feeling of loneliness even as she talked and stood amongst her new friends in the woods on a particularly beautiful (as every day there was beautiful) afternoon. Suddenly, there came an errand rider galloping past them, Rakael called out to him and he slowed and dismounted. 

'I have a message for Lord Elrond, that a small company of dwarves are requesting permission to speak with him.' He told them, 'they are Dain's kin and very stubborn.' he added, with a disapproving look. Then Rakael spoke with him for a short time.

Swiftly he mounted his horse again and rode off towards the house of Lord Elrond.

The others did not seem very interested in this news but Luthien was VERY excited. Soon, she thought to herself, my Legolas will come and all shall be merry and gay! Then she realized with a shock that even her _thoughts_ had become a little elvish. Scary.

'Come, Luthien, and join us for dinner and many songs. Perhaps you could sing a song about your travels?' Karlwen asked hopefully.

Lucy had a small panic-attack. Oh God! She thought, can I _sing_?! Sing an actual elvish _song?! _A song with_ words?! And a tune, and …and…sing? Arrrgh!_

Aloud, she answered, I would be delighted and honoured to join you this evening. And,' she said, mastering her some-what squeaky voice, 'if it is asked of me I will sing a simple tale of my friendship with Elanor.'

'We greatly look forward to it, friend of hobbits and fair mysterious elf, and hope to learn a little more of yourself through it.' Said Rakael.

Erm, thanks?

So, with that the five elves (and converted elf) returned from the woods to the great hall and talked for a time and sang and ate and had a spanking good dinner together. Luthien even managed to pull off a song about the funny ways of hobbits and how much cooler elves were than them and how cute it was when they tried to compete with their coolness. She figured the elves would like that song coz it was all about them. They did. Then they drank more wine and eventually set off to their beds rather wobbly (but nonetheless elvishly cool and skilfully they wobbled).

'Get off me you horny hobbit! I said GET OFF!' Luthien woke with an excruciatingly painful feeling in her left leg. She had just been having a dream and had attempted to kick a rather hasty Merry off of her, but of course, she realized, one cannot kick something that is not there …except…

'Awwwwgh…' grumbled somebody from the floor.

Luthien sprang out of bed and half-fell to the floor to aid the innocent person she'd accidentally attacked. They were doubled over so she couldn't tell who the poor dear was, but that didn't stop her from putting an arm around them and apologising profoundly. 'I am so sorry! Sorry! Sorry! _Sorry_! I was having this bad dream and then you came in and I'm usually more alert but, well, we had _a lot _of wine last night and so when you came in…and why did you come in?' she faltered.

'Urgh…paaain.' Was the only reply.

'Yeah, I'm _really_ sorry about that. I can't tell you how bad I feel. I am so s-oh-' she stopped. The elf in pain had looked up at her and she realised with a shock who it was.


	5. legolas has a bit of a nasty fright. and...

All Luthien could do was stare … and drool slightly. She felt like she was in one of those movies where every thing slows down and the romantic music comes up and…and she squealed with delight! 'Oh! My love! At last we are together!' He just looked at her with tears of pain in his eyes incredulously.   
'Oh I know! We need not words to express what we feel at our first meeting! Let us savour this moment and …seal it with a kiss…' she closed her eyes.   
Nothing happened.   
She opened them again. Legolas was disappearing through the open doorway rather hastily. 'Wait!' she cried, 'my prince! Do not run from your feelings!'  
'You are not yourself, dear maiden,' he called over his shoulder to her as she limped after him down the corridor, 'At least, I hope you are not in your right mind presently and that you are here to be healed by the Lord Elrond's skilled hands.'   
Skilled all right, she found herself thinking, but he doesn't know the half of it.   
'But, Legolas! I have come to you at last!'  
'I know not how it comes that you know my name as I have been here only an hour ere the incident in your room. What queer fate it is indeed that I should mistake your guest room for my own!'   
'Fate it was indeed, but not queer! You came to me, my lovely elf who is all things hot! Just as I came to you!'  
'Dear maiden, I know not what you speak of!' he said, irritated as well as slightly scared.   
'Lego-'   
'Luthien,' came the voice of Elrond behind her, 'At last I have found you.'   
Bloody hell, she thought bitterly. There were so many confusing thoughts in her brain, she'd just talked to, touched (TOUCHED, I say!!!) and breathed the same air as her dream elfie boy and now…a dirty zillion-year old paedophile was gonna split the 'lovers' up. Try to cop a feel too, she thought darkly.   
Luthien decided the best thing to do was to pretend she hadn't heard him and resume stalking Legolas. To her great displeasure, however, he somehow overtook her and cut her off. How does he _do_ that, she thought bitterly.   
Paedophile elf began to speak to her but she was busy trying to peer over his shoulder for a glimpse of her 'all'. When Luthien could not see him nor hear his soft footfalls, she nearly burst into tears.   
'What troubles you, Luthien the enigmatic, for that is what your friends have named you, what doth trouble thy heart?'   
Luthien wanted so much to say, 'YOU DO! You dirty old half-elven dude!' Luckily for her, she restrained herself and remained silent.   
'Come,' he said and lead her into an empty room, closing the door behind them, 'Tell me beautiful veiled elf maiden, what has you feeling so?' He put his hand on her shoulder as she sat down upon a nearby chair and gave her a swift searching look.   
Luthien just looked down at her dress. It was the same one she'd had on yesterday, though it was now slightly wrinkled as she had slept in it also. It had a liquidy feel to the touch and shimmered like the stars. It was a long-sleeved dress of periwinkle blue with delicate silver beads at the hem and neck. Luthien thought it reminded her of Legolas. But then, so did socks …and come to think of it, just about everything reminded her of Legolas. Except subway sandwiches, now that would just be silly.   
'Do not weep, but tell me your troubles.' Elrond continued.   
'You made prince go away,' Lucy sobbed thickly.   
'I do not understand?'   
'Elanor wouldn't even let me take my pretty pictures of My All, and now she's eating elevensies with her scotty-short-thing, what you call?' she said confused, 'Pippin.' She nodded to herself. Elrond looked scared.   
Heh heh, she thought and this sudden evil joy made her think straight again. 

--------------

'I think…I'm going…to die…' Elanor gasped. She stumbled over to a patch of soft looking grass and flopped down. 'My babies…my poor little poochies…' She stroked her now dirty set of feet lovingly. 'Yes, you're tired…we'll rest now, it's okay…'

Lila was too exhausted to comment on this new show of insanity, she just sat down next to Elanor, curled herself up in a ball, and fell asleep. 

The two hobbits had been walking all day- Elanor had been certain if they didn't stop they'd bump into Pippin and Co, and yet it was now sunset and they hadn't met anyone at all, not even the odd black rider rampaging about. 

Elanor wondered what Luthien was doing in Rivendell. She was imagining large plates of food, happy songs, lovely elves, and a soft fluffy bed with soft fluffy pillow, and more food. Elanor glanced down at the grass, sighed, thought of Pippin, and then snuggled down under her cloak to sleep.

In the morning, after breakfast and a quick search for signs of hobbits, they set out again in a direction Elanor hoped was the way to Rivendell. She was beginning to feel doubtful about this (considering the fact they had met no Elves, Hobbits, Tom Bombadils or Black Riders) and just when she was feeling quite desperate, they came to a river. 

'Brandywine Bridge!' Elanor cried with happiness. 'Yay! Now we must go the Buckleberry Ferry. Come.'

The came to the 'ferry,' though Elanor thought it looked far more like a RAFT, and not just any raft, but an incredibly flimsy and unsafe looking raft, the sort of raft that is easy to fall off of and then DROWN. She stared at it. 'It looked so much safer in the movie,' she muttered. 'Right…you first.' 

Lila nodded to herself, perhaps said a quick prayer, and then jumped lightly onto the so-called ferry. 'It's quite safe!' She said brightly, rocking backwards and forwards a little to prove it. 

Elanor winced. 'Erm…would you mind not doing that? It makes me feel queasy.'

'Oh, sorry. Come on, it's fine. See, you can jump!' Lila jumped enthusiastically. The ferry tipped and water washed over it, while Elanor shrieked about sea monsters and the Titanic. Lila sat down promptly, getting her skirt wet in the process. 'Well, it's safe if you don't jump, anyway,' she said.

Elanor closed her eyes and thought of her darling and her lucky shoelaces. 'Right. Jump. Onto. Raft.' She leapt, landed, and breathed a sigh of relief. 'Okay. How do we paddle?'

'With the paddles.'

'Ah…'

---

They spent an uneventful night in Bree, though it was quite unnerving, as everyone there was oddly twitchy and suspicious- the gatekeeper person questioned them for half an hour before they were let in, in the end coming up with questions like 'do you like cabbages?' Which as we all know has nothing at all to do with anything. 

Elanor decided this meant her hobbits had already passed through (most unfortunately) and she had better get a move on, or she'd lose them forever…or at least until they reached Rivendell.

----

They had been walking for days. Elanor had lost count of them and could think only of food, rainbow socks, and the song 'I love my shirt,' all three of them together making her go slightly delusional, so that she was calling Lila Pippin whenever she addressed her, and occasionally she started singing 

'I am a hobbit hobbit hobbit,

Yes I am a hobbit hobbit hobbit

Wherever I go (through rain and snow) 

The people always let me know

I am a hobbit hobbit hobbit…'

After about ten renditions of this charming song, Lila tried to shush her, but succeeded only in being hugged around the neck (quite tightly) and being serenaded with "oh Piiiiiiiippin!" and so she stuffed a few flowers in her ears to block out the noise.

'When d'you think we'll get to Rivendell?' Elanor asked after awhile of unusual silence. There was no answer. 'Lila? Oh trusty companion?'

Lila still did not speak, and so Elanor yelled. 'HELLO? DO YOU THINK WE WILL GET THERE ANY TIME SOON, OH TRUSTY COMPANION OF MINE?'

Lila jumped, pulled the flowers out of her ears hastily, and composed herself. 'What did you say?'

'What on earth were you doing with those in your ears?' Elanor said in a bemused sort of voice (the sort of voice a person uses when they think someone else is being crazy and weird).

'Oh…nothing,' Lila said, realising this was one of the rare normal patches Elanor experienced every so often. 

'Hmm…anyway, I was wondering when you think we'll get there.'

'Don't know,' Lila said, shrugging. 'But there's a big…thing…over there.' She pointed. 

'WEATHERTOP!!!!' Elanor shrieked. She hugged Lila. 'Pippin, you've found Weathertop!'

Lila sighed. 

Elanor started a quick little run, her legs moving twice as quick as they usually did in her eagerness to get to Weathertop before the other hobbits left. As they grew closer, she could see a bright light flickering at the top of it. 'Aragorn!' She whispered. She turned to Lila. 'We are almost there, my trusty companion. Never fear, for Aragorn is here.'

'Oh good.'

'He has a sword,' Elanor said. 

'Oooooh.'

'But he doesn't let you have second breakfast.'

Lila blinked and did not say anything.

'I understand,' Elanor said, nodding. 'It's all very sad…but we will get through this.'

They began to climb. Up and up and up and up. Elanor decided she was definitely going to die. She would never see her Pippin. Luthien would stay in Rivendell for ever and ever with her elfie boy…

Just as Elanor was about to sit down and massage her feet, they came to the top, at long long last. 

There stood four hobbits (well, one was on the ground in agony and the others were crowded around him) and one awfully tall human.

Elanor gave a whimper and fainted. 

------------

Fuzziness…voices…'it's lucky she didn't run into the ringwraiths…' actually quite a nice, Aragorny sort of voice, when she thought about it. 

Elanor sat up abruptly. Frodo was still surrounded by the hobbits, and was still moaning in agony, but Aragorn had left him for a few seconds to find out if the hobbit who had fainted was alive and well, apart from the fainting spell. 

When he saw she was, he hurried back to Frodo, leaving Elanor and Lila a few feet away, Elanor's head spinning. 

'Are you alright?' Lila asked with concern.

'Oui.'

'But…you fainted.'

'Oui.'

'So you're sure you're okay?'

'Oui.'

'Okay then. If you're sure.'

'Oui.'

Lila stopped talking, and while Elanor gazed at the hobbits with wonder and delight, she saw to her great distress that Aragorn was picking Frodo up, and seemed to be carrying him off, and the other hobbits were following him! They were leaving her! Everyone kept leaving her! 

'Shouldn't we follow them?' Lila asked a few seconds later, as Aragorn, Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam disappeared from sight. 

'Oh.' Elanor shook herself out of a trance. 'Oui! Let us go!'

They climbed down the rocks, though not quite as quickly as the others, as their hobbit girl skirts sometimes got in the way and it could be very annoying. Elanor felt awfully sad when she realised she had in fact ripped a small hole in the back of it, for she was very fond of her hobbit outfit. If they ever went back home she wanted to keep it, and wear it to town occasionally. 

The next few days were terribly exhausting. Aragorn walked very fast. Even as a human being Elanor wasn't a particularly fast walker, and now as a hobbit things became twice as hard, and her little legs had to move even more often.

'Do you know the muffin man?' Elanor asked Lila at dusk a few days later.

'No.'

'Darn…d'you think we're nearly at Rivendell?'

Lila shrugged tiredly. 

'OI! Aragorn!'

Aragorn turned around. 'Yes?'

'How long till we get to Rivendell?'

'A few days, perhaps,' he answered. 

The other hobbits protested and Frodo gave a very scary groan. He was after all getting closer and closer to the Shadow world. 

'But- but- he'll never make it!' Sam cried, Frodo's limp hand in his own. 

Aragorn didn't say anything, and Elanor took the break to mean that they were stopping, and sat down happily upon a log. Well, as happy as one can be when Frodo Baggins may become a ringwraith, which isn't really extremely happy in the scheme of things. 

They heard a clippity clop of horses come up from the trees, and while everyone else dashed into the bushes and hid there, watching, Elanor waited by the road patiently for Glorfindel the elf to come.

Then Glorfindel blabbed on and on about Gandalf and many a thing, but as Elanor had already read the Lord of the Rings, she knew what was happening (ie that Saruman had gone bonkers) and so spent the conversation watching Pippin with interest. He was biting his fingernails, and he did look ever so lovely doing so.

Glorfindel was actually quite good looking, Elanor thought cheerfully, perhaps, if things didn't work out with Legolas, she could set he and Luthien up…at least he wasn't Liv Tyler. Phew. She needed no romance now, thankyou very much, she had her own saga to…be…in. 

Unfortunately, though, Liv Tyler didn't make them continue onto Rivendell with her. 

Blerk.

Glorfindel had probably worked in orc-concentration camps, Elanor thought to herself bitterly, as she hobbled on behind Pippin and Merry and Sam, who were almost asleep on their feet. 

Why couldn't Arwen have now, huh? WHY? If they'd joined the **movie** things would have been different…oh yes, she remembered. They were just actors. This is the real thing. 

And then we all know what happens. The Black Riders, who are mean and scary and black, come along (gallop gallop gallop) and Frodo must ride off all on his lonesome, for Liv Tyler is not there to save his little hobbit body this time. And THEN, the bloody black riders try to catch him, but the river attacks them (go river!) and they are swept away downstream, but they cannot die because… well, anyway. However the horsies DO die, which is actually very sad. 

When Frodo was safe on the other side of the river, the hobbits rejoiced. In the midst of the excitement, Elanor hugged Pippin. She HUGGED him. As in, her arms went around his body and his arms went around her body and they jumped about for a bit, TOUCHING please note, and then Merry (freaking bloody Merry) decided that he too wanted a hug, and he started jumping about as well, and Sam would have but he was still worried about Frodo, and Aragorn, as he was a King to be and far too important and Aragorny, stood and waited patiently for them to finish.

Lila watched Rivendell with a wistful expression and thought about food and elves and Frodo.

When the hugging was over, and they were about to set off again after Frodo, Elanor realised her arms were still around a certain hobbits waist, and the certain hobbit was looking at her really rather strangely. 

'Erm.' He said, raising his beautiful eyebrows. 

'Hello.' Elanor said. 

'Hello…could you, erm, let go?' He said, his accent making her swoon.

'oh…of course, my lovel- I mean of course, Pippin.' She smiled charmingly and released him. 

And then they walked towards Rivendell, where Lord Elrond was healing Frodo, and Luthien was chasing Legolas desperately. Ah, how she missed her good old buddy. Things could be lonely without her, though Lila and her trusty companionness was an excellent substitution.

'Come along, footsies,' she said happily to her feet. 'Let us be off!' 


	6. many meetings. again.

RIVENDELL! Oh, beautiful elfish Rivendell! Elanor was standing in…ahem…Rivendell. She parted from the other hobbits (it would be but a brief parting, though she had to restrain herself from kissing Pippin goodbye) and went off in search of Luthien.

After wandering the halls of Rivendell for awhile, she bumped into the legs of a tall elf, who unfortunately was not Luthien. Unless Luthien had become male. She briefly panicked, wondering if Luthien had left already and she had walked for days and missed so many second breakfasts for nothing, or if Luthien had changed species altogether and was now a troll, trotting about the place eating…well, whatever trolls eat.

She composed herself and shoved all thoughts of smelly trolls out of her head. 'Erm. Hello,' she said to the elf's knees, the owner of them looking down at her.

'Greetings, little one,' he said.

'Yes. Well. I am little, yes. But did a TALL elf, not a short elf mind you, come here about…a week ago? Two weeks maybe?' 

He waited expectantly.

'Her name is….Luthien, I think.'

'Ah, Luthien. Of course. I shall take you to her, come.'

'I'm a coming.'

-----

After a pointless time of doing nothing, Luthien and Gandalf heard a knock at the door. 

'You may enter,' she said superiorly. 

The large heavy door gave a loud creak and a very tall somebody, followed by a very short somebody entered.

'Rakael, it is great to see you. What brings you here?'

'And it is a pleasure to see you also, Luthien,' he said in polite-elf-talk, 'I come here because this little friend of yours wishes to meet with you.'

'Little friend?' She muttered to herself, trying to remember.

'Oi, Luthien! Down here!' Elanor cried indignantly from the floor. Well, not exactly the floor, but she was certainly a lot closer to it than the others were.

'Ooh!' She squealed with delight, 'how lovely!' Sarah- Elanor! So, you have come at last!'

And they hugged, though it was quite a difficult feat, considering that Luthien had to bend down awfully far, and Elanor had to jump up a bit and stand on her tip-toes to actually reach Luthien's arms.

'Yes, yes, yes,' Elanor said after a minute. 'Blah blah and it's good to see you and all that, but when's dinner? I'm absolutely starving. You have no idea how long I have walked for, I mean, when Frodo hurt himself we almost never stopped walking, let alone sat down to eat, and so now I really need food because-'

'Frodo?' Gandalf interrupted. 'Frodo Baggins? Is he here now?'

'Yeah…think he's getting fixed or something by Elrond.'

'I must see him immediately. Good day.' He smiled politely at them, though his face was grave, and dashed from the room.

Rakael departed after him, and the long-lost friends were left to bond and swap stories, although, as Elanor pointed out, this would have to wait as dinner was much (much) more important. And so they went off to the dining hall and Elanor stuffed herself silly, which was not particularly unusual. 

So, as the two reunited friends sat and ate, they swapped stories about what fun they'd had and how exciting their little adventure had already been. 'And this is only the beginning of the book!' Luthien cried out joyfully, 'we're only up to, like, page 200!'

Elanor burped to show her happiness, and continued to stuff herself, so Luthien continued.

'I mean, I know we should feel worried about Frodo and everything, but, I mean, we know that it all ends up ok, don't we?'

Another hearty burp was her reply.

'My _God_! I cannot _ever _imagine you as an elf! The only thing that's changed is that you're half my height!'

'I am deeply insulted!' Elanor mumbled through her mouthful of food.

'No class…no etiquette…' Luthien continued.

'Hey I have class!' Elanor said, though by now she had a rather large mouthful of bread, and only Luthien would have possibly been able to understand her speech.

'Oh, so it's polite to have butter on your nose in the Shire is it?' she mocked, 'Silly me.'

Just then, Karlwen came and sat with them and Luthien introduced her to Elanor.

'Ah,' she said, 'at last we meet! Luthien has told us much about your friendship and all the travels you have journeyed on.'

'Travels?' Elanor said confused, then catching the look Luthien aimed at her she said, 'Oh yeah! We've been all over! Why, I remember the time when Luthien tried to limbo at one of our parties – it was so hilarious! She leant back so far, and she was wearing this really tight dress so-'

Rakael! Earlon! Will you not join us?' Luthien said a little eagerly.

'Elanor Bramblerose was just telling us an intriguing story of Luthien at a hobbit party,' Karlwen informed them.

'I believe Rakael, that you've met Elanor, though not formally,' Luthien interjected, attempting to change the subject, 'Earlon has only heard tales of her, but you now both have to chance to talk together, and learn more of the ways of hobbits.'

'Also, I hope we may learn more of yourself through your closest friend, Luthien the veiled.' Earlon said smiling.

Elanor raised her eyebrow and was about to speak when Luthien silenced her with a dangerous look.

The great hall was becoming more crowded but Luthien saw no sign of her Silvan prince. There were some rather short elves making their way over towards their table though. Wait! Those aren't elves, she thought to herself, they're hobbits! Ooh! It's Merry and Pippin and Sam! A very reluctant Sam, by the look on his face, she observed. The poor dear, worrying about his 'poor mister Frodo, sir', it's so sweet!

To her reunited friend she said in a singsong voice, 'Piiipiiin…'

Elanor choked and after being given the Heimlich manoeuvre by Earlon (who had unfortunately seated himself beside her) she cried desperately, 'Where?!'

'Erm, right behind you, el stupido,' Luthien said, somewhat embarrassed by her friend's behaviour.

Elanor didn't care. She just adjusted her curly brown hair, wiped her mouth, and spun around to face the three approaching hobbits.

Luthien thought they looked very out of place in such a tall room filled with such tall things and rather tall people. The hobbits obviously thought so too, for they did not look anyone in the eyes, not even elf-loving Sam, and when Merry reached the table he said quietly to Elanor, 'Can we sit with you and your friends?'

Elanor looked like she would burst with the thought of Merry, best friend of PIPPIN, calling all the powerful and beautiful elves surrounding her her friends. And on top of that, _they_ wanted to sit with _her_! PIPPIN wanted to sit with her! Yay!

Luthien noticed that Elanor seemed to have temporarily lost her voice and so said, 'you are all most welcome to sit beside us. After you have satisfied your hunger, perhaps you would honour us with your tale?' She was being polite of course, because she and Elanor both knew very well the tale of the hobbits and The Ring.

They nodded shyly and seated themselves upon the chairs at the table where Luthien and Elanor and her elf friends were. Pippin was next to Earlon, and Merry and Sam sat beside Luthien who was across from Elanor. Elanor seemed quite pleased with the arrangements. Luthien was sure she was waiting for Earlon to get up and then there would be no one between her and her Pippin.

Soon a song started up and many of the elves, including Karlwen and Rakael, joined in. Earlon was busy talking animatedly with Pippin. Luthien laughed and talked with some of her other elf friends, while Elanor, suddenly snapping out of the sleepy peacefulness the song had made her drift into, stared at her friend. 

Was she speaking in _elvish_?! Yeah, she was! The only elvish Sarah-jane had _ever_ heard Lucy speak was in the songs on the Lord of the Rings soundtrack! Now she was just talking away…with her pretty little elf friends…like it was all perfectly normal. Then Sarah-jane reminded herself that jumping into a book dressed as Pokey and Gumby wasn't particularly an every day kind of thing either. She found herself wondering what her family and friends were doing now…

_________

There came a cry across a large deserted plain in the middle of Australia, which could have been taken for many voices yelling out 'Luuuuuuuuuuuucyyyyyyyyyyyyy!'.

An echo around Uluru sounded remarkably like 'Saaaaaaaarrrraaaaaaahh-jaaaaaane!' 

But Lucy and Sarah-jane did not hear them because they were not in Australia. Infact, they weren't even on planet earth. 

No, no, the lucky things were in MIDDLE EARTH! And Elanor was currently drooling over the very-close-at-hand Pippin, while Luthien dreamt of what she could be doing with Legolas at that present time.

________

Lila showed up half way through the night, when the elves were still singing and all was merry, looking rather dishevelled. An also rather dishevelled-looking elf came in behind her. They spoke together for a moment before she joined them, and before they parted he kissed her had (bending rather low to do so, I might add).

Ah, Luthien thought to herself, so he's one of _those_ elves. 

After Lila had explained that she'd been "getting to know the locals", Elanor introduced Lila to Luthien (rather happy to be able to introduce Luthien to someone she didn't know), and she and Lila began a recount of how they had met and explaining to Luthien that Lila was Elanor's trusty companion.

'What will you do when we leave Rivendell, Lila?' Luthien asked, curiously.

'I may stay here for a bit longer, if you don't mind,' she told them, 'I'm getting to quite like this place.'

Then she and Merry talked for a while about family and Shire business, while Sam disappeared off to be with Frodo and Pippin was talking drunkenly friendly with some elves at the table. Meanwhile Elanor was plucking up the courage to talk to her Scotty-short-thing, and Luthien was egging her on, while wondering in the back of her head where on Middle Earth Legolas could be. Obviously, he was in Rivendell. But _where_? She sniffled and Elanor comforted her, guessing what the reason for her sniffle was for. However, Luthien did not stop sniffling because of her friend's efforts to cheer her up. She stopped abruptly because her hot arrow-shooting, sure-footed, fair spoken, warrior sexy elven prince had just stepped into the room.

There he was, all dressed in robes of moss green, and shining like the sun. But then again, that could have just been Luthien's imagination that he was glowing. But even if he wasn't he was definitely looking hot and that was the end of it.

'Erm, Lucy dear, Luthien? You're, um, drooling.' Her friend informed her, concerned.

'Leeeegolaaaas…' she sighed.

'Ooh! So it is! Perhaps we should ask him over?'

'I don't know if he would come, I may have scared him slightly at our first meeting.'

'Yes. That did sound a little…odd behaviour. Especially from a fantastical beautiful elf like you.'

Luthien was too caught up in her lovely Greenleaf to notice the sarcasm in Elanor's voice.

'Oh, it looks like we don't have to ask him anyway. He's already on his way over here.'

Luthien didn't particularly need to be told that her elven hottie was on his way over to them. She was watching him slowly head in their direction with the other elves from Mirkwood with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide.

Suddenly, Luthien found the power within herself to act perfectly normal and elflike. All is well, she thought to herself, encouragingly, I am cool, calm and collected. I shall not drool. I shall not scare him away…he won't run away…

Just as she thought this to herself, Legolas caught sight of her. Their eyes met and for a moment, neither could look away. When their eyes did break contact, it was amazingly Luthien who looked away. She later explained to Elanor that to look at something as fair and yummy and excellent as Legolas for so long was like looking at the sun.

Legolas walked over to them in his elfish way. 

'Hello!' Elanor said cheerfully, standing in front of her silent friend.

Legolas looked around, and then down. 'Ah, greetings, little halfling.'

'That is getting really annoying,' Elanor muttered to herself, but to Legolas she said 'I hear you've already met my friend Luthien?'

Legolas glanced at Luthien. 'Yes…we have been acquainted.'

Elanor snickered. 'So, I'll leave you two elves together then, shall I?' She bounded off in search of Pippin, who she hoped was very tipsy. 

The two sat in awkward silence for a while. Legolas was the first to break the ice. 'Are you feeling better, Luthien, I mean…' he trailed off.

'Erm, about this morning…' Luthien faltered, 'Well, I'd just like to say I'm sorry about kicking you and sort of chasing after you…'

'Think nothing of it,' he said, relieved that at last this elf seemed to be in her right mind, 'I apologise for the intrusion. It would have been quite startling to wake up in such a way.'

The next part, Luthien couldn't stop herself from spilling out, 'Actually, I couldn't think of a better way to start the day.'

Oh GOD! She thought desperately, must… make …right. 'It was only a jest,' she said, forcing herself to laugh.

Legolas' expression had turned from frightened to relieved again. He actually LAUGHED. A little hysterically perhaps, but it did make the rest of the conversation more relaxing.

______

Ah! Piiiiippin!' Elanor cried out joyfully to Merry. It was very dark in the hall way …somewhere in Rivendell. 

'Erm, I'm not Pippin…' he said hesitantly, 'What's your name again?'

'Elanor Bramblerose,' she said brightly, 'and I wonder if you could tell me where my- er, where Pippin is?' she added with a casual smile. She did not realize that her facial expressions wouldn't change a thing, as it was rather dark in That Place and she could hardly tell her obsession …I mean, the object of her affections, from his best friend.

'Er, I think he went to bed.'

'Oh … where's he sleeping?'

Merry looked sceptical, or at least he _would _have looked sceptical if Elanor was able to see him. Unfortunately, for Elanor anyway, Sam rushed suddenly into the room. 'It's Mr. Frodo! He cried out joyously, breaking into the first smile they'd seen on his face since Frodo was stabbed by the Morgul blade, "he's awake. Frodo's awake.'

Merry ran out after Sam and Elanor quickly followed.

To her great surprise, it was a bright morning outside. She slowly realized that they'd been down stairs, near the wine cellars just before. Hmm…she thought, what was Merry doing near the wine cellars?

She thought no more about this, however, because just then Pippin came running up to meet them.

'He's awake then?' he asked (half-shouting at) Sam, 'Frodo's alright!'


	7. some stuff happens. legolas turns up. wo...

And then, out of sheer happiness, all the hobbits bounced about in delight, hugging a little and each of them grinning, as their dear Frodo was going to be okay. Elanor was grinning because obviously she was happy about this- and also, Pippin didn't care in the least who he was hugging-- he didn't seem to notice that she kept coming back for more.

Ah, yes, she loved the huggy nature of hobbits. It suited her purposes far more than elfish coolness, though from what she had heard from Luthien, there was quite a bit behind that coolness she had not yet witnessed, and hoped very much never EVER to see it at all.

'When can we see him?' Merry asked after a few moments of hugging. Elanor ignored him and continued bouncing around, hoping Pippin wouldn't really care.

'Well, he hasn't woken properly yet, and then we can see him. After Gandalf, that is,' Sam said happily. 'And soon we'll be able to go home! I do like it here, but I miss the Shire.'

Merry and Pippin agreed. Elanor bounced.

----

Luthien wondered where Elanor had got to. She'd disappeared ages ago and had not come back as of yet. Come to think of it, Pippin and the other hobbits were nowhere to be seen either.

'Hmmm,' Luthien thought suspiciously. 'Hum and hmmm…'

As it was morning and she had been up all night, dancing and drinking and talking to Legolas and watching Legolas from a distance and thinking about Legolas whenever he wasn't about…anyway, she was feeling quite exhausted, but decided to find Elanor and make sure she hadn't got up to any mischief, before she went to bed for the night. Or day. Whatever.

It turned out that she didn't need to walk very far at all, as after she had wobbled on tired legs for just a few halls, she bumped into three hobbits, all of whom seemed quite content. And asleep, for that matter.

Sam was not there (Luthien supposed he was watching over his Mr Frodo, which was ever so sweet) but Merry lay against the stone wall, his thumb in his mouth, and Pippin was fast asleep by a pillar, snoring softly. Elanor was cuddled up against his body with her feet tucked up under her, a smile of happiness evident on her face.

Luthien rolled her eyes and walked off, muttering about the ways of hobbits.

-------

Elanor yawned loudly and stretched, blinking at the bright sunlight streaming in the large windows. She looked around her sleepily, and was quickly wide awake the moment her eyes fell upon Pippin, who lay beside her peacefully. 

She smiled and stroked his hair lovingly. 'Ah, my lovely. You really are more lovely than I could ever have imagined- why, you're not even that short! In fact, you're taller than me, though I guess-'

Pippin started and she squeaked. 

'Oh! Good morning- is this morning?- anyways, hello, Pippin.'

He stared at her un-seeingly for a moment, and then registered who she was. 'Oh. Hello, Elanor.'

Elanor just grinned. He knew her name. HE knew HER name.

'Did you sleep well?' He asked, kicking Merry.

'Oh, _very_. I hope you did?'

'Well enough,' he answered. 'I prefer a soft bed, but no matter.'

She nodded, staring at him, dazed. Pippin seemed just a little bit unnerved by her behaviour, and attempted to wake Merry with a little more urgency. 

Elanor felt her stomach grumble, and forgot about her love for the moment. If there was one thing in the world that was almost as important as Her Pippin, it was food, and she had not yet had breakfast. Another rumble settled her mind. 

'Well, I think I'll be off for some breakfast…lunch…whatever it is now. Bye bye.'

Pippin waved, and she hopped off, her thoughts consisting mainly of pancakes. She wondered if elves had pancakes. It was possible. Maybe they would have some elfish brand of maple syrup.

On her way to the food, she passed a large garden with beautiful coloured flowers growing about it, and saw under a tree a tall figure leant against it's trunk limply. 

They looked awfully familiar, and as Elanor walked closer she saw it was Luthien.

She blinked. Luthien looked- she looked- Elanor gasped- she looked DEAD. Her best friend's eyes were wide upon, staring at nothing and not blinking at all, completely out of focus.

Elanor let out a small wail and wished she had bothered to pay attention when they talked about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation at school, instead of giggling and trying to bite Emily. 

'Luuuuuuucy,' she whispered miserably, holding her friend's limp hand to her own. 'You can't leave me, not now.' She tried to feel for a pulse. Oh, if only she could remember how to feel for a pulse! The wrist just felt like wrist! Her dear Luthien wasn't pulsing, dammit, and she could not remember mouth to mouth resuscitation, nor could she bring herself to put her own mouth on Luthien's. 

She patted Luthien's head sadly, and, in doing so, noticed her friends elf ears. The fact that Luthien was Possibly Dead temporarily flew out of her head, as they were really very nice ears. She fiddled with them interestedly. 'oooh,' she giggled, flipping them backwards and forwards. 'Floppy!'

'What the hell are you doing?' The body of Luthien said suddenly. 

Elanor shrieked. 'You're ALIVE!' She cried, abandoning the ears and flinging her arms around Luthien's neck.

Her friend stared down at her in surprise. 'Erm, yes, funnily enough I am.'

Elanor let her go, and sniffed. 'There's no need to be sarcastic. You had your eyes open and you didn't have a pulse.'

'My dear friend, elves sleep with their eyes open.' She said this very patiently. 'And of course I had a pulse.'

'Well. I couldn't feel one.'

Luthien sighed. 'Did you learn nothing from Lord of the Rings? You should have just put your sword up against my mouth, dummy, to see if it misted up.'

'I don't have a sword. And anyway…yeah.'

'That's right. Now, I suppose you're hungry?'

'However did you guess?'

'Your stomach just groaned incredibly loudly.'

'Ah…yes, it too is hungry…do you have pancakes here? I feel like pancakes.'

Luthien did not answer, as a blonde elf commonly known as Legolas was coming their way.

Luthien gave a little gasp. 'My hair. How is my hair?' She hissed to Elanor, trying to feel for twigs in her long strands. 

'Erm…' 

'What?' _What_?' Luthien said frantically. 

'Well, I can't exactly see it, can I?' 

'Oh. Well. Does it look very messy from there?'

'Only a little bit,' Elanor said honestly. 'But I wouldn't worry. He is after all a tree elf. I'm sure he'd appreciate it, if anything. He would see that you too love the trees, and he would grow to like you even more.'

'You know, that was a very bright thing for you to come up with,' Luthien said, reflecting on this.

'Yes,' Elanor said, pleased with herself. She continued as Legolas approached. 'And maybe,' she said brightly 'you could dress up as a tree! Like, paint your face brown, and dye your hair green and stick leaves on your-'

'Elanor?'

'Yes?'

'Shut up, now.'

Elanor pouted and watched Legolas come up to them. 'Good morning,' he said, his blue eyes…blue.

'Greetings, fair Legolas,' Luthien said, her voice only slightly squeaky.

'Fair alright,' Elanor muttered. 'He is definitely blond. Except his eyebrows.'

The both stared at her and she shrugged. 'Oh, nothing. Think I'll be off to….eat. Goodbye, my sweets.' She tried to wink at Luthien, but achieved only in looking weird and her face sort of smooshed up, so that Luthien hurriedly shoved her friend away. 

'Erm, excuse her,' she said politely so Legolas, silently cursing Elanor and her inability to wink. 'She's just a little bit light-headed.'

Legolas nodded, though he wasn't entirely certain about this elf…however, he laid aside his doubts for the moment. 'Luthien, I was wondering if you plan on attending the council of Elrond that has been called?'

'Oh, no…' She said casually. 'I know what's going to happen anyway.'

He stared at her and she groaned inwardly.

'Er- I mean- I'm not sure if my affairs are important enough…in fact, I know they're not. Why do you ask?'

'I was curious to know why you are here,' he said simply. Luthien wondered if all elves were so curious and interested in other peoples affairs. Elrond, for example, was far too interested in her. 

She shuddered, an act Legolas chose to ignore.

'I had probably better check up on Elanor,' she said after a moment of silence, to herself asking _'WHY? WHY? I need not leave him, no, no, I could stay! He might kiss me now! He just might!'_

'That would be wise,' he answered, no doubt having heard about the Heimlich manoeuvre the night before. 

Bloody, bloody Elanor and her stupid food, Luthien thought bitterly. 

'Faretheewell,' She said to Legolas, her heart heavy.

He nodded to her and walked away…he was so beautiful…she just wanted to pounce and trap him and take him back home where no one else could get to him…though, of course, she did not know how to get back home. And also, at home there were thousands of (stupid) girls also in love with him, who were unaware she owned her dear elf already. Or WOULD own her elf in a matter of time.

'We shall wait, my queen,' she whispered to herself, and set off to make sure Elanor did not get indigestion. If she didn't start controlling herself she was going to become awfully chubby. 

Luthien took one last glance at her All and then walked off, humming an elfish song off tune. 


	8. pretty songs. yay.

Luthien found Elanor behind a rather large stack of pancake-ish things, looking quite pleased with herself, seated at a table which was a bit too big for her, in an almost deserted room. At that moment, Merry and Pippin bustled in, making the room not so deserted.

'Hello,' Pippin said brightly, looking up at Luthien with his happy little eyes, 'I'm Pippin.'

'Yes, we've…already met,' Luthien replied, suppressing a laugh 'Last night. Do you not remember?'

Pippin screwed up his face as if painfully trying to remember, 'Oh yes. You were wearing blue,' he said, looking at the dress she had on now, 'But now you're wearing sparkly green.'

Luthien smiled down at him in a polite bemused elfish sort of way and gestured to the empty seats at the table where she and Elanor now sat. Elanor was still stuffing herself with a rapid speed but made the effort to grin at them, pancake stuffed in her mouth.

Luthien thought this would be more likely to scare them away, than welcome them.

'I think they're holding that secret council tomorrow,' Merry said, thoughtfully, 'I wonder if we should go along too.'

'Why not?' Pippin said, his words rather muffled as he'd just helped himself to some of the pancakes off Elanor's plate. Elanor seemed quite pleased by this. Luthien could tell because usually Sarah-jane would make a noise that could possibly be taken for a growl and would then make a mad snatch at the offender's hand, attempting to bite it.

'So…' Luthien said to a very-full Elanor, a few minutes later, 'what shall we do today? Do _you_ think we should pop in on the Top Secret Council meeting today? After all, I _have_ been invited,' she added smugly, 'and My Legolas _is_ expecting me there. Well he _was_ anyway…'

Elanor rolled her eyes, 'If you wish, oh great one.'

'Then it is decided,' Luthien said with a note of finality, 'We shall go to my love.'

Merry and Pippin just had time to look up from their full plates and share a look. This elf was different to most of the elves they'd met. Being friends with Elanor was definitely one example of her difference to most elves, but the way she spoke was certainly odd. Was she referring to that blonde elf from that giant-spider infested forest? Though Luthien did not seem to be an outcast for her unusual ways. On the contrary, Lord Elrond had been _quite_ taken with her from what they'd heard…

'Well, are you ready to go?' She continued, interrupting their thoughts, 'We have to find out when it's on.'

'Ok, but who will we ask?' Elanor said thoughtfully, 'I mean, it's a secret, so we'll have to ask…'

'Frodo, stupid. Oh,' she said, remembering that Merry and Pippin were still there, 'I mean, we shall ask fair master Frodo, ignoramus.'

The two hobbits seemed pleased with this normal elven way of speech and went back to eating. Elanor pouted. Luthien took pity on her slow-witted friend, 'I apologise, my wee hobbit, we can find master Frodo when Merry and Pippin are finished.'

And so they waited.

10 minutes later the three full hobbits and satisfied elf left the great dining hall in search of Mr. Baggins.

When they found him he was out on the balcony with Sam and Gandalf. 

'There's going to be a party tonight,' he told them all.

'Ah, yes, the feast for The Victory at Bruinen,' Luthien remembered, 'we should make our way there soon, Frodo is the guest of honour after all.'

Frodo looked up at her, and smiled, 'Everyone is so nice to me here,' he said, 'Is it always this peaceful in Rivendell?'

'I can only assume so,' Luthien replied, in character, 'I do not dwell in Rivendell, Frodo son of Drogo, I am but passing through here, much as you are.'

'Is that why they have those weird names for you?' Pippin asked curiously.

'Erm…' Luthien glanced quickly at Elanor, damn inquisitive hobbits, she thought annoyedly, 'the ways of elves are complex. Our speech may seem strange to others, such as your speech may seem queer to us.'

This confused her slightly, but she managed to cover it up with a smile. Luthien really liked her elvish smile. Being a vain elf, she had taken the time each morning to watch in the looking glass and smile at herself. The elves who occasionally witnessed this ritual didn't seem to think this was very unusual though.

Pippin didn't reply to this. He just stared up at her dumbly for a while, with his hand floppy, mouth parted and head cocked to one side. She was, after all, an **extremely** beautiful elf.

One scathing look from Elanor made Luthien change the subject back to Frodo.

'All have rejoiced at the escape and recovery of master Frodo,' she said kindly, 'there will be much merry making tonight. Oh, but I have been most uncourteous,' she continued, fakely, 'we have not yet been introduced. I am called Luthien.'

'Pleased to meet you,' Frodo said politely.

'I must leave you now, will you be joining me Elanor? We must find your companion and change into new attire for the feast.'

Elanor nodded reluctantly and said goodbye to the others.

And off they trotted.

They trotted patiently all around the House of Elrond looking for Lila.

'Where the hell is she!' Luthien demanded after several minutes of less-patient trotting. 'Honestly, the feast will have already started by the time we find her.'

'Patience my pet,' Elanor soothed her.

'But-but Legolas…'

'He shall be waiting for you.'

'Nooo…' she wailed, 'he doesn't lu-uve meee…'

'Give it time.' Elanor said encouragingly, 'he will fall desperately in love with you and then he'll make you queen of Mirkwood and then you'll have lots of little elf-babies and all shall be gay!'

This didn't seem to help. Luthien pulled a face at the mention of babies, 'I don't wanna have babies!' she sobbed, 'I just want the prince of Mirkwood.' She said this simply like it was a reasonable thing to ask for.

Elanor knew better than to comment on this.

'Lila!' she cried in astonishment, as they both tripped over a lump in the dark hall. The lump was rather alive. They could tell this because it squeaked with pain.

'Long have we searched for thee, Lila Brandybuck of the Shire.' Luthien said, helping both hobbits up onto their feet.

'Oh…sorry, I was asleep,' she said bashfully, 'have I missed dinner.'

'No but you will have if we don't get a move on,' Elanor said, somewhat grumpily (she was rather fond of food), 'We still have to get changed into our feasty-clothes.'

After much trouble and looking-glass coveting, the three of them set off to the great hall.

It was so crowded! They supposed the whole of Rivendell folk was gathered here. Luthien was so busy in looking around for a glimpse of her hottie elf and touching up her hair that she failed to realize her best friend and her trusty companion had seated theirselves at a table near where Merry, Pippin and Sam sat. When she _did_ realize it was only because she felt a tug at her silvery floaty dress and looked down at a very shy Lila.

'Elanor told me to get you because she wanted to eat straightaway,' she said, apologetically. Luthien looked over at Elanor with disgust. Her friend did not seem to mind and proceeded to stuff herself, lazily shrugging in a 'what-can-you-do' kind of way to Luthien.

The food was excellent. Luthien's friends were also seated at the table and talked merrily to one another while Elanor leaned over to Pippin's table most of the time, when she wasn't eating that is, and Lila watched the elves about her in awe. Luthien felt upset and her mood was not helped by the keen glances thrown in her direction by Elrond, who was seated at the high table next to Gandalf and (a very hot) Glorfindel. 

Unfortunately their table was very near to the dais and she was perfectly in view of the Lord of Rivendell. Looking at Arwen she thought worriedly to herself, I think she's prettier than me, that stupid elf lady. Ooh look at me! I'm an evening star!

Her mood continued in this way for the rest of the feast, her thoughts lightening only when Elanor fell off her chair when trying to casually lean towards Pippin.

Finally, when everyone followed Elrond and Arwen into the Hall of Fire, her spirits rose. Her light. Her All. Her really hot elven prince was also making his way through the orderly crowd towards the Hall of Fire. 'I am happy again at last,' she said partly to Elanor, mainly to herself, 'for I can see the light!'

Walking just behind Gandalf and Frodo she heard the wizard say, 'This is the Hall of Fire; here you will hear many songs and tales – if you can keep awake. But except on high days it usually stands empty and quiet, and people come here who wish for peace, and thought. There is always a fire here, all year round, but there is little other light.'

Behind her she heard Elanor revising the exact same speech to the other hobbits. She sighed inwardly.

Luthien and Elanor watched the cute little meeting of Frodo and Bilbo and when Sam fell asleep, and they both covered their eyes when the music dimmed and Bilbo went scary over the Ring.

It was so awesome there and the songs were so beautiful and everything was just so lovely. Luthien and Elanor discussed things they normally would not have discussed in front of all the elves, but they both knew very well that elves did not heed anything as they listened to the "beautiful melodies and the interwoven words in elven-tongues".

'So we'll go on to Minas Tirith with the fellowship, sort of, and I can be with my Pippin and you with your Legolas,' Elanor squealed excitedly.

'Sounds like a plan.' Luthien said enthusiastically, 'Damn! I can't see him anywhere!'

'Iiiii caaan…' Elanor said in a singsong voice and pointed behind her friend. 

Mr. Greenleaf was headed their way. 

Luthien's face was a mixture of joy and pain as she struggled inwardly to control herself and act like a cool elf that was just chattin' with her hobbit pal. By the time he came up to them and Bilbo was reading out his song, Elanor noticed that Luthien seemed to have mastered herself and looked very composed and elf-like. But for how long…she thought sinisterly, but for how long…?

Luthien could tell Elanor was having one of those soap opera thoughts where they repeat the last few words of their sentence for impact, because she had her lips pursed and her eyes squinted as the soapy actors always did. But I shall never see television again; she thought sadly to herself…then her thoughts drifted back to the present. Legolas. Mwahaha, she thought with glee, he is all mine! Oh, I'll get my pretty …and his little wood too!

Just as he was about to speak to her though, everyone applauded and Lindir began to affectionately pay out Bilbo and all mortals. 'You're such a snob, Lindir,' she said to him as Bilbo got up and went off with Frodo.

'Luthien, Luthien, you are so fond of and know so much about mortals, one would assume you were one!' he replied, laughing.

Jerk, she thought angrily, 'and you are so uninterested in things which have nothing to do with our kind, one would assume you were _not_ an elf, dear Lindir.' She said and the elves who were listening laughed.

'I apologise, little halfling, for taking no interest in the study of mortals,' Lindir continued, speaking now to Elanor, 'but as I have said, we have other business.'

'Yes, the stars are a very good study for a good thousand or so years,' Elanor said sarcastically.

Luthien smiled at her, both thought it to be quite funny when the listening elves nodded their heads in agreement with Elanor's statement. The elves were not used to sarcasm, it seemed.

However, Luthien was quite distressed when she turned around and found that Legolas was nowhere to be seen. 

She gasped, and, bending down to speak to Elanor, hissed 'My Love has LEFT me,' in a slightly panicked sort of whisper.

Elanor, being in the company of Pippin, did not seem too concerned about this, and would have just shrugged if Luthien had not been close to hyperventilating. 

'Well then…look for him' she said distractedly. 

'But- but-' Luthien wrung her hands together. 'What if I can't find him?' 

'Then it shall be awfully sad, tra la la.'

Luthien scowled. 'No. You shall help me, or I'll tell Pippin that…that…you love Merry.'

Elanor gave a little shriek.

'Yeah, think about that.'

'Fine. Bad elf. Now, if you were a Legolas, where would you be?'

'Ummm…I would be with me, of course, smooching.'

'That is a stupid answer. Now tell me really, cos I'm not an elf, and I don't know what weird things you think about.'

'Weird?' Luthien said, cocking an eyebrow menacingly. 

'Er- well- anyway, if **I** were an elf, I would be sitting at a table, eating, because my stomach would be even bigger (you must remember I'm quite small now) and so then I could fit even more in, and, also, Pippin would most likely be nearby, therefore-'

'Oh, do shut up. If I were Legolas, I would be…'

'Over there, talking to that really pretty elf girl?'

'No, of course I wouldn't, he wouldn't, because I'm here and- what?'

She looked around frantically, and saw- scary music comes here- Legolas chatting away with a tarty little elf maid, or so Luthien thought anyway. 

He was talking to her! Talking! Why was he talking to THAT thing, when Luthien was over somewhere else! 

She resolved to do something about this. Something drastic. 

Elanor's eyes lit up hopefully at the thought of a punch up in Rivendell. 'Off you go! Show her who's the Princess of Mirkwood!'

Luthien set off to do just that, until a stray thought entered her head. 'But I'm not the Princess of Mirkwood yet…'

'What does THAT have to do with it?' Elanor said, rather intent on an elf fight. 

'No,' she said, mind thinking cunningly now, 'no, I'll just make HIM want ME! Yes, that's what I'll do, and he'll get jealous and then punch the elf I flirt with and then the two of us shall make sweet passionate love by the moonlight.'

Elanor wrinkled her nose at the thought of this. 'Just punch the damn elf yourself,' she suggested. 

'No, I need him to be my rescuer, he shall be my elf in shining…clothes…' she sighed romantically.

And so she set off, heading straight towards Legolas. He looked at her as she passed by him and she smiled and turned towards Elrond who was standing near by.

Elrond was quite pleased by this. He no longer had to chase her around. At last she had given into his elfish charms.

Luthien stared at him for a moment, repressing a sick feeling in her stomach. She had to do this, there was no choice. She glanced back at Elanor desperately, and then walked over to Elrond, trying very hard to smile, though it was hard. What if he- what if he tried to- to KISS her again? 

'No,' she told herself reassuringly 'He would not do that in public…or would he?'

'Luthien, this is quite a pleasant meeting. I hoped to talk to you ere the feast of the Victory at Bruinen but you were no where to be found.'

Luthien's heart cried out 'yes!' And she smiled very happily at him. This was the wrong thing to do.

'But I am glad I have the chance to talk to you longer here,' he continued as she sighed inwardly, 'though, perhaps we could go somewhere more private…?'

Just as Luthien was about to scream in terror, the All, her elf in shining clothes, interrupted, 'Master Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, I thank you for most generously providing myself with a shelter as I stay here…the matters I have come to speak of are of much urgency.'

Elrond nodded, somewhat impatiently. 'Yes, yes, well, the council shall be tomorrow and you can speak of those matters then, Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thranduil, king of Mirkwood.'

Legolas didn't seem all too happy about this. Maybe he wanted to talk about Gollum now, and not later at all, Luthien supposed, or maybe, just maybe, he was JEALOUS.

Her insides danced happily at the thought of this, and she realised that coming over to Elrond was actually a very stupid idea, but a clever one- because now Legolas was certainly jealous (or just desperate to talk about Gollum, but that was most unlikely), but Elrond now had the idea that Luthien wanted to speak to him. He probably thought she wanted to do some other things with him too, him being the sick little but old elf that he was.

She hurriedly thought up a plan. Well, not a plan but she tried to fix the situation she'd gotten her pretty little elven self into. 'That is quite alright, master Elrond,' she said with a big smile (almost a grin), 'I only came to tell you how appreciative I am of the great hospitality and wisdom you have shown me.'

Elrond looked from her to Legolas. Obviously he was trying to think up some way to get rid of Legolas and stay with the very _appreciative_ Luthien.

Legolas seemed quite happy about this. Probably because he wanted to talk to Elrond, but _most likely _because he didn't want Luthien to go off alone with Elrond…she hoped.

And, with a graceful bow, she left the two male elves, one hot and one not so hot, to discuss Gollum until their hearts were content. She was aware that two males elves, one hot and one not so hot, watched her leaving wistfully. 

Bwaahaha, she thought with delight. Soon, my queen, we shall be the Princess of Mirkwood, just you wait and see. 

Ok, she replied to herself, I shall wait and see, oh Luthien fairest of elves, I shall wait.

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	9. can't remember right at this moment in t...

Elanor felt a bit out of place in this tall, elegant elfish place. Bilbo was singing his cute little hobbitish song, and the other hobbits seemed a little entranced by their surroundings. Elanor wanted bigger (well, smaller) fish, however, and not really fish, if we are quite honest with ourselves.

No, she wanted Pippin, and by golly, she was going to get him.

She looked around innocently (though no one would have noticed if she had glanced about in the same manner as an orc), searching for her Pippin. She found him, staring into space dreamily. 

Why wasn't he staring at her dreamily? She wondered indignantly. 

Just as she was about to pounce on him, and force him to stare at her dreamily whether he liked it or not (or at least say 'erm, hello Pippin, how are this nice evening?') she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Resisting the urge to growl, Elanor turned around. 

'What do you want?' She groaned, seeing her best friend standing there, looking mighty pleased with herself. 'Can't you see that I'm busy at the moment?' 

'Doing what?' Luthien answered. Not really expecting an answer, she continued. 'You are not going to BELIEVE what just happened.'

'Well then, I'll continue what I'm doing, shall I?'

'Hell no, you have to guess.'

'But I don't want to guess,' Elanor whined. 'I want my Pippin.'

'You shall have to wait…okay then, I will tell you, and you will listen.'

'Be quick about it, or he might move.'

'Do you think about nothing else?' Luthien said, distracted for the moment. 

'Of course I do. Are you going to tell me this story or not?'

'Yes. Well,' she said dramatically. 'I was over there, talking to Paedophile elf, right, and then my darling came over- to me, might I add, not to anyone else but ME- and he said something beautiful because he always says something beautiful, and then Elrond got a bit shirty and Legolas wanted to talk about Gollum, and so I escaped from the paedophile's evil clutches, and I know that my love, my one and only loves ME!' Luthien clasped her hand to her heart. 'Me, he loves me!'

'Yay,' Elanor said, quite unenthusiastically.

Luthien appeared to be slightly crestfallen. 'Aren't you happy for me?'

'Yes, well, I am.'

'Can I please have a 'oh my god, you're going to get a valentine this year, that is so exciting,' girly sort of hug then please?'

Elanor looked her elf friend up and down. 'Well, I would. But it's just so much effort, you see.'

'Ah, yes, good point. Well…can I have a oh my god, you're going to get a valentine this year hand shake then?'

And so they shook hands.

'Well, now that that's out of the way…oh no, he's gone.' Elanor peered around the elves, her face forlorn. 'You made darling go, Luthien.'

'Legolas loves me,' she answered, her face blissful.

Elanor scowled ad stomped away. 

'I'll see you tomorrow morning then?' Luthien called after her cheerfully. 

Elanor waved listlessly and continued her way back to bed, feeling quite put out and sad, because Legolas loved Luthien, and okay that was good and all, yes, we do all agree with that. But now she didn't have anyone, because Pippin really only noticed her properly when she was eating, and Luthien was all sappy and mushed up over Legolas, which was okay sometimes but when one is hungry and they have no Pippin…

She sighed loudly, burped, and snuggled up under the covers.

-------

Luthien was in a land of ignorant bliss. At one stage she suspected that Elrond had winked at her, but she paid no heed to this, for Legolas loved her- or at least, he was well on the way to loving her, and they were basically one and the same thing.

Ew, the thought of Elrond, a billion year old elf, finally caught up with her and she shuddered visibly.

Then, while thinking that perhaps there had been something in his eye, and at least he could wink better than Elanor, she saw **H**im, the light of her life.

'Legolas,' she muttered to herself. 'I must stay calm and I must not throw myself at him…that would not be good, and he might be scared off…'

She breathed deeply and walked calmly over to him, though in her mind her…mind…was shrieking to the heavens 'LEGOLAS MY LOVE!' 

'Greetings, fair Legolas,' she said, smiling at him elfishly. 

He nodded to her, a small smile on his lips. 

'Let us make sweet passionate love by the moonlight,' she said conversationally.

Legolas started, and blinked at her, speechless. 

'Er- I- I mean- let us make sweet passion fruit that I love by the moonlight,' she stammered, hoping that this would somehow make sense to Legolas.

It didn't really, but he would accept it, as it was more normal than him and she making sweet passionate love together at this hour. It was far too late for anything like that, and anyway, they'd just met.

Legolas prided himself on the fact that he was not a hasty sort of elf. Aragorn had once told him that playing hard to get was the way to go, and obviously it had worked for him. Legolas thought he must have played very, very hard to get, and possibly had given Arwen some nice presents or something, because though Aragorn was ruggedly handsome, in a rugged sort of way, surely a beautiful elf maiden would choose someone elfishly handsome over someone who hardly ever seemed to wash their hair?

Or maybe it was just true love…yes, that would be sweet, Legolas thought, and turned to Luthien, who was still blushing over the fact that she had suggested to Legolas they make sweet passionate love by moonlight, though very prettily she blushed. Not the bright red flushy sort of blush, more of a pink tinged cheeks sort of blush, which rather suited her.

'I hear there are some nice passion fruits at this time of year,' Luthien continued. Oh, where was Elanor and her continuous rambling when you really needed her? Luthien wondered desperately. Off asleep, that's where, and what a fat lot of good that was going to do her now. Legolas was looking at her like she was some sort of bright pink passion fruit.

'Oh?' He said, pretending to know what passion fruits were.

'Oh, yes,' Luthien said knowledgably. 'But perhaps we should leave that for another night, as I am sure you are very tired, and tomorrow is the council of Elrond, is it not?'

'That is true,' he said. He smiled at her (Luthien's stomach fluttered about happily). 'Faretheewell.'

She waved (gracefully) and watched him walk away. Phew. Well, at least he hadn't run screaming. That was somewhat of a relief. 

Off to bed for me, she thought to herself happily. Tonight she would have sweet dreams of she and Legolas making passion fruit by the light of the moon…

____

Back in Adelaide, Australia, sitting in an empty classroom at recess, sat six friends, though once there would have been nine, but Jess had fallen into darkness and Sarah-jane and Lucy had disappeared off the face of the earth without a trace. 

'Where could they be?' Claire said sadly, and proceeded to bite into her tuna sandwich.

'Well, Jess is at Balaclava High,' Emily answered in an all-knowing way.

'I know that. I was talking about the other two.'

'Ah…well…'

Megan gave a sniffle. Suzie cried out in pain for her babies. 'Where are my munchkins?' She wailed. 

Courtney made some sort of scathing comment, and Megan sniggered and then remembered she was sad because her buddies had disappeared, and she despairingly chucked her purple fruit-box in the bin- even though it wasn't even finished yet…so, it was a sad time for everyone. 

They sat in silence for the rest of recess, mourning their loss, with the knowledge that after recess, they would have cave troll woman (aka Ms Phillips)…oh, the horror of the horrors!


	10. the council of elrond. gone a little bit...

The sun was shining. It was shining very brightly, and Luthien wished very much that she had curtains to shield this brightness from her precious eyes. 

'Mrgghmmm…' she mumbled grumpily, hiding her head under the blankets crossly. 

She heard a loud knock on the door, and chose to ignore it. It was, after all, far too early for people to be knocking in the first place.

They knocked again, this time even louder and when she did not answer, the door cricked open and the knocker peered around the door. 

Luthien mumbled something indistinguishable and stuck her head out from under the covers, her hair a mess, though quite a nice, elfish sort of mess. One must look their best at all times, after all.

She blinked several times until the knocker came into focus, and then she felt rather like crawling back under the covers again. Most likely he would have felt like crawling under there with her.

'Good morning, fair Luthien, I hope I have not disturbed your rest.'

'Oh…no…of course not,' she muttered, wishing he was Legolas with all her heart. 'I…er, often practice awaking early and hiding my face from the sun light, it is a most effective natural remedy for a healthy glowing complexion.'

Elrond nodded interestedly, though he wasn't actually listening to a word she said.

'Master Elrond, what brings you to call upon me at such an hour?' she asked him, darkly coming up with an answer for him in her head.

'I come to tell you, Luthien, whose skin glows as the sun, and whose hair cascades elegantly down the fine curves of your back and ends in a way much like the river flows into the sea' ('what the hell is he on about?' She thought to herself, but kept smiling politely) 'and whose eyes are as blue as a summer sky, with the green of the stems of Elanor flowers…your elbows, so precise and sharply pointed, and your nose arched beautifully like a-'

'Master Elrond, why have you come?' she interjected, half frightened, half pissed off.

'I came to ask you once more if you are to attend the council I have called this morning. It begins in an hour and I thought you might enjoy breakfast before a long and dark council.'

'Breakfast would be delightful,' she said, the thought of pancakes momentarily making her forget that Paedophile Elf was there in her bedroom before what could possibly be thought of as a reasonable hour. She was of course not food obsessed like her best friend, but breakfast is a wonderful thing for anyone.

'I shall have a tray be brought to us then, and together we can eat and enjoy one another's company.'

No! Luthien thought desperately. That wasn't meant to be what happened! 

'Uh- I much prefer eating alone, Master Elrond,' she said politely, unable to think of a reason as to why this was. 

'Surely you would not want to dine alone at such an hour, when the sun is at its most beautiful.'

The sun is barely at its anything at all, Luthien thought darkly. A few hours ago it wasn't up at all. We should not be up at all either.

'Actually, I was going to eat with my dear friend, Elanor,' she said hurriedly.

'Of course, the halfling, no doubt you wish to spend time with her.'

'No doubt.' Luthien said, nodding agreeably.

'Perhaps I should join thee and thy friend, as I am interested in learning the ways of hobbits.'

'No,' Luthien choked out. 'We- must- catch up and talk to one another privately, for there is also much we…must…talk about,' she said hesitatingly. 

Elrond nodded his wise old head understandingly. 

Luthien decided that now was the time to rush off and find Elanor before Elrond could come up with another reason to stay with her. 

She did not bother with dressing, as her nightie was rather lovely and white and altogether pretty, and also she did not want to spend a moment more with the Paedophile. 

Rushing quietly down the halls, searching for Elanor's room, Luthien was suddenly stricken sad by the thought that she would not ever be able to get out of the book again. How ever was she to get into the next two?!

When she had found her little hobbit she cried out in desperation that she would never get to make sweet passionfruit with her love by the moonlight in Gondor. Elanor didn't have the faintest idea of what she was talking about.

Then Luthien told her her troubles and Elanor nodded wisely and said, ''what on earth possessed you to ask Legolas if he wanted to make sweet passion fruit with you? How exactly DOES a person make passion fruit? But no matter,' she said, waving this aside. 'You can make passion fruit with him later, Luthien, now it is time for breakfast.' Elanor started to push her friend out of the door, very business like.

'But- but-'

'Come, come, there is food to be had.'

'But-'

'Yes, I know you're upset, my pet…it will be alright…you can have pancakes, if you wish.'

'Argh, does everything revolve around food in this world?' Luthien said, exasperated, and feeling miserable, as Elanor wasn't listening to her at all. 'We have far bigger troubles and you are worried about whether there will be any maple syrup left.'

Elanor turned to face her, eyes wide. 'What could possibly be more important than pancakes?' She asked, her voice trembling. 

'The fact that we are in ONE book- how do we get into the other two?'

'We…find a copy of the two towers?' She guessed hopefully. 

'Oh!' Luthien cried despairingly, 'Oh dearedy deary dear. What ever shall we do? This is so typical.' She muttered darkly to herself, 'now that I've finally got him under the deep spell of my beauty, I shall not ever get past Frodo and Sam floating off to Mordor and get to that beautiful line of the second book, "Aragorn sped on up the hill."' She sighed.

'But- but- but- won't Aragorn speed on up the hill anyway? Surely he doesn't care about a thing like what book he's in…and anyway, there are some copies of the book that are all printed together, so- so maybe it doesn't matter, and we'll just follow them along anyway. I say we don't worry about it until we get there, and now we should go and ease our troubled minds. For example, we could eat pancakes,' she said brightly. 

'You're right. We'll jump that hurdle when we come to it. But for now, let us eat the cakes of pan.'

'Aye.'

Luthien chose to ignore that comment and continued to walk happily down to the food hall. She _did _hope that Mr. Half-eleven did not _happen_ to be in there also…

-------

The two friends met up with Frodo and Pippin and Merry and Sam later that day (though not particularly late, as Elrond didn't like to have his councils after lunch, arguing that doing so gave him indigestion.) and it was decided that Frodo and Sam would go to the council together, along with Luthien.

Actually it wasn't decided at all, but Luthien whispered to Elanor that she would be going, and they already knew Sam and Frodo were going, so it was a sort of decision.

Elanor decided not to go to the council, because she thought that A) it would be really boring and anyway, she already knew what was going to happen, and B) Pippin was not going.

When the bell announcing the Council rang, the elf and two hobbits waved goodbye to their friends, and trotted off, Frodo genuinely interested in what was going to happen, Sam going so as to protect his master, which is just the sweet sort of thing he would do, and Luthien was looking forward to being in the same area as Legolas for a number of hours…she suddenly realised that she must hurry or else the best seats would taken- she planned on sitting in a position where he was side on to her, but not too side on, so that she could see his face front on if he turned slightly. Sitting next to him would be a wonderful thing, but then she would not be able to gaze at him without being somewhat obvious.

-------

Elanor, Merry and Pippin lay on the grass staring at the sky. Both Merry and Pippin were wondering what was happening at the Council, and Elanor snoozed lazily in the warm sun, relishing the fact that she was so close to Pippin.

'D'you think we'll be able to go home soon?' Pippin asked, and Elanor smiled because he was so innocent.

'Well, I should think so,' Merry answered. 'Frodo's done what he was asked to do, hasn't he?'

'Yes,' Pippin said, his voice cheerful. 

Elanor wondered hopefully if they would maybe start hugging again. 

-----

The council was quite boring; the only thing that really amused Luthien and held her interest was the retelling of Gollum's escape by Legolas. Ah, how she loved him… sitting next to Gimli she could watch him quite happily and he didn't really seem to notice anyway as he was just learning for the first time about everything. 

After the council had yakked on about everything and appointed Frodo as ring-bearer express to Mordor, Luthien piped up, 'If I may now speak Lord,' she said hesitantly, 'I wish to go to the great city, Minas Tirith, for I have urgent business there.'

'What urgent business is this that you speak of, Luthien the veiled?' Elrond asked interestedly, looking at her with piercing eyes.

Legolas too, looked now at her, a look of great interest on his fair and flawless beautiful handsome perfect face.

'Er, I…I wish to speak with an old friend of mine.'

'What friend is this, Luthien?' Gandalf said, also piercing her with his wizardy eyes.

Crap! She thought desperately, what the hell do I say? _What the hell do I say!_ Oh God. I have no idea. My mind has gone blank. I have a mental blank. Blank is my mind.

'I am sure you do not know her, for she does not speak to any, save myself, who walk on land.' She said mysteriously. Well, mysteriously to them, but lamely to her.

'A creature that does not dwell on land?' Legolas piped up, 'what creature is this Luthien?'

Her stomach gave a happy flutter when his perfect lips spoke her name. 'She is a sea sprite, and I call her, _Aquaphilos_, which means _water friend_ in their ancient tongue.' She replied, feeling very intelligent. Mwahaha, she thought evilly, I can speak Latin! Go me!

'This is great news, Luthien, for until now I was aware that the sprites of the sea only existed in the great lore books of old.' Said Elrond, amazed, and now Luthien felt like she wanted to hide because everyone was staring at her with a sudden new interest. She blushed embarrassedly, which made her feel even more embarrassed, and looked down at her forget-me-not blue dress and waited patiently for them all to stop staring at her. She felt so small and unimportant amongst all these great important men, elves and dwarves.

'Yes, and they wish for it to stay that way, I think. A secret.' She said quietly.

'You must tell us more of the sprites of the sea,' Elrond said. Luthien wondered to herself why every answer she gave lead to more tricky questions.

Bilbo's stomach made a murmur of disagreement, and Sam began to rub his stomach absent-mindedly. Frodo looked forlorn.

'Perhaps another time the mysterious Luthien may tell us her story of the sea sprites,' Gandalf said.

'I would be pleased to tell you all, when I am called upon to tell my tale.' Luthien said, relieved. In the days to come, she thought to herself, I must think up a cool story about the sea sprites and me. I shall chuck in some Little Mermaid stuff too. Perhaps a little rendezvous between a really hot merguy and me…

'Now, you shall be refreshed, little master,' Elrond said, smiling to Bilbo, who hurriedly got up and went off with Frodo and Sam into the dining hall.

The rest of the council followed.

____

Elanor was bored. She had suddenly realised (while waiting for the others to return from the very long and drawn out council) that she had no purpose here in Middle Earth. Well, she had to make Pippin fall in love with her, and she looked forward to each delicious elfish meal, but even meals that are yummy and elfish can become somewhat tiring when there is nothing at all in between the meals, except for following Pippin around and laughing at all the funny things he said.

'Sigh,' she said, sighfully.

'What are you sighing about?' Pippin asked her concernedly.

'I am useless and will be no help on this mission questy thingamabob…'

'What quest are you going on?' he asked interestedly.

Her spirits lightened. Pippin cared about her. He was interested in what she had to say. The world was bright again. The rain has moved on, and invites a new day…she sung happily to herself. Though I am not Peter Rabbit. Then she remembered her Scotty-short-thing was still waiting for an answer. 'Oh, never mind.' Was all she came up with.

Just then, Luthien and the gang (ie: Bilbo, Frodo and Sam) came into the food hall where she was sitting with Pippin and Merry. They told them they'd have a little meeting of their own in Bilbo's room later that day, as Bilbo, Frodo and Sam had missed elevensies and would be too busy eating at the moment.

Luthien and Elanor passed on this and decided to spend the day coming up with evil plots to snag their lovely elf and hobbit.

At dinnertime they all sat together and Luthien's elf friends joined them. Elanor was quite happy in a conversation with Pippin when Lila came over to them. They made a space for her and she began almost immediately talking with Frodo about …hobbity-talky-things Luthien watched the young lovers contently. Aww… cute little hobbits, she thought, it's so obvious that Frodo is into Lila. And do I detect a budding romance between Mr. Took and Miss. Bramblerose?

Then her thoughts changed. I don't think my elf _loves_ me yet, I think he definitely _likes_ me, but he's not falling desperately and hopelessly in love with me yet. I must change all that. The question is: how long will it take?

Her thoughts stopped abruptly when she saw Pippin try to dab the wine he'd clumsily (and quite drunkenly spilt) down Elanor's front. She blinked. He looked rather embarrassed and everybody at the long table was staring at them in a bemused sort of way. Elanor was most pleased. He just shyly apologised a few times to her before dragging Merry off with him into the Hall of Fire.

Elanor hardly seemed to notice that she had a rather big stain on her much-loved hobbit dress. She just grinned joyfully at Luthien and continued to stare after Pippin.


	11. rambo, the matrix and superman

The days had passed by and Frodo and co. had been in Rivendell for nearly two months, when Elanor was nearly killed by and elf on a horse. Luthien and Elanor and the hobbits had just been innocently enjoying the autumn sunshine, when two elf riders came swiftly galloping through the woods, heading towards the House of Elrond. Both, of course, were rather hot –not too girly, not too Rambo- just elf-warrior hot enough. They were also the sons of Elrond. Elrohir was the unlucky elf to nearly and quite accidentally have killed Elanor, and Elladan was the one who dismounted and began to chat to the hot elf maiden who was with the halflings, while his brother rushed to the aid of the very disgruntled hobbit girl.

Elanor's mood however, brightened when a very concerned Pippin bent over her and asked her how she was feeling. She could see right up his nose, laying on the ground with a dazed look in her eyes, and what a lovely nose it was.

Meanwhile, Luthien had to explain to Elladan that while she thought he was a 'very beautiful elf and I am sure that you are a skilled and impressive warrior' that her heart belonged to another and basically that his attempts to court her, however charming (or freaky, if he was anything like his father…eww...) were in vain. 'I am certain that you will meet a fair elf maiden someday, though, and then you shall know true happiness. Not exactly as beautiful and spiritual and eroti- as my love and I shall share everyday…and sometimes right after lunch, but it's a start.' She finished with a charming smile.

Elladan nodded and mounted his horse again and rode off with his brother to see daddy dearest and tell him all about their 'secret errand'.

Elanor was still lying on the ground rather dazed. Pippin was still leaning over her. The other hobbits were snickering. Lila was looking extremely joyful for Frodo who was now silently laughing was facing her with his back to the one near-dead hobbit and the other overly concerned hobbit. Luthien sighed and lifted Elanor to her feet. She ignored Elanor's fake cries of pain and led her off towards the house of Elrond. The others followed.

'Elrond's gonna summon them all to him anyway,' she explained to Elanor, whispering, 'and besides, Lego-'

She stopped abruptly. Luthien thought she had some sort of psychic power or something that kicked in whenever she really _really _wanted to find Legolas because he'd suddenly appear, shining in his elfish way. He really was beautiful.

'Telekinesis...' she muttered to herself happily.

Elanor cocked her eyebrow. 'You are definitely not a psychic, for one thing, you have a stick that you use to change the TV channel when you can't be stuffed getting up,' she said, shaking her head.

'Yes, well,' Luthien said, trying to _think _Elanor away from her, 'at least I'm not into short hairy little people,' she said hotly. Her pride had been insulted. She _was_ telekinetic.

Elanor's face suddenly became dark and clouded. 'What-did-you-say!' she demanded, throwing her apple (an angry hobbit custom) on the ground.

'You're gonna take that the wrong way, aren't you?' Luthien lashed back.

'You suck!' Elanor yelled, answering Luthien's question.

Oh God, Luthien thought, stupid _stupid_ Elanor and her stupid dumb...ness. Damn her! She's going to make a big scene in front of my princey bow boy. Damn her!

'Elanor,' she hissed, 'you're making a scene-'

'Oh so now I'm making a scene am I? _I'm_ making a scene. All by myself. You couldn't _possibly_ be making a scene. You're too elf-ish and composed and…and prissy!' she added –half whispering, and covered her mouth, shocked by her own words.

'PRISSY!' Luthien bellowed, not looking the least bit composed now, 'Oh! It's on now!' she said and swung at Elanor. Unfortunately, as Elanor was practically half her height, she missed and spun around on the spot, only just dodging a kick aimed at her from Elanor. It actually looked quite cool and rehearsed to the innocent onlookers, like the sort of synchronized moves they did in The Matrix, but Legolas and Rakael stepped in.

'What has overcome you both?' Legolas asked, reprimanding, looking from Luthien to Elanor.

Luthien shrank back under his disapproving glance.

Elanor mumbled something inaudible.

Luthien smiled suddenly, it was a very stupid fight and a very stupid situation and it was basically altogether messed up and she found the thought of all that highly amusing. Elanor began to giggle. 'You're not prissy,' she said holding out her hand to shake. 'And I'm sure you are amazingly telekinetic.'

'Hobbits are very cute and beautiful creatures,' Luthien said honestly.

And they shook hands.

Then Luthien remembered (how could she have forgotten!) that her love stood beside her and he was now looking doubtful about her sanity again. She swooned to cover it up.

And so they continued on to The House of Elrond, the hobbits with anticipation, while Elanor skipped and Luthien was thoroughly enjoying being carried by Legolas.

But for how long, she thought distantly, I wish he could hold me like this forevermore… it's such a shame that I can't see his fair face, but how often will I get the opportunity to have his arms wrapped around me… a lot, hopefully.

To her disappointment, however, she was then placed on a cover-less bed and she heard Legolas leave the room and Elanor's snicker as she sat down. Luthien knew her extremely caring friend had pulled up a chair next to the bed because she heard the legs drag across the floor followed by a bemused sigh which told her that Elanor was just above her left ear. 'Luthien, Luthien, Luthien…sigh' she said, very intelligently.

Luthien fakely fluttered her eyelashes and slowly opened her eyes.

'There's no need to put on that swoon-crap now, elf girl,' Elanor said, and Luthien obediently sat up happily on the bed. 'Lover boy had to go. He sends his deep concern to you though.'

'HE touched me!' Luthien cried with glee, a look of pure happiness on her face, 'he put his strong toned muscular loving beautiful arms around me and CARRIED me, please note, all the way here…oh, if only this room had been so much further away…' she sighed wistfully. Then she thought a little clearer, 'Where we?' (Well I _did_ say 'a little').

'Elrond's healing room…' her friend said, her voice filled with evil happiness, 'as in, the lord of Rivendell is going to come in here soon and…heal you.' She said with a sinister smile.

'You are pure evil,' Luthien informed her with disgust, 'here I am, tired after fake swooning, and you mock me. Mock me with thoughts of what will happen when paedoelf comes in to-'(she shuddered) '-heal me.'

'Hey I stayed with you didn't I? Even though I knew you were just faking. I could've gone off with my Pippin-'

'Shh,' Luthien interrupted, 'Did you just hear something?' she said, frowning.

'You forget, oh elfish one, that I don't have your superman hearing powers.'

'Oh no!' her friend's fair face fell, 'He's coming. Quick!' she hissed at Elanor, 'Barr the door!'

'Aye aye cap'n!' Elanor said, saluting her, and obediently throwing her back against the door. 'I'll fend 'im off with the strength of twenty me-'

The door swiftly opened and Elanor was swiftly knocked into the wall along with it. Luthien and Elrond stared down at the dizzy little hobbit who was now singing 'The Hobbit Song'. She seemed to be accompanied by a triangle.

'We must place her on the bed,' Luthien said, pretending to be completely concerned about her slightly-more-out-of-it-than-usual friend, 'She may have a concussion. Your son Elrohir had the misfortune earlier to knock her down with his horse. And now this...' she said, her eyes filling with tears. They were only for show of course. Luthien knew Elanor would be quite all right after a little nap. For now, however, she had to concentrate on the Most Important Thing: getting away from Elrond and his healing hands as soon as possible.

Elrond gently and easily lifted poor muddled Elanor from the ground and placed her on the bed. Luthien now sat in the chair with her head cocked to the side and looking down at her friend in a caring sort of way. She really _did_ feel sorry for Elanor and right now she felt a great rush of gratitude toward her, for she had unknowingly just gotten Luthien out of a very tight situation.

Poor Elrond put his hand to Elanor's forehead and sighed with relief. 'She will be well soon,' he said to Luthien, 'in fact she may even be up in time for supper. But for now we must let her rest a while. No doubt she will be glad for it when her strength is returned to her and she is able to fill herself heartily again.'

Luthien pretended to sniffle. Now Elrond's attention had been brought back to her and he said, 'Alas, it was for you that I was called here, patiently you have waited and I had forgotten for a time the reason of my business here. Speak now, Luthien the veiled, of what doth ail thee.'

'I assure you I am no longer troubled,' she replied, insistently, 'It was but a brief fainting spell which does sometimes overcome me when I have not eaten.'

He looked at her closely and she smiled reassuringly. 'You say this occurs often?' he persisted.

Damn those stupid question answers. I am so close…and yet so far…

'Er, as I have already told you, it will only happen if caused by lack of food. Through no fault of your own, kind and wise Lord Elrond,' she added hastily, 'it was silly of me to miss breakfast.'

He nodded, frowning, 'and why did you skip breakfast, Luthien? Were you not hungry?'

'I was preoccupied,' she replied, wondering what she was meant to have been preoccupied with.

'In future then, I ask you always to eat well before starting the day frolicking about the peaceful woods of Rivendell with friends.'

'Your wish be granted,' she said relieved, 'but come, you must now see Frodo and give him council. I have delayed you long enough.'

'It is true that I must speak with the brave halflings from the Shire. Gandalf also must be present. There is much work ahead of us. Though in the midst of all this I have not forgotten your request to travel to Minas Tirith to your friend, and now I feel I must urge you to stay.'

'I would love to serve thee and grant this last request as a small repayment for your generosity, Lord,' she said, though she did not mean a word of it, 'but for Aquaphilos to send word to me from so far, I fear her invitation to be perilous and its need be urgently answered. What it is she wishes me to do for her, I cannot guess, but my heart tells me I must go to her as soon as I can – to wait even a month later would cause grief and suffering for her kingdom, I fear.'

'In seven days a fellowship of nine will set out on the most dangerous and secret quest ever to be seen in Middle Earth,' he said gravely, 'You have a stout heart and a clear mind, Luthien, I do not think your travelling with the fellowship would be a hinderage against them. There will be nine to journey on this quest, set against the nine nazgul.'

'I do not wish to take the place of any that are more worthy of such a quest, but instead I ask that I may travel by them, not straying far and without being always under their command. I could act as a scout if need be, and we should alert one another of danger - a constant threat that will make the secrecy of this journey slow and wearisome.'

'Then it shall be so. I shall tell the members of this fellowship -where the lives of us all now rest in their hands- that you have requested to journey near them and will lend your help to them as much and often as they need it. Luthien,' he sighed sadly, 'it will be a long and perilous road ahead – the shadow has now stretched so far that I cannot foresee much of the danger that lies ahead of you, but I ask you now to go forth with a stout heart and say that if you stay true to the fellowship, then you need not fear its failing.'

'Thankyou,' Luthien said, choking back tears that threatened to fall silently down her cheeks. She had remembered Boromir was going to die and realised that she should not interfere with this or the story would not be the same. 'When I try to leave Elanor will follow me, would it not be better if she came along too?'

Elrond shook his head. 'She does not understand the danger that lies before her, if she did, she would not dare to go,' he replied.

'But none who go can fully understand the great peril ahead of us,' Luthien argued, remembering what Gandalf had said to convince him to let Merry and Pippin go along, 'and even if Elanor did, she would still wish to go and be shamed and unhappy. Her friendship will be the best asset to offer to this fellowship. United we can stand but divided we will fall.'

'Let it be so then' he sighed, 'perhaps you are right, and Lila Brandybuck could be sent back to the Shire as a messenger instead.'

'I cannot answer for her,' Luthien said, wondering if it would change everything in the Shire if Lila became a messenger from Rivendell, 'but she too has a great heart and is a fit and capable traveller. I thank you greatly for all that you have done for us Lord Elrond, and hope someday to repay my debt to you.'

Just then, Elanor stirred and muttered something about Subway burgers, and Luthien soothed her and explained to Elrond that she often spoke this sort of nonsense and that Elanor was probably getting her appetite back again.

'That is well,' he replied and said a courteous goodbye.

'Faretheewell, Elrond the wise, I shall speak with thee ere our departure,' she said, noting to herself that when she _did_ speak with him it would be in a room crowded with people.

He bowed and swept out of the room and along a corridor, and Luthien was quite content.


	12. and off they go, into the wilderness

They stayed in Rivendell a good while (well, seven days) longer and were quite happy and content. Gandalf and Aragorn spent much of their time researching (except for when Aragorn was smooching Liv Tyler) through old lore books that were in Rivendell, and Frodo spent most of his time with Bilbo and Sam. Merry and Pippin just bumbled about, not really doing much. Except eat. They ate quite a bit. 

Luthien and Elanor however were quite busy. They had to pack. They would need food (lots of food); warm clothes that looked nice yet rugged so as not to appear too girly; a towel in case they fell in the water; a small looking glass (as Legolas would be around almost 24/7); hairbrushes; some nice elfish conditioner and shampoo (big bottles. They'd be away for a long time); band-aids with smiley faces (which had fortunately been packed before they hopped into the book); warm toe socks- which as Luthien pointed out to Elanor she didn't really need- and sunscreen. The sun shining off the snow on Caradhras would be quite hazardous for their skin.

The rest of the time, when they weren't quickly dashing back to shove some new item in their already bulging backpacks, Luthien avoided Elrond as much as possible, though there were some meetings in the Halls of Fire that she couldn't get away from. Elanor bumbled with Lila and the other hobbits, having a fun old bumbly time.

They were making ready to set out one December evening at dusk, having already said goodbye to everyone in the hall. Bilbo was very sad and quiet (Luthien and Elanor noted how sweet this was.), Aragorn sat with his head bowed to his knees- quite obviously because he would be leaving lover-elf-girl again- while Sam went through everything in his pack, realising sadly he had forgotten his rope.

It was all very sad and quiet. Elanor sniffed, though she was actually very excited. Except for the fact she was leaving Lila behind, for her trusty companion had agreed to be a messenger and go back to the Shire, though she was terribly miserable to be leaving her darling Frodo.

Lila stood outside with them looking forlorn and lonely. Elanor gave her a big hug and told her to be happy and to eat lots and lots of extra meals in memory of them, and then Luthien knelt down and hugged her because she was very cute and needed a hug. Just when Gandalf and Elrond came out Frodo hugged Lila and gave her a sweet little hobbity kiss on the lips. 

Elrond did his speech, adding a part about watching out for the fair maiden and her companion ('what?!' Elanor exclaimed in a whisper. 'Am I not fair? And a maiden?!' Luthien hushed her.) who would sometimes be travelling with them. The he said his elvish goodbye (which- Luthien was very happy- did not include hugging) and they began to go.

Luthien was hurriedly given a necklace with a bluestone, shaped like an eagle, set upon a silver chain by Rakael, Karlwen, Earlwen and her other elf buddies who stood beside the road looking sombre and silent. 

'I will return here again, my friends,' she told them, 'be not heavy hearted. Good will triumph over evil once more.'

'But at what price?' Rakael said sadly and bowed his head. 

'Perhaps you would travel to the great city when all this is over,' Luthien said smiling, hoping she wouldn't get killed if she wasn't actually meant to be in the book, 'I shall wait for you all with a song of our travels.' And she turned back and ran quickly up the path to catch up with Elanor. She heard their soft voices bidding her farewell and realised suddenly that she had tears in her eyes. Not sad tears, tears of pain. The chain had caught on her hair.

Gandalf appeared suddenly beside her and said thoughtfully (Gandalf was always such a thoughtful wizard) 'The road ahead of us is dark and perilous, but if you stay true to the fellowship, we shall succeed.' He said this so confidently that everybody stopped sniffling. 

Luthien grinned internally as she walked in silence besides her all because she realised she was going to be around him All The Time. 

At that moment Elanor was thinking more about the fact that there would be no more second breakfast for her…she was have to get through this. And Pippin would be just the hobbit to help her.

As they walked Gimli chattered…and chattered…and he kept on chatting. Luthien's heart skipped a beat every time she heard Legolas interject something (which wasn't very often.) Him talking about nature was a real turn on. 

The fellowship walked on ahead after awhile, and Elanor and Luthien lagged behind a little. Luthien talked for a little bit about the coolness of Legolas- 'he's such a champ, isn't he?'- and Elanor nodded patiently, not listening to a word she said. 

Eventually after a few uneventful (well, eventful, but we're not retelling the story) days, the fellowship attempted Caradhras while Luthien and Elanor stayed back. Elanor built a lovely snowman and used some of the warm clothes she'd packed to clothe it. Luthien wanted to follow Legolas and hear him saying his cute little line about Boromir and Aragorn snow-ploughing, and see him prance along the snow. But she just couldn't be stuffed. 

Elanor didn't want to go up on the mountain in the least bit (although the prospect of being cuddled up with Pippin was quite appealing) and so she stood happily with Bob the snowman, telling him that yes, one day he would melt, but for today it was all okay and well and good. 

And then they waited a long time. Where they stood the sun shone brightly and slowly…slowly…Bob began to melt. 

Luthien sighed loudly and patted Elanor on the back as she wailed mournfully. "Boh-ob!' She sniffled. Luthien was becoming impatient- what on earth were they doing on that mountain for goodness sakes? And here she was, stuck with a fitful hobbit who was mourning a snowman. 

At last her all came glowing towards them, lightly stepping across the snow. He smiled beautifully at them and said 'why have you waited for us? Or are you unsure of the way to go? It seems Caradhras is angry and will not let us pass. We go now to the Mines of Moria.' He finished as the others came puffing up behind him.

'We began to move on but my heart told me to wait here,' Luthien replied after smiling genially at him for awhile. Elanor sobbed. Legolas looked to Luthien and she explained 'her snowman has melted in the heat of the sun and she weeps for… he was carved in the likeness of her father,' she added lamely.

'So she is skilled in the craft of snow,' elfieboy said interestedly. Elanor sniffled a little quieter and snuck a look at Pippin hopefully. She was skilled. 

Gandalf looked fondly down at her, for he did so love the sweet little hobbits and patted her curly head. Then he said a few quiet magic words and Bob miraculously stopped melting and stayed as hard as…hard snow. 

Elanor gave a little squeal of delight and hugged Bob happily. Then she would have hugged Gandalf but as she was a short hobbit that was virtually impossible, and so she threw her arms around the wizard's knees. 'Yay!'

Alas, then she had to part with Bob. Sadly she waved to him and trudged along behind the company, silently delighting in the sympathetic glances Pippin threw at her. 

Luthien shivered dramatically. If Legolas noticed, maybe he would put his arm around her shoulder. Unfortunately, Legolas wasn't really a cuddly sort of elf. It seemed that Boromir was more in touch with this sort of thing. He placed his cloak on her shoulders kindly and she smiled at him. Gee, he was a kind man of Gondor. She would have to get him to teach Legolas these sort of matters. 

And on they trotted. Trotting on to good ol' Moria Mines. After getting chased by wolves, that is. And oogedy boogedy stuff…but eventually they were at the gate and Gandalf was horse whispering with Bill the pony, while Sam, cute dear little Sam, sniffled sadly and patted him goodbye. 

Yadda yadda yadda, they were inside spooky orcie dark Moria and in the dark walking for hours. Luthien accidentally bumped into Legolas quite a lot. It was rather dark in the dark there. 

Elanor wished awfully she had brought her little torch with her, as Gandalf's stick thing didn't actually give off all that much light, and the thought of scary, scary goblins creeping up on them did, needless to say, freak her out a little. She wondered if it was possible to be killed in a book…at least the orcs and goblins really sucked at shooting. That was somewhat of a relief. All the same, she grabbed Luthien's hand, and held it, whimpering. 

Luthien felt a hand on her own and for a split second hoped it was Legolas. But no. 

'I'm scared,' whimpered the hands owner. 

'Don't worry,' she reassured her. 'Just as long as we stick together, we'll be fine, I promise.' 

Legolas glanced over at them and smiled. Luthien happily observed this and noted to herself to be more kind to Elanor, for Legolas seemed to like that in a gentle elf maiden. 

The days they spent there were very cold, gloomy and uncomfortable. The only thing that kept Elanor and Luthien going was the knowledge that they were close in the dark with their loves. Legolas is all the light I need, Luthien told herself over and over again when she heard orc footsteps close by. The Mines of Moria were awfully scary and sometimes they would walk along steep paths, on one (or both which was worse) side there being a steep, seemingly endless drop into blackness. 

Heights, Elanor reflected shivering, were bad. 

The fellowship plus two walked along, all of them quite quiet and depressed. All but Luthien, that is. She was ambling cheerfully behind Legolas, planning their wedding day with great detail. It kept her mind occupied for several hours. 

They reached a large gap in the path, at least seven feet wide. Legolas nimbly leapt across to the other side, as if it were just a happy old walk in the woods. Luthien, very enthusiastically, followed suit, and grinned back at her friend feeling very pleased with herself. 

The others followed, not quite as elfy or happy about the fact that they might fall into blackness, but jump they did, until only Pippin and Elanor were left on the other side. 

Elanor gulped. 

'Come on, Elanor,' Luthien said, after a few moments passed.

'It's all right for you,' she called back. 'Your legs are twice the length of mine.'

'Frodo made it,' she answered smugly.

'Yeah well he's super hobbit, isn't he?' Elanor glanced at Pippin, who was standing silently next to her, his lovely little face pale. She took his hand, just for the moment feeling sorry for him. Then of course she realized she was holding his hand, and felt quite a bit happier

She also felt quite a bit lovesick.

Pippin took a deep breath, and whispered to Elanor 'well, I suppose we had better jump then?'

After she had recovered from a brief dizzy spell (he had whispered in her ear, you see), she nodded, trying to look brave. 'After you,' she said politely, and after an internal struggle she released his hand from her own grasp.

Pippin leapt across the gap in cute lovely hobbit style, leaving Elanor all on her own.

She whimpered.

'I'll give you toe socks when we get home,' Luthien called over, trying to coax her.

Elanor shook her head frantically.

'And endless supplies of mud-cake!'

Elanor seemed to be considering this offer. 'No…I think I'll just stay here. But thankyou all the same. It's been nice knowing you all. I'm sorry we won't have the chance to get married, my love.'

The fellowship stared at her, and Luthien, now impatient, said 'iamondDae of ongLae eeveClae…' in pig-latin so as to confuse the hobbits from knowing whom she was talking about. 

Elanor made a strange grunting sound, and a few seconds later she was standing on the other side of the gap. 'Well,' she said brightly. 'That wasn't too hard, was it?'

Luthien rolled her eyes.

After that the path became more dangerous, and Luthien could no longer plan what flowers she would have in her bouquet, as every time she was pondering over which one was better, roses or daisies, she would trip on a rock and almost die and then she'd have to start all over again, once she'd recovered from the shock of a near death experience, that is. 

'What d'you think is better, roses or daisies?' She whispered to Elanor, when the two of them were standing at the back of the line, the others caught up in their own thoughts.

'Daisies are nice,' Elanor said thoughtfully. 'But roses smell really nice and you can have lots of different colours. I personally think you should have Elanor flowers at your wedding. Now that would be excellent and marvellous, not to mention altogether beautiful. Almost as beautiful as me,' she said after a moments reflection.

'Ooh! Violets!' Luthien said excitedly and rather loudly, causing Gandalf to cover her mouth with his hand. She resisted the urge to bite it and whispered 'Sorry, Gandalf,' and turning to the rest of the startled fellowship, said, 'my apologies, good companions.'

'My apologies, good companions,' Elanor mimicked, snickering. 

Luthien stuck out her tongue when they'd begun to trot off again.

And they continued on until they got to the really wide arch opening into 3 passages where Gandalf ponders which passage to take.

FINALLY – a million hours later- Merry and Pippin nearly die when they bustle through the stone door to the left, leading on to the chamber with the big hole in the floor (which is what they would have fallen through and died by). But they don't because that would not be good. Instead, they got a righ' talkin' to by Gandalf, and then the fellowship and Luthien and Elanor began to unroll their pillows and blankets. 

Luthien almost knocked Boromir into the old well-which-was-now-an-inconvieniently-placed-hole-in-the-middle-of-the-floor when he dared to take her place beside Legolas. Her elven hottie once again saved the day and grabbed Boromir before he _did_ fall.

'How clumsy of me!' Luthien pretended to be embarrassed -which she was anyway, so she did a good job of it, 'Forgive me, Boromir, my foot tripped on a stray rock-' she gestured to a spot which unfortunately did not have a stray rock so she quickly added, 'but it has fallen into the deep now. I could have caused us all much grief a moment ago. Words cannot express my sorrow and shame for that near-incident,' she bowed her head and tried to ignore Elanor as she laughed silently, overbalanced and nearly fell into that darn hole.

'It is forgotten,' Boromir said kindly, and he courteously kissed her hand.

Luthien burst out crying – Boromir was going to -to **die **– and the fellowship stared at her in alarm. Gandalf sat her down on some pillows and looked into her eyes. After a moment he said to her quietly, 'you have been gifted with foresight, Luthien, though now it may seem more of a burden than a gift, use it as an advantage. We must remain strong, our minds should not be clouded by doubt and foreboding,' he added in that stern sort of voice he says stuff in sometimes. Luthien (playing along) bowed her head and nodded and suddenly he smiled, 'you have a stout heart and a strong will –you represent the she-elves in our company and for that you will forever be remembered and revered.'

Luthien raised her head and smiled, 'Thankyou,' she said and stopped herself from adding 'but I'm sure I'll be just as revered and remembered as the Beautiful Princess of Mirkwood with the Hottest Elfie-prince that ever did kick orc-ass in Middle Earth'.

Elanor was about to brood as she observed all the attention and complements Luthien was receiving, when suddenly she realized her own love would be chucking a stone into the hole right about this time. She glanced over at him and sure enough, whilst everyone else settled down into their beds, he slowly made his way towards it and was overcome by the urge to drop in a stone. 

Elanor understood completely. She, too, liked to hear that satisfying plink of the stone at the end of its long drop. Luthien called it "That Plinky Satisfaction of Plinktom", but Luthien was busy setting up her bed as close to Legolas' as was possible without actually being in his bed – though that was not a bad idea. Perhaps she could run it past him, Elanor thought evilly, but immediately snapped out of evil-mode and went back to feeling sorry for Pippin, as he was currently being reprimanded by Gandalf and soon would be punished to be on first watch. 'I would watch too but I am **ever** so sleepy,' she muttered to herself and yawned to prove it.

Then they heard the hammers and their tom-tapping and it really was quite frightening. 'It's sounded as if it were a code,' Luthien whispered, feeling intelligent.

She could just make out Legolas as he sat up beside her, straight and alert, listening intently. Ahh, he was so dreamy…and slowly, very slowly, she began to fall asleep, staring at the cavernous roof high above her, thinking about how close she was to a certain Silvan elf. A certain hot Silvan elf. A certain hot Silvan elf prince. A certain hot Silvan elf prince who was the embodiment of all things…hot. Yes, very soon, by the light of the moon, hopefully in Gondor, maybe in the woods -haven't quite figured that out yet…we _are _children of the wild though…ooh, perhaps up a tree…hmm, a little unorthodox but…he _is _a tree elf.

Ahem. And so on.

Meanwhile, Elanor managed to stay awake long enough to see Pippin miserably seated by the door, frightened of the hole. Looking lovely, naturally.


	13. ho ho ho and a bottle of rum... yeah.

Barely **six**-freaking-hours later cheery old Gandalf woke them all up and told them he had chosen the passage leading to the right. 'Well, that sounds _spiffing_ Gandalf, taa very much,' Luthien muttered darkly to Elanor as they walked for nearly **8 hours** in the dark with a mere **two** halts, 'Let's just set on up the good ol' righty… for it is so _fast _and _old _and_ oh my, the air is sweet!'_

They were oh so tired by the time they got to the huge empty hall. Although, Luthien definitely perked up at the thought of another night of sleeping beside her husband-to-be-except-that-he-didn't-know-it-yet-which-is-only-a-minor-detail, and practically skipped to the corner they would huddle up in (as 'twas a wee bit chilly), and she and Elanor and most of the company fell asleep to the rantings of _mithril_, complements of Gandalf and Gimli.

Luthien was _delighted_ to find the sun falling on her face from a shaft high up when she awoke next morning. She had planned on gazing at her All for as long as possible whilst he slept…but her plans were foiled. Luthien had _just_ silently risen from her bed when Legolas stirred and his eyes came into focus. He smiled at her and her anger drifted away. He had a killer smile.

She smiled back at him.

She, too, had a smile of killerness.

Then bloody Gimli woke up and wrecked the moment.

Bloody dwarves.

'At last!' he cried with a chuckle, waking everyone up except Frodo, 'Finally She has found her way into the great dwarf city once more!'

'Long I have missed Her, though we have been in the darkness only two days,' Luthien said smiling up at the pale gleam of light, 'my heart rejoices for her happy light.'

Then Legolas said something beautiful and dreamy and smoochable and oh-so-hot… and the hobbits said something about food…but that didn't matter – Luthien could survive off Legolas' words if she wanted too (though sausages _were_ an appealing thought) and now that she could see his **face**…happyhappyjoyjoy! Why, Legolas Greenleaf was even more beautiful than she remembered him and had been happily imagining him in the dark.

Elanor noted how sad it was when Gimli doubted Balin had ever come there, poor old Gims. But she comforted herself in the breakfast that was hastily disappearing from the pans. Whatever happened to chivalry, eh? The phrase, "Ladies first" mustn't have been invented yet, she reflected. Oh well, at least I have my Pippin and food. That's all a hobbit lass could want. _Bloody Diamond_…she thought bitterly, _he's all mine! My love, my all… my preciousss._

'Elanor?'

She looked up at her friend's bemused face. 'Oui?'

'Erm, well…you can stop doingthat automatic robot thing you're doing now.'

Elanor pulled a 'you're hurting my brain with your confusingness' face and so Luthien explained patiently, 'you know, the possessive thing you do when you get around food and your hand goes up to mouth, down to food, up to mouth, down to food – without any time to swallow or, I don't know, give anyone else a chance to eat.' Luthien's face was quite calm with elfish control but she'd said this last part very dangerously.

Elanor got the hint. She sat back and let the others have food and eyed their meals enviously. 

Off to the north door under the northern arch they went. They found themselves in a wide corridor and saw light coming through a doorway to the right.

'This is it,' Luthien whispered to Elanor. 

Elanor gulped in reply. 

Luthien continued, 'Soon I shall see my Silvan Prince kick some orcievonschmorkular buttocks!'

Elanor stared up at her and blinked.

'Oh,' Luthien remembered the danger that approached, 'yeah. Gulp.'

They entered the chamber. It was oh-so bright for their precious night-vision eyes. No one seemed to have noticed there were many things of deadness in the room because it was so dusty. 'Sky…' Luthien said, looking up.

"Bodies…' Elanor reminded her in the same awed voice.

And then they discovered Balin's tomb. There was a moments silence in which everyone felt very sorry for Gimli and his cousin Balin. Then they began to look through the wreck and the book of records was discovered. Gandalf read out the very encouraging words in the final entry (I.e. _we cannot get out…drums in the deep…they are coming_.). Elanor shivered.

Everyone was suddenly very afraid, and, just as they were about to mosey on back to the hall, a booming great BOOM went…boom.

'Shit!' Luthien squeaked. No one noticed though, they all sprang towards the door in alarm, while a stupid great horn was blown somewhere in the hall, answered by more horn blasts and harsh cries.

Elanor cowered behind her tall elf friend as they heard the orcs running towards the place they were now situated in. Quite the pickle.

'They are coming!' cried Legolas.

'We cannot get out,' said Gimli.

'My socks!' wailed Elanor. She had just remembered that Gandalf had been carrying them in his pack, as hers was full and that she needed to rescue them before he…you know, ellfae into arknessdae.

Everyone drew their weapons and Gandalf unsuccessfully tried to trick the goblins into believing that he was Lord of Moria. They could hear heavy feet thundering down the corridor and good old Borors (Boromir) threw himself against the open door, heaved it to and wedged it with swords and stuff while the rest of the company plus two rushed to the other side of the chamber in retreat.

When the goblins and co. rudely burst in and attempted to kill everyone, the fellowship fought back phenomenally and even Elanor and Luthien got in on the act. That seemed to surprise the little buggas a lot.

When they'd spotted the pretty little hobbit and beautiful she-elf they decided they'd keep them and that would be the end of that. They weren't counting on this hobbit and elf to have seen and studied many Xena reruns –actually they wouldn't really be in the know about good old Warrior Princess- but aside from that, they were quite the naïve uglies. Picking up on the must-capture-pretty-maidens thing, the two frightened friends disturbingly flirted and beckoned the orcs to them and then…beat the crap out of them. Well, actually, Elanor kind of hacked at them with her eyes closed while Luthien got in touch with her deadly-elf killing-machine side. Ok, so she hadn't quite mastered the bow yet, she told herself, chucking the useless thing aside and grabbing a scimitar, _and lets continue with the killing, shall we?_ Having just gruesomely slain an orc who'd cut her dress with his stupid spear as he'd lunged at her, Luthien finally caught sight of her elf warrior.

She was as gobsmacked as an elf could be and stared at her All as he skilfully excellently swiftly and deadly shot at the orcs, before her little friend snapped her out of it and pulled her behind Balin's tomb -just as an orc arrow whistled through the air and hit the wall where Luthien had been standing a second before. 'I don't think they like us anymore,' Elanor said to her pal in mock-sadness. 

Amidst her shock and fear Luthien noted with a flutter of her heart that Legolas shot the orc who had fired at her. Sure, he was shooting _a lot_ of orcs, but he had shot that orc because it had dared to attempt to kill the really hot elf maiden who he wanted to marry and make queen of Mirkwood and-

Luthien thoughts were again interrupted as Aragorn awesomely beheaded an orc who'd been creeping up on them and told her to make for the stairs. She nodded but when she and Elanor attempted to **head** for the door, they found their way somewhat blocked by a ugly huge orc-chieftain who dodged the company's defence and speared Frodo. Ugly bastard. 

All was well though, coz Aragorn cut his head off good, and all the orcs wussed out and ran off.

Aragorn ran off with Frodo in his arms and Merry and Pippin and the rest of them followed (Legolas had to drag poor old Gimli away -such a champ) while Luthien and Elanor hobbled after them, eager to get away from the on-coming danger.

Boromir heaved the eastern door to, the second Luthien and Elanor dashed inside, but it unfortunately could not be fastened.

Then everyone realised happily that Frodo was alive. The clue to this was that he spoke to them and told them he was alive.

Gandalf told them all to bugger off though and so they begrudgingly swept down the steps into darkness. 

Elanor wondered to herself when the wizard would be flying down the stairs to meet them any time soon. An awesome stab of white light at the top of the stair told her it was now.

Gandalf lead them on and on in the dark and it was scary and depressing because they all felt trapped and there was no light and the leader had almost been destroyed. 

Luthien could hear Frodo's heavy breathing next to her and felt sorry for the short sweet little strong-willed hobbit. After an hour of running and jogging and dillydallying, they began to feel that there was a good chance of escape.

And then it got hot and Gandalf needed a rest. Poor old guy, he was helped to a seat by Gimli and told them what had happened at the top of the stairs. Luthien wanted to hug him. Nooooooooo! He couldn't fall into darkness! He just couldn't! She had to remind herself that he would be returning as Mr. The White so it was all for the best.

Mean while, Elanor was thankful for the rest. She flopped down beside the other hobbits and massaged her feet, while doing so she hoped Pippin would notice how very lovely they were.

And then they were off.

Finally they were able to see because the orcs appeared to have lit a great fire, which flickered and glowed on the walls away down the passage before them. Luthien snuck a look at Legolas. He had his sharp eyes narrowed as he peered about the place for signs of the enemy. Such a champ. They came to a low archway, under which Gandalf went, before he quickly stepped back and told them they had reached the First Deep.

They sped across the smooth floor of the hall, Elanor squealing when she heard the many feet hurrying behind and shrill calls. Boromir found it quite amusing though. Stupid orcs, they were on the wrong side, their dumb plan hadn't worked: the fire had cut them off from the fellowship, not captured them.

They had reached the bridge and this was the part where Gandalf halted and told Gimli to lead the way. Luthien and Elanor seemed to have made a silent agreement and were just about to insist against this when many arrows whistled through the air and crappily hit the floor because orcs suck.

Legolas turned and set an arrow to his bow – this was it! This was the part Luthien had been waiting for since they'd flown down those stupid dark steps. She wanted to see her elf in action. Sadly, just as she was about to hum the Action Man tune as his theme song, his hand fell and the arrow slipped to the ground. He cried out in dismay and fear. He'd spotted the Balrog. 'Ai! ai!' he wailed, 'A Balrog! A Balrog is come!'

The enemy was advancing on the company ferociously.

Luthien cried something in elvish and found herself rooted to the spot in fear.

Elanor reacted in pretty much the same way, minus the elf-talk.

Boromir blew his horn (no pun intended) but the orcs and shadow-man halted only for a second before rushing ever closer. 

Gandalf yelled at them to run, and, by golly, they did. But they couldn't leave him standing alone (Aragorn and Boromir held their ground behind Gandalf at the end of the bridge) and so halted just within the doorway at the hall's end.

Elanor covered her eyes and whimpered as the Balrog towered before their Istari, and Luthien flinched as a ringing clash sounded from the swing of their swords.

Then, as the two Gumby and Pokey impersonators had read with much grief and dismay many times before, Boromir and Aragorn tried in vain to fight along side Gandalf but he smote the bridge with his staff and then –then- he cried out, 'Fly, you fools!' and fell from sight.

It all went dark and no one moved. All they could do was stare into the pit in horror. Aragorn and Boromir came flying back and Aragorn lead the stumbling group up the great stairs beyond the door. They ran along a wide echoing passage weeping, absently aware of the drumbeats rolling behind them. They kept running as the light of the sun grew before them, into a hall and through its huge broken doors they swiftly fled. As they reached the Great Gates a guard of orcs tried to block their way but Aragorn killed their captain swiftly and the rest of them ran away, whilst the fellowship ignored them and swept out of the Gates and down the huge old steps.

****

Finally they were under the sky and could feel the wind on their faces at last. **Finally** Luthien could check herself in the mirror. Hopefully elfieboy would be too traumatised to notice the dirt. 

At last they were in Dimril Dale and their grief overcame them.

Everyone was incomplete shock and despair, for Gandalf the Grey had fallen into darkness and they were unaware that he would be coming back…well everyone except for Elanor and Luthien. They weren't despairing about a little thing like The Best Istari Ever falling into Balrog Land. They were sad however. Everyone else was sad and that always makes a person sad (unless they're a sociopath) and also their **loves **were sad so, _obviously_, they were not jumping for joy and singing 'In Dreams' at the tops of their voices.

Luthien was particularly upset when she eventually noticed the very large cut in her dress (courtesy of the orc) and stroked her grey travelling dress maudlinly.

Elanor looked over at her and was temporarily cheered up – the cut ran all the way up to her thigh. Then, she remembered the forever-lost toe-socks and began to sob again.

Not happy times, my friends, happy times these were not. No indeedly.

Frodo stood alone and silent, as did all the warriors of the company, the rest of the hobbits were cast upon the ground in grief.

Eventually Aragorn decided they should head off because of the gathering angry swarms of orcs factor, and he called upon Legolas and Boromir to help the grief-stricken companions to their feet.

Luthien contemplated whether she should be the brave strong elf maiden or be too shocked by the circumstances to move. In the **movie** Legolas held Merry's hand when he attempted to carry out Aragorn's order because Merry had been too traumatised and both of them were out of it, so... 

Her Prince came over to her. She _so_ wanted him to propose. Right then and there. At least it would cheer everyone up… but no.

Alas, she had made up her mind. _Sad traumatised elf it is_, she said internally. A single tear rolled down her cheek (the cheek that faced Legolas) and she continued to absently stare down at her dress. He seemed to buy this and sat down beside her. In her excitement Luthien almost squealed with delight at his gesture, luckily, she remembered in time and so winked at Elanor. She was truly a much better winker than her hobbit pal. 

'Luthien, we must move on. I know that your heart is filled with much sorrow and the grief is still too near for myself to console you, (-_there is no grief too near, no Istari too fallen_- she thought to herself defiantly) but we must now travel in great haste lest we hinder here and be captured.'

'You speak truly. I find it difficult to calm my mind just now, after all that has happened, but we shall carry on as you say, as our time for grievance is short in this place.'

Legolas nodded his head understandingly, his face kind, though full of hidden sadness. Luthien wished desperately to give him a great big cuddly bear hug.

But that might not go down well with elves. She hadn't tried it before. 

Nearby Elanor was still grief-stricken over the loss of her beloved stripy toe socks. She sniffled, wiping her nose with the apron on her hobbit dress, and cuddled up miserably to Pippin. He made a strange gurgle noise.

Elanor gurgled back, and felt somewhat more content. But why oh why oh why did she have to lose those socks? She had loved them almost as much as she loved her love! Although, she thought, peeking a little glance at Pippin, who was still weeping, he was SO lovely and even toe socks could not match his loveliness.

'They were green and blue,' she hiccupped. 

Pippin just sighed, as one does sadly after they cry, and he sat up rubbing his eyes.

'And then there were the pink and orange ones,' she continued miserably. 

Pippin blinked.

'They just fitted so perfectly, you know? It was as though they were made for me, and for only me-' she realised suddenly that Pippin was staring at her in a peculiar manner. 'And poor Gandalf. Gee, I'm going to miss him.'

The fellowship began climbing over the rocks away from the Mines of Moria, on their way to Lothlorien, where Galadriel aka Cate Blanchett would be awaiting them. Except, of course, not really. 

As they walked Gimli crapped on and on and on about stuff (mainly crap), all of them in a somewhat sombre mood. They had no Gandalf to guide them or point his stick at things. They were all going to miss that stick.

Ahead of them, in the distance, a haze of gold was visible. Legolas mentioned something about the woods of Lothlorien, and spoke of the golden leaves there and tra la la, what a pretty elf place. 

Luthien felt excitement stirring inside her. A whole winter in the woods with her elf. Certainly plenty of time for them to become properly acquainted. Perhaps…her mind wandered, the subject varying between moonlight rendezvousing, candlelit suppers, and sweet passion fruits. 

Elanor thought wistfully of food. 

After some time (time which was filled with endless walking) Legolas turned around ('ahhh,' thought Luthien) and realised that Sam, Frodo and Elanor were far behind the others, trundling along at a much slower pace. Frodo and Sam had been injured while back in Moria; Elanor was over-hungry. Aragorn and Boromir, lovely guys, picked up the two male hobbits and carried them. Luthien came over to Elanor, who looked up at her elf friend forlornly and muttered something about breakfast and patty-cakes. 

'You had more breakfast than anyone else here,' Luthien said sternly. 'You should be up there, prancing about with Legolas. Except, of course, that I should be up there with him, seeing as he is my love and all. And you wouldn't prance as nicely as him either. But in any case, you most certainly should not be back here, acting like you haven't had a meal in weeks and need a piggy back.'

Elanor's eyes widened and she continued to gaze at Luthien sadly. 

'No.' Luthien said crossly. 'I too am hungry. I saw you take that extra piece of bread this morning when you thought I wasn't looking.'

Elanor looked a little disappointed.

'So in actual fact it should be _you_ carrying _me_.'

Elanor blinked.

'Come along then. Let me get on your back.'

'Nooooo…you will squash me. I am only a wee little hobbit and my poor (little) hobbit back wouldn't be able to take the strain.'

'You stole my bread.'

'I have a larger appetite!'

"Fine. This is stupid. We shall both have to walk. No one on anybody else's back.' Suddenly, Luthien was struck with a thought, 'Actually, I should be on _Legolas_' back. Hmmm…that would be the bestest piggy back ride in the world! Now, I remember the time I swooned-'

'Fake swooned,' Elanor interjected, rolling her eyes.

'-in Rivendell and MY LOVELY ELFIE BOY carried me!' she continued, sighing happily, 'He carried me.'

It stuck them then that everyone was waiting for them to catch up. 'Oh yeah. Right.' Luthien said and they jogged over to the waiting and depressed company.

They soon came to somewhere they could rest beside a stream and Gimli and Merry and Pippin went to fetch water and made a fire while Aragorn tended to Frodo and Sam. Luthien and Legolas wandered to the water's edge and looked out to where the woods of Lothlorien lay. 

Luthien really wanted to say 'oh, isn't it pretty? I've always wanted to come here and see all the lovely golden leaves.' 

This would have been a perfectly acceptable thing to say and an excellent conversation starter. Instead, however, she said 'oooh…nice…' in an awestruck voice. 'My GOD!' She thought to herself miserably. 'Why? Why must I talk so not smartly when my dear is here?'

'It is a beautiful place,' Legolas commented. 

'Yes.'

Elanor wandered over. 'Oh! Isn't it pretty? I've always wanted to come here and see all the lovely golden leaves.'

'Exactly,' Luthien said through gritted teeth, wishing she had said that. Legolas smiled down at Elanor, and Luthien scowled inwardly. He should have been smiling down at _her_. She had to do something. And fast, before Elanor could say something else and completely spoil the moment.

'An elven maid there was of old,

A shining star by day:

Her mantle white was hemmed with gold,

Her shoes of silver-grey.

A star was bound upon her brows,

A light was on her hair

As sun upon the golden boughs

In Lorien the fair.'

Luthien finished her song and felt quite proud of herself for remembering that much. She waited (not very patiently) for Legolas' praise.

Elanor clapped delightedly. 'Ooh, well done! I said if you practised enough you might remember a little bit!'

Luthien continued to smile, but her foot found its way to where Elanor's bare hairy hobbit foot was placed, and squashed it rather forcefully down.

Elanor squeaked, pulled her foot away, and mumbled something about food. She scampered off. 

'There is more,' Luthien said quietly, maintaining her composure. 'But it is very long and sad. Elanor (_is an idiot and I am going to KILL her_) likes to tease, for she herself cannot recite poetry.'

'That is a pity,' Legolas said. Elves do, after all, love poetry. 

'Yes.' _But back to me and my talent…._

'I too know of that song. I wish to sing a little of it later when we come to rest beside where the bridge of Nimrodel once stood.'

'Perhaps I could accompany you?' Luthien asked hopefully. 

'That would be most pleasant.'

Elanor, who was hiding in the bushes watching, muttered 'oh…yuck…pleasant I think not.'

Aragorn called everyone to him to share the wonders of Frodo's mithril. Luthien and Legolas started off, while Elanor attempted to climb out of her little hidey-hole. As Aragorn said many Aragorny things, Elanor continued to try and get out of her very little hobbit hole, which was made up of some rather prickly plants that had caught on her poor dress.

Luthien realised, when Aragorn had finished, that Elanor was nowhere to be seen. This was most unusual, considering that Pippin was nearby and it was almost time for a snack. She frowned thoughtfully, and strained her ears for some sound of Elanor. A growl of the stomach would be sufficient for her elf ears, which were ultra sensitive to noise.

Near where she and Legolas had been talking she heard a loud squeak of pain. She walked over curiously and peered into a thick clump of bushes.

Elanor stared out at her. 'I'm stuck,' she said unnecessarily. 

Luthien sighed. 'How are you going to cope when you go off with Merry and Pippin and I am not with you? Hmm?' She grasped Elanor's hand and dragged her out. 'No more hiding in bushes.'

'Yes master.'

'Come, come, we're eating now.'

Elanor perked up and dashed away eagerly. 

Once the company had satisfied their hunger (all, except, maybe, Elanor) they went to hiding the traces of their fire and climbing out of the dell. 

They walked along the road in the dark, Gimli and Frodo at the rear, walking slowly, whilst Aragorn lead the others on.

Luthien looked about to see where Legolas was, but sadly, he was walking up at the front of the fellowship, and was far too caught up in thoughts of Lothlorien to be thinking about marrying her. She turned to Elanor, who was walking alongside her. 'You know, our wedding is going to be really, really beautiful.'

'I was unaware we were getting married,' Elanor said.

'Erk! No! Legolas and I, you dim-witted hobbit,' Luthien whispered disgustedly. Not disgustedly about Legolas though. 

'Shame. I mean…no…tired.'

'Moving on. I decided that we're going to have violets, and I am going to wear the absolute most fantasmorical dress you ever did see.'

'A hobbit dress!' Elanor exclaimed enthusiastically.

'A lovely, silken elf dress,' Luthien continued dreamily as though her friend had not spoken. 'Of a creamy white colour, with blue trimmings. Kind of shiny and shimmery, with a watery, liquidy feel to it. Like Harry's invisibility cloak.'

'But…then people won't be able to see you,' Elanor said slowly.

Luthien could not be bothered even answering this. 'Oh! Garck! We don't have our Harry Potter books!'

'Anus Potter and the Philosopher's Anus,' Elanor snickered.

'Wuthering Anus,' Luthien sniggered. 'But oh! What will we do if the fifth book comes out while we're HERE?'

Elanor stared helplessly at her. 

'No. Must think of Legolas. I have my love, what more could I want?'

'Harry,' Elanor said sadly.

'Shut up. We are being appreciative of what we have.'

'Tralala,' Elanor said obeyingly.

'Lothorien!' cried Legolas, 'Lothlorien! We have come to the eaves of the Golden Wood. Alas that it is winter!'

'Yay!' squealed Elanor.

'Be it winter or nay, my heart is glad to come to this place at last, and speak with the Lady of Lorien.' Luthien said happily, she really didn't care about meeting Galadriel, all she wanted was to cuddle up with Mr. Greenleaf in the on-coming winter nights.

Now, it is time for you to review. *makes orc face*

Come along, minions! Chop chop! 


	14. hi lothlorien how are you today?

After much ado the company set off into the forest. They had gone on a little more than a mile when they came upon another stream.

This was a very good stream.

'Here is Nimrodel!' Said Legolas. Even though it was obvious, it was still a good thing to say. Luthien sighed romantically. Elanor sniggered.

'I will bathe my feet, for it is said that the water is healing to the wary.'

'And hoooooot to the hot.' Luthien said, nodding to herself. 'Should I ask him if he fancies a bit of skinny-dipping?'

Elanor wrinkled her nose.

Legolas bounced in. 'Follow me,' he cried, 'the water is not deep. Let us wade across- on the further bank we can rest and the sound of the falling water may bring us sleep and forgetfulness of grief.'

Luthien jumped in after him and splashed about happily. Then they played a splashy game and snogged for hours. Legolas and Luthien splashed about until moonlight streamed through the trees and ohh many a passionfruit…

Elanor stared at Luthien, who was standing ankle deep in the water with a very dreamy expression on her face, her eyes glazed. 'Luthien?'

Luthien jumped. '…er…where is hottielfofbows?'

Elanor pointed. 'Where he was just a few seconds ago.'

'But- but- passionfruit?'

Elanor patted her arm sympathetically. 'Poor, poor delusional elf. I'm afraid 'twas all a dream.'

Luthien pouted but quickly swished through the stream to where her love was getting out.

After getting nice and wet and cheerful again, they sat and munched on food for a few wee hours and then, to Luthien's most joyful joy, Legolas told them many a story. Luthien didn't hear much of the story telling, as she was too dazed to take in what he said, and only heard a strange murmur in her ears that was his lovely voice. She heard him saying what he was saying, but did not take in a single word.

Then Legolas sang. Luthien did not stir, but continued to stare at him with love, completely hypnotised. When his voice faltered she snapped out of it suddenly.

'I cannot sing any more,' he said, and then yakked on for a bit longer. Luthien did not care what he yakked on about, as long as it was him doing the yakking.

They turned off the path and went into the shadow of a deeper wood. Elanor shivered. Spiders. Erlack.

'I will climb up,' said Legolas, when they came to some very large trees, clustered together. 'I am at home among trees by root or bough. Though these trees are of a kind strange to me, save as a name in song. Mellyrn, they are called.'

'I am at home wherever you are at home, my love,' Luthien whispered. Elanor kicked her in the shin.

'Whatever it may be, they will be marvellous trees indeed if they can offer any rest at night, except to birds. I cannot sleep on a perch!'

'I can.' Elanor said proudly.

'Then dig a hole in the ground,' said Legolas.

'Ew. Dirty,' Elanor said.

'Yeah, Elanor, dig a hole in the ground. But you had better make it deep, what with the orcs patrolling and all. Yes, Worm Girl I shall call you. Simplest-minded Hobbit by day, worm bed-buddy by night. Yep. I'll go up with Legolas. You stay down here and sleep with the worms…and snails…ooh and slugs-'

'Oi! I refuse to sleep in a hole! I am sleeping in that tree.' She tried to wrap her arms around the trunk and climb up, but failed miserably and slid back to the ground.

Luthien snickered. The action looked very sad.

Legolas sprang lightly up from the ground and a caught a branch, but he had only been swinging (mucho-ly) for a moment when a voice suddenly said 'Daro.' It came from somewhere above them.

Luthien was indignant. She had very much enjoyed watching her elf swing above her, though it did make her feel rather dizzy.

Legolas jumped back to the earth in surprise and fear.

'Luthien, Legolas is scared. Comfort him.' Elanor grinned wickedly to herself.

Legolas told them to shut up, which disappointed a certain elf, who had been about to cuddle him in a rather suffocating bear hug.

Above them someone laughed and proceeded to speak elvish. But it was elvish they did not understand, though some of them wouldn't have understood it anyway, so therefore it doesn't really matter. Legolas knew, however, and looked up and answered in the same language.

Luthien wished she knew what he was saying. He sounded really hot.

Then Legolas and Frodo climbed up the tree at the elves bidding.

Luthien flicked back her hood and shook out her long hair; trying to make it really obvious she was an elf too. They did not seem to notice her efforts, but when a ladder was let down and Sam scampered up it, Luthien followed hastily.

When she reached the top, Legolas was sitting with the other elves, while one had come forward to inspect them with his lamp. Luthien looked longingly at Legolas, but stayed put.

The elf welcomed them in Elvish, and Frodo answered haltingly in return, for he was a clever hobbit, as we all well know.

'Welcome,' they said in the common tongue. They didn't talk much because elves aren't really talky talky. The elf was Haldir and his brothers were Rumil and Orophin. Luthien went and sat with them and made a mental note to herself- if Legolas for some reason ever disappeared, she would make her way back here and become friendly with these elfy boys.

They were very lovely.

And spunky.

At the end of their little meeting, Legolas and Luthien climbed back down and sent the hobbits up the tree, before going off to their own tree with Aragorn and Gimli and Boromir. Luthien scowled at Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir behind their backs. She tried to do the talky thing like in Life is Beautiful, with the wavy hands. 'You will go away,' she whispered. 'Go awaaaaay…'

Legolas raised his perfect eyebrows at her, but said nothing. She dropped her hands and hummed quietly to herself, though not before shooting several dirty looks at the other three- oh, if only they would suddenly come down with a temporary infectious disease so that she could spend the night ALONE with her Love.

If only, she thought sadly.

When they got to the top they all chose a place and unrolled their blankets etc. There was another elf up there on the talan and he told them to help themselves to drinks before engaging Luthien in a slow conversation - slow because most of the time they couldn't understand what the other was saying. But never the less it was good for Legolas soon joined them and it was a merry old talk. Except it wasn't really that was just Luthien, they were actually discussing serious things in low voices. Then the other temporary inhabitants of the tree began to join in and Luthien decided to get under her blanket. She began to drift off to the sound of her prince's voice yet was wide-awake with excitement _at the same time_. For a fleeting moment the idea crossed Luthien's mind that perhaps she could get an army of orcs to rush past under the tree and stay there with her hot one while he others ran down to fight. But no.

Elanor stared about at her surroundings contentedly. She liked trees. The other hobbits didn't seem very comfortable about sleeping such a high way off the ground.

Pippin whined for a little while about not wanting to fall off, and Elanor nodded agreeably.

Sam was the first to fall asleep, snoring his sweet little head off, but none of the others could sleep. Elanor could have fallen asleep, if she had chosen to, but preferred to sit silently staring at her love with blurry eyes. Finally she dozed off, thinking about apples and wedding cake.

In Luthien's tree, just as Luthien was sneakily trying to crawl closer to Legolas, they heard the sound of orcs stampeding below them. 'Yrch!' all the elves in the tree hissed simultaneously. Gimli sat bolt upright and attempted to axe his blanket, which had fallen over his head in a desperate attempt to defend himself under 'attack'. Poor old Gimli, Luthien thought sadly, he must be really worn out from the Moria thing. Gone Bonkers.

The elf in their tree slipped out and joined his brothers to trick the orcs. Luthien really wanted to go but Aragorn stopped her. 'There are too many for our small company to take on alone, Luthien. Stout-hearted as you are, I cannot permit a maiden to fight alongside the elves of Lothlorien.'

Luthien was about to retaliate with a 'who made you king of Middle Earth' retort but then her brain set in. 'Oh... Yeah…' she giggled.

It was very, very cold the next morning, and the company set out with Haldir and Rumil. Legolas was quite miserable to be leaving behind his darling Nimrodel- Luthien had never seen anyone quite so attached to a stream, and look quite so hot being sad about it. In the ground they could see prints of orc feet- a rather horrible sight, and they were all pissed off about it. 

Haldir showed them how to cross the stream Celebrant- by running along a rope tied to the tree on one side and the other end tied to a tree on their side of the bank. Legolas went first because he (as he said) was skilled. Luthien, feeling a little huffy about him being so show-offy (and also just wanting to show him that she also was very skilled) ran across after him. That'll learn him, she thought cheerfully to herself. The elf next to Haldir, who had caught the rope, was extremely spunky close up, and Luthien, after giggling a bit, didn't waste time in flirting with him. Actually, the giggling probably can be included in the flirting, especially the little shove Luthien gave the Oh So Funny Giggle-maker in the chest. She noticed out of the corner of her eye the disapproving looks Legolas was throwing them. She also noticed the throw up movements Elanor was providing for her- quite theatrically, really. 

Two more ropes were fastened so everyone else could cross- Pippin, as it turned out, was extremely very and awfully so talented. Sam was terrified, and when he made it to the other side without falling off the rope, breathed a sigh of relief. Luthien hugged him proudly. He blushed a dark shade of pink. 

Elanor was the last to cross. She eyed the rope warily, and was reminded suddenly of camp in year 9. She didn't fall off then. She was not going to fall off now. 

An idea sprung to mind. 

She obviously did not want to fall off, and so, to the wonder (and embarrassment of Luthien) of everyone, wrapped her arms around the bottom rope and started making her way across, crawling in a sloth like fashion upside down. 

'Very coordinated, hobbit girl,' Luthien said, rolling her eyes.

Elanor smiled proudly.

Now that they were all across the stream, they stopped, and it was time for poor old Gimli to be blindfolded. He was, naturally, disgusted at this notion. 

Aragorn decided they should all be blindfolded so as to be fair to Gimmers, Aragorn was a very fair man, and really kind of hot too, but the point is that this made Legolas very snooty. Gimli said he wouldn't mind if only Legolas shared his blindness- this made the snootiness of Legolas even snootier. Super-Snooty, he was by this time. Aragorn said something about the stiff necks of elves (Lucy scowled and whispered to Elanor that her neck was definitely not stiff, nor would it ever be) and stood by his decision. While this disappointed the hobbits and everyone else, Elanor supposed it had saved Gimli being shot by Legolas. 

They were all blindfolded (tres dark) and Haldir started to lead them through Lothlorien, the other elf bringing up the rear. Like cattle. Blind cattle. Elanor mooed experimentally.

They walked all day, and Luthien could feel blisters beginning to pop up on her heels- she knew, she just KNEW that she shouldn't have worn those shoes. They were sparkly and probably not suitable for all day hikes, no matter how slow the hiking was. (Slow.) But, Legolas would be sure to note her lovely feet soon enough, and then…she sighed dreamily, thinking of the passionfruit.

So Luthien spent the main part of the walk day-dreaming, lost in her own happy world- she would have conferred with Elanor, but it was hard to tell exactly who she was talking to and, really, it wouldn't have been dandy if she'd informed Legolas about the wedding. He didn't know about the full arrangements yet and she didn't want to frighten him off. 

Elanor, however, talked to whoever was near, and occasionally to no one at all.

When it came to nightfall, they settled themselves upon the ground, still blindfolded- Legolas was still grumpy about this and complained loudly. Luthien was too miserable about her blisters to comfort him, and instead moaned for a little while to Elanor- when she received no comfort from her friend ('I SAID you shouldn't wear those shoes, you goose') she curled up in a ball and shut up her eyes, even though she didn't have to. Stupid Lothlorien, she thought to herself. Now I'm in a pickle because I want him to see how lovely my shoes are but I don't know if they're dirty now or not and even if they ARE then he can't even SEE them anyway because he's blindfolded and when he DOES see them my feet will be bleeding from these _gosh darn_ blisters and I'll die and then we'll never be able to share in the joys of passionfruit…wait. Not even passionfruit coz that doesn't even exist here and even if it DID, I'd much rather be doing…

And so she went on for a long while until her brain was bored with its own ramblings and switched itself off in annoyance.

The sun rose the next morning as it always did, but none of them were able to see the rising, as they were still blindfolded and stuck in darkness. Legolas pointed this out sourly and Luthien tried to pat his arm, but couldn't find his arm to pat.

She sighed, thinking about the muscle she was missing the opportunity to stroke.

Elanor in turn attempted to comfort Luthien, but realised she was patting Legolas' knee. (She realised when Legolas said 'is someone patting my knee?')

Luthien scowled and attempted to kick Elanor. Frodo yelped.

Sam jumped up to defend his master, and two tell tale thumps signified Pippin and Sam crashing to the ground. 

Haldir, who had gone off for…something, came back and stared about in amazement: many members of the company were now rolling about on the ground, struggling to get up, and one of the smaller hobbits was patting Aragorn's knee. 

He blinked, sighed, helped the more unfortunate companions to their feet, and they continued on their way. 

At noon the company heard the sound of voices all around them, and they realised a host of elves had silently marched and gathered around them. 

To Legolas' extreme delight, they were at last allowed to remove their blindfolds. The first thing Luthien did was stare in rapture at Legolas. The second was to promptly sit down on the ground and inspect her wounded feet- they weren't in great condition, and she let out a loud sniffle. Elanor flopped down next to her and smiled comfortingly. 'Don't worry, dear goose. I'm sure they'll fix themselves up soon enough…' she paused for a moment, as if considering whether or not she should continue. She did. 'I told you so.'

Luthien scowled menacingly.

Around them the rest of the company sat down around the clearing, taking in the surroundings while the elf and hobbit crapped on about silly shoes and knee patting. Luthien was a little jealous she hadn't got to pat Legolas' knee, and Elanor pointed out she hadn't even known who it was, so therefore it didn't really count. 'Besides,' she said cheerfully. 'Aragorn's knee felt exactly the same. Couldn't tell the difference, so you're honestly not missing anything.'

Luthien grumbled and continued tending to her feet.

'OOOOH!!!!'

A loud shriek pierced the ears of everyone within…a large radius.

'It's my FLOWERS!' Elanor squealed. 'They're named after ME!' 

'Or,' said Luthien, still a little grumpy about the knee thing 'you're named after THEM.'

'Same thing,' Elanor said indifferently, and she gazed happily at them for a long period of time.

Everyone stared at them. After a pause, Haldir went off with Frodo and Sam. 

Aragorn thought about Skanky Elf. He was 'wrapped in some fair memory.' Or, Luthien thought 'thinking stupidly about Skankess of Dumbness who would never be as cool as Eowyn no matter how hard she tried.'

After a little rest, the company went on their way further into Lothlorien until it was night. They came to the city of Caras Galadhon, where Celeborn and Galadriel lived. (According to Haldir, who did a nice little speech.) 

They weren't allowed to go in through that entrance so they had to walk along lots of paths and went through a gate and they could hear some pretty singing. The sky was alight with stars. Stars were alighting the sky. Elanor, staring at the alighting-ness, bumped into the back on Legolas' knees, and Luthien threw a tantrum.

A quiet tantrum so as not to disturb everyone else.

'What IS it with you and his knees, eh? If you love his knees SO MUCH, why don't you just ATTACH yourself to them!? Hm?! Or, maybe, you could _go with your own love_.' 

Elanor blinked. 'It was an accident,' she said in a forlorn voice.

'Yes, well. Hurrumph.'

'However I apologise.' 

'Good.' Luthien continued to look huffy for a moment, and then she made an odd quacky noise, and Elanor knew she was forgiven. 'But if you find me cuddling Pippin's knees, don't be jealous.'

Elanor looked thoughtful. 'Okay…poor old Pippin.'

They noticed a nice little fountain, and a tree. A big tree. A really big tree. In fact, the tree was so big, it was the biggest tree in all the land. 

THE END.

When they went up the tree, there were three elf wardens and one of them blew his horn and it was answered three times. Haldir said he would go up first and then Frodo and then Legolas and then Luthien. The others could follow because they were slow and not accustomed to such stairs. 'Ha ha,' said Luthien, and continued in a singsong voice. 'You're not accustomed.'

Luthien had a great view, being behind Legolas and all. 

They eventually came to a big talan and golly! There was a house on it. In the oval shaped house with green and silver walls and a golden roof, there were many seated elves. Ah yes, there was good old Celeborn and his wife, Galadriel, both looking very 'grave and beautiful'. 

When everyone came inside and had sat down with the Lord and Lady they were given the unfortunate news about their beloved Mithrandir. Celeborn thought the tidings 'evil' and they were. But oh how wrong they were as well. 

Talk. Talk. Celeborn got snooty with Gimli but Galadriel stuck up for him and he was eternally smitten. Gimli thinks Galadriel's a hottie.

Celeborn apologised. Luthien finally accomplished what she had been attempting to achieve all evening: play footsies with Legolas.

Then they were told to clean their teeth, do their dishes and hop into bed. Minus the cleaning of teeth and dishwashing part.

The fellowship plus two walked off to their beddie-bie place- which was couches on the ground near that nice old fountain and the Really Big Tree. But possibly wasn't. 

The elves farewelled them, and the tired fellowship chatted about Galadriel being inside their heads- a perfectly normal thing to happen to anyone, naturally. 

All of the normal companiony people things were offered either a) the One Ring that is Evil, b) the chance to not possibly die and get to go home, or c) Merry wouldn't say.

Boromir turned to Elanor and Luthien and said, in a little bit of a more peeved voice than usual (as he wasn't very fond of a certain elf maiden whose name starts with G) 'and what did the Lady of the Golden Wood speak to your minds, gentle maidens?' 

They looked at each other.

'Erm…' said Luthien intelligently. 

'Well…' Elanor continued.

'It's the darndest thing-' Luthien started, but Elanor cut her off. 

'-She offered me all the pancakes in the world, plus lots of lamingtons, and those nice little buns, and instead of seven meals a day I'd have nine…'

A pause.

Luthien looked at her with an exasperated expression, and picked up her own little lie. 

'And what of you, elf maiden?'

'Er- well. You see, what the Lady Galadriel said to me was something I had intended to keep to myself, but seeing as you are so persistent, Boromir, heir to the Steward of Gondor, I shall enlighten you.'

Boromir looked a bit bashful.

'The fair Lady of the Galadrim foretold that in Lothlorien I will be acquainted with my true love, Lego- he will come to me and profess his undying love for me. Oh and we shall make sweet passionfruit that I love by moonlight.' She nodded.

Legolas stared at her. That last sentence was oddly familiar. 

As everyone got ready to go to bed, Elanor whispered to Luthien 'what did she _really_ say to you?' 

'Nothing,' Luthien answered nonchalantly. 'I couldn't hear her. Good thing that,' she added as an after thought. 

'Me neither. Won't she be a little, you know, suspicious of us?'

'We can just tell her we've got natural mind blocks or something,' Luthien said, a little distracted, watching Legolas change.

'Erk,' Elanor said, wrinkling her little nose. 'I don't think you should be watching that.'

Unfortunately, just then, Sam inconveniently chose to notice the presence of the two non-males. 

The two were hurriedly escorted over to a tree where they could not witness any more porn.

'Damn it damn it bother and blow.' Luthien cursed, trying to peek around the tree, 'he'd only stripped down to his pants.' She complained.

Elanor slapped her and quickly skipped off to where the now changed and fully clothed company were and where she would be safe from the Wrath of Luthien.

Just as they snuggled down under their sheets Luthien gave a strangled cry of anguish.

'What is it?' Elanor asked concernedly.

'I just remembered,' Luthien whispered, her FAIR features riddled with distress, 'in the book it says Legolas, and I quote, "was away much among the Galadrim, and after the first night he did not sleep with the other companions…"'

'Ah he likes his elves, eh?' Elanor said in a yobbo voice, elbowing Luthien in the ribs to earn a hard shove for her troubles.

'Yes I suppose he does but he especially likes ME, which is why I guess this is my last night with the fellowship as well.'

'You're leaving me?' Elanor's eyes widened. 'You're leaving me all alone in a big huge enormous wood where strange elf people could catch me and take me away forever and ever and ever?'

Luthien hurrumphed and said in a grumpy-ish voice 'you are not all alone, dim wit. You're with your love and all his friends and the hobbit who is going to Save All of Middle-Earth.'

'Shhh.'

'Oh yes. What I meant to say was 'the hobbit who is _trying_ to save all of Middle Earth, even though he could possibly not succeed, which would be a terrible tragedy. Er, because he might.' Luthien thought this was sufficient enough and began to brush her shiny long dark tresses. _Oh the wonders of Elven Shampoo. For Women. Your hair will look so luscious that he'll try to steal your shampoo because he'll feel insecure and worry that his hair doesn't look as shiny and smooth as yours. Elven Shampoo. That's no pooey sham._ Luthien's commercial would have continued happily inside her somewhat deranged mind for some time, but her friend mistook her silence for the opportunity of continuing the conversation. Crazy talking hobbits.

'But I won't have you,' Elanor whined.

'I need my Love, Elanor. Surely you understand? …Anyway, the point is I am not prepared for this. If I'd had more time to plan, maybe I could have thought of something to accomplish this night. But…I guess I'll just have to improvise.'

'What? Go cuddle up with Legolas or something?'

'No, idiot. I'll have to come up with a reason to follow Legolas every waking moment. And,' she added thoughtfully, 'every sleeping moment too. And every other moment I can think of.'

'Not that I want you to go…but maybe you could say that he's got kind of a magnet thing inside his head, and there's a weird gravity force thing between it and you and so you can't help but follow him everywhere, seeing as there's a magnetic field dragging you along. AND if you KISS him, it can all be explained by the magnet! "Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that my head is drawn to your head, I couldn't help it."'

Luthien silenced her by putting a hand over her mouth. 'There would be nothing to explain because he would be simply drawn to me by my beauty…and brains. And feel compelled to kiss me.' She said all this very sternly, and Elanor felt compelled to nod. 'Yes. Um, that's what I meant. Your beauty.'

'Good girl. Now you can go to sleep if you want. I will stay up all night scheming, I think.'

'May I stay up scheming with you?' Elanor asked eagerly. 'I'm a really, really excellent schemer and it's our last night together in Lothlorien and we'll probably hardly SEE each other until we leave in those pretty boats, and then…we'll be separated for ages,' Elanor said in a whisper. 

'Yes, yes, and I shall be running through the fields with my love!'

'I was commenting more on the sadness of us not being together for a really long period of time. Also you may be off running with your love, but **I** will be being carried away by horrible smelly uncouth ORCS.'

Luthien's mind was still consumed by thoughts of her love. 'Ah, well, you chose the hobbit for your love. You could have chosen, say, Gimli- oh…anyway, I shall be coming back for meals and whatnot while we're here. Come along Elanor, don't be grumpy. Help me trap my love.'

'Okaaay. I have only two questions: what if Legolas doesn't want you hanging around with him, and second, how are you going to run for that long without stopping?'

'Ahem. In answer to your FIRST question, Legolas adores every single thing about me…sort of…so he won't mind, and in answer to your SECOND question…I, uh, don't know. I'm sure I'll be able to do it...I am an elf.'

'Luthien, you've got blisters from the WALK through Lothlorien.'

'Hey, that was the shoes! And can we not talk about this? My legs are sore from just thinking about it and we don't have much time left to plan my massive, oh so important plan.'

Elanor finally agreed and stopped yakking on about stuff that wasn't really important at this point in the story.

They stayed up until very late in the night, actually until extremely early in the morning, planning and plotting and scheming very schemingly. They stayed up this way, doing such things until Luthien glanced down and saw that Elanor was fast asleep against her knee, breathing deeply and drooling a little on Luthien's dress she'd picked out especially for their first evening in Lothlorien. Luthien pulled a face (albeit a fair and elfish face), moved her friend away from drooling range of her clothing, had a quick peek at Legolas to take in his ultimate hotness (even though he did look just a wee bit spooky with his eyes open), and then dozed off next to Elanor, content that her elf would soon be in her clutches and that she would somehow manage to run all that way without having a heart attack. Perhaps. Maybe they didn't have heart attacks in Middle Earth anyway.

The two female members of the Fellowship woke up rather late the next day due to the petty exertions of the evening before, and when they did awake they were all alone in the clearing. 

Luthien shoved Elanor (who was snoring softly) awake. 'Oi, Elanor, wake up!'

'No Daddy I don't want to go to school today, I hate the troll. I hate s+e and it's so unfair. Don't make me go.'

'Elanor…'

'Mmm?'

'I have a plan.'

Elanor sat up rubbing her eyes sleepily. 'Oh. Hello, Luthien. You have a plan?'

'Aye, that I do. You will train me to become the fittest most athletic elf in all of the Middle Earth, so that I can keep up with Legolas and those other guys.'

'What happened to following Legolas around the whole time we're in Lothlorien and when he's caught off guard, accidentally kissing him passionately on the mouth?'

'Oh, I'm going to do that too. But in between following him around you have to train me, okay?'

Elanor looked a little doubtful. 'Can I be called Trainer Bramblerose?'

'Whatever you want, Trainer Bramblerose.'

'Yay! Twenty push-ups, NOW!'

'Not yet, ignoranti!'

'Oh.'

It was a long time before the fellowship saw the Lady and Lord of the Wood again; Luthien and Elanor were rather grateful for this as they were (in the back of their busy minds) just a wee bit nervous about Galadriel being suspicious about their impenetrable minds, but it seemed she wasn't too fussed about impostors being involved with the fellowship. She was probably more caught up with planning how to annihilate Boromir.

Or then again, maybe not.

Definitely not.

No.

They also had no time to explain to Galadriel about their impostor-ness, as they were extremely busy either:

Following Legolas around

Hanging around with Pippin and those other short dudes

Training Luthien for the Big Run

Helping Luthien walk after a bit of training for the Big Run

Helping Luthien up after she realised she couldn't walk after trying to train for the Big Run

And etcetera.

The next few days in Lothlorien Luthien spent as Legolas' shadow. His shiny silky-haired female shadow. He would often wander off with the Galadhrim and Gimli but fortunately, Luthien was asked to come along too, as she was their _kin _after all. Heh, well, they thought she was anyway, and who was she to argue with them?

On the second night of their stay, Elanor had wandered off with the other hobbits looking for supper, so Luthien decided to explore the area a little. She skipped along the soft grass in the moonlight humming an elvish ditty…well, not really, she was actually humming the Gay Eskimo song, but who could know? Anyway, she skipped along enjoying the way her silver dress danced and twirled in the wind, when she came upon a drunken elf.

He was lying against a Mellyrn tree, slurring a Gandalf lament that the other elves assembled somewhere above them sang, when he suddenly dropped at Luthien's feet and grasped her ankle. "Leeeg."

"Hmm…" said Luthien thoughfully, "an intriguing observation."

"Ya know wha?" the elf continued, not caring if he was talking to a tree or elf, "I fig, tha th' on'y reason tha star fing luvs Mr. I'm-so-the-king-or-going-to-be-soon is because …he's goin to be the king." He nodded smugly at Luthien's "astonished" face. Obviously she was astonished at his wisdom and perception, even when he'd had a few (too many) apple ciders. Her face actually showed confusion, amusement and a little disgust, for she had not the faintest idea what this raving elf was raving about and his breath reeked terribly, but he was drunk so she didn't rudely burst out laughing or anything.

"Yes…I understand. Completely." She answered, smiling and nodding.

"I knew you would." He whispered, playfully nudging her shoulder like they were old mates, just having the good ol' chat.

"…Me too. Okay, Luthien needs her leg back so if you'll just be obliging…"

Suddenly the elf pulled her down beside him, thrusting her against the tree. "What are you doing," she demanded angrily, "You're crumpling my sparkly dress-"

"Shh!" the elf whispered urgently, all of a sudden he seemed alert and awake.

"Get off! You-" Luthien began to say, but the drunken elf put a strong hand over her mouth to silence her. He had pulled her against his chest and she was just beginning to think in annoyance that it was the grotty Elrond thing all over again, when she heard voices.

With curiosity, she realised that one of the voices belonged to Celeborn.

They were talking in their Galadhrim language but Luthien could make out that they were looking for a Reuvean who was a guard or watcher or something.

When the elves passed, the leg-happy elf released Luthien who instantly turned on him angrily, "What did you do that for?!"

Straightening, the elf bowed in apology and said, "The Lord and the chieftain where looking for the guard Reuvean. I am Reuvean and I did not fulfil my duty of guarding the Wood tonight as ordered." He said simply.

"That," Luthien said, still flustered, "is apparent."

"I apologise, lady, I was cowardly and most un-chivalrous." Reuvean bowed his head in shame.

Luthien felt sorry for the slack guard who was slack, "It is forgiven, Reuvean."

"I am in your debt," Reuvean said in polite custom, and Luthien grinned. She'd been waiting for this kind of opportunity and so she seized it.

"eeexcellent…" she muttered evilly, before saying aloud, "This I will mention to no one and I will even offer you a…an allaby as to your whereabouts on this night when you are questioned."

"Your graciousness cannot be conceived," Reuvan said humbly.

"Of course, I must ask of you a favour," Luthien continued slowly, and Reuvean's smile faded.

"Go on."

Elanor was thoroughly enjoying her time with Pippin and the other ones at supper. The hobbits were seated at a low intricately carved wooden table and by this time they were 'filling in the edges' and laughing and singing merrily as they had not done since Rivendell.

Elanor looked over at Frodo and frowned. He was sitting at the table with a forlorn look and had stopped singing the beer song, while Merry and Sam were dancing around on the grass beside him (Merry was saying something to Sam like "it's your turn to be the woman", Elanor didn't quite understand why) but Frodo seemed oblivious to their antics.

"What's the matter Fro? Do? Fro-do…" she trailed off into a bazaar fit of laughter before picking up her thread of conversation again, "You seem un-hiccuppy."

Frodo looked at her and smiled meekly, "I miss him. I'm afraid and I miss them so much."

Pippin looked into Frodo's face unsteadily and slurred, "'S'okay Fody, ye'll be righ' wiv a beer or two…" and he shoved a goblet into his hand and nodded, tapping the little ring bearer's shoulder before collapsing onto the ground and sleeping.

Elanor ignored this and said gently, "You miss Gandalf and Bilbo?"

Frodo nodded and said, "and her. I miss…I miss…miss…me…moom.." and he burst out laughing. The elven wine had begun to kick in.

"Really?" Elanor asked the spoon on her right.

"Nuh!" Frodo snorted bemusedly, "nup…I miss me Lil…Lily…Lila."

"Ooh!" said Merry who had come back to sit by them at the table, "uh, Frodo, hey me friend," he said waving needlessly as he was two inches from his face, "I know where she lives. Lila Brandybuck," he was whispering now, "is my cousin."

"Yeah, Merry we knew that," Elanor said, then tried to roll her eyes but failed and ended up going cross-eyed.

"When I get back home," Frodo continued, mainly to himself, "I'm gonna find her, eat her, and marry her on the moon," he frowned. Something didn't sound right there.

A spoon glinted in the moonlight at Frodo. "What are you looking at!" he yelled at it and muttered, "darn shifty spoons. I trust my fork more than a spoon. Blunt edges my foot!"

In another area of Lothlorien, though no less drunken and crazy than other parts, Luthien and her new friend Reuvean sat. On a mat. In a flet. Damn that didn't rhyme.

Anyway, Luthien had not seen He of the Hottness all day long and was becoming a little frustrated.

The elves around them danced and ordered drinks from the bar…elf, and all the while Luthien was keeping a sharp eye out for her Leggy. After several minutes of impatient waiting and many apple ciders, she told Reuvean to scout around for Master Greenleaf again. He nodded to her goblet and stumbled (skilfully) off towards the ladder and vanished down it.

A couple of minutes later he appeared and whispered loudly to her from the hole, "He's coming by the tree!"

"What?" Luthien panicked, she was not ready, oh Iluvatar her hair! "Which tree?"

"The one of Lothlorien," Reuvean said un-helpfully, but he grinned so darn cutely.

"Oh, I'll go down myself," Luthien said and wobbled (skilfully) down the ladder. She missed the last eight steps but landed gracefully on her bum. How Elanor would have laughed. "You evil lil' bugga!" Luthien cursed out at the night to Elanor, "I know you can hear me!" and she winked at the group of startled elves near her, "Yeah, and I'm better than Elanor at _that _too!"

Then she stared.

Then she groaned.

There, in the middle of the group, dressed in a silver tunic to rival her dress' magnificence, was He. Mr. Mc Schmeg. Legolas. His perfect eyebrows were raised in a state of…what was it? Confusion? Pity? …Alarm!

"Stay where you are!" he cried at her, and with lightening speed set an arrow to his bow.

Luthien in awe, said quietly, "You are so _cool_." Before realising that his bow was aimed right at her.

A savage snarl …snarled from somewhere in the deep shadows of the wood behind Luthien's right shoulder. Instantly the atmosphere was tense with danger. The trees seemed to be still with apprehension as Luthien slowly turned her head to look behind her into the shadow. She was still sitting on the ground, but the pain in her buttocks no longer troubled her as she faced the deep shadow and saw what it had hidden.

"Gulp," she said, "Erm…teh (she clicked her tongue nervously)…so…erm… how are you? Good? Good." She continued, though the hundred or so orcs, made no movement nor answer, "okay…well, I…I think I'll just be moving out of the way and letting the elves kill you now…"

Luthien went to move but realised that she was rather surrounded. Several orcs around her were already laid slain by the Best Archer in the World (take that Robin Pansy Hood!) but a few had now pointed crudely-made weapons at Luthien's throat in a sort of threat. If you think orcs happy to murder you is threatening.

"Stay where you are!" Legolas cried again urgently in such a clear beautiful voice that made her forget about the smelly orcs for a moment.

The fat smelly orc that held Luthien's arm smiled mockingly, and Luthien winced as it dug its claws in painfully and snarled, "We'll not harm the she-elf if you lot let us pass."

Legolas' hand hesitated and his eyes flicked to the orcs holding weapons to Luthien's throat. Then slowly he lowered his bow. The other elves did the same.

"Do not do this for me!" Luthien cried out dramatically to Legolas, silently willing him to keep going. He was so romantic. Such a champ. "It is folly to let such foul evil creatures pass un-harmed for one insignificant maid!" _And who is beautiful_, she thought at him,_ and un-selfish and modest and you want her so damn badly…_

Already Luthien had begun to feel that, silently above her, elven archers gathered and were waiting for a signal to attack. It was all very exciting and Luthien thought with glee of how Legolas was seeing just another show of her bravery and excellence. He would see that she was the elf for him. The only elf for him. (You hear me? He's mine! So just back off fangirls!!!)

The orc was rasping instructions to the other orcs assembled in its ugly language. Its breath was putrid.

Luthien could not take that suffocating smell, nor keep her neck so still, for much longer, and tapping her foot she said tersely to the orc, "Ow. Get off you ugly smelly yrch! Your breath truly is pungently putrid and your grip is too tight, therefore, un-hand me."

The orc laughed and said, "It wants me to be gentle, does it? I apologise, your greatness, but we orcs are bein' as gentle as we know how…without cuttin yer throat."

Luthien gulped. This was it. Even if the elves did attack, there was nothing to stop the orcs from killing her instantly. She would never have a passionfruit-filled evening with He Who Is All Things Hot. Never…No! That could not happen. Lucy, who had travelled from Adelaide to Middle Earth via a book with the aim of snagging the Prince of Mirkwood and living as a beautiful immortal elf with him forever, would not let a silly muddle like murderous orcs destroy all her careful planning and dreams.

She'd show them what she was made of.

With a wild cry (Xena's actually, but they'd never know it) Luthien kicked the orc chieftain where it would hurt (she hoped- Luthien did not want to think about orcish-genitals actually, strange that) and before the others could react, she had a smelly one slain by it's own weapon and the other smelly one disarmed.

This was what the elves had been waiting for and now they fought swiftly and with deadly speed until all the orcs were slain or being pursued if they'd managed to escape.

Legolas came up to Luthien and bent his head to inspect her arm, "You are truly a brave maiden," he said, and admiration showed in his eyes. _Oh kiss me now_, she willed, but he simply bade her goodnight and ordered nearby elves to cleanse her wound and disappeared silently into the night. Luthien sighed romantically.


	15. in which luthien eats a tree wait no, so...

The next morning, Luthien and Elanor met up and swapped stories of the night before. Luthien's tale was a little more interesting as she could actually remember what she'd been doing. Elanor was impressed. "You cheated on Legolas?"

"What?!" Luthien snapped out of her happy dream about what _could_ have happened after Leggy had saved her.

"Well…um…that drunk guy and you. I just thought you only liked Legolas and well, you know, you said he was cute except a little tipsy and then YOU got sloshed- hahaha, isn't that a funny word? …Anyway…um…I need sleep."

"That," Luthien said with some disdain, "is apparent."

Just then, who should wander up to them but…LEGOLAS and he was good at that and he had the nicest smile and said in the most beautiful voice, and, oh look Lucy isn't typing any more so we don't have to hear about elfy boy's goodness until the Bold and the Beautiful is over.

So, Legolas appeared as he so conveniently tended to do, and he seemed to be in a cheerful morning kind of mood. He wasn't like Elanor, who hated mornings with a fierce passion, or like Luthien, who didn't mind mornings quite as much but did hate the sunshine. Legolas just loved being in Lothlorien and being awake and not being asleep, and okay, I think it is now clear that he was very amiable.

Luthien grinned at him radiantly, and instead of looking regal and smiling back sweetly as he usually did, he beamed at her.

Elanor scowled at both of them, her eyes dark and full of sleep. 

'Passionfruit…' Luthien said in a dazed voice, still smiling.

Legolas seemed to be a little surprised at hearing this word once more. He really had no clue what it meant, though it certainly seemed to mean something to her.

Luthien seemed to realise this and changed the subject to that of the night before, "Master Greenleaf," she began formally – Elanor rolled her eyes, "I would like to thank you for your aid last night, I may not have been here today if not for you. You saved my life and I am eternally in your debt. If there were anything you ever want me to do for you, I would gladly do it. Anything." She added purposefully, and it seemed to the hot male elf that she had winked at him.

Perhaps he had been imagining it though, because the next moment Luthien was just looking serene and elfish. Then she flicked back her hair and tried to look sexy. Legolas blinked. Elanor sat down, put her head in her hands, and groaned loudly. 

Legolas was distracted for a moment from Luthien, and looked downwards at the little hobbit. Luthien also glanced at the ground, her expression not quite so fond. 'Your friend does not seem to be herself this lovely morning,' Legolas said with a frown.

'No. She is a little out of sorts. Hobbits do not cope well with their drink, you know.'

'I did not know this.'

'Well…now you do.'

'Ah yes, Luthien, I came to meet you this morning as I wanted to speak with you…would you care to join me on a walk?'

'She bloody well would care,' Elanor snarled, looking up. 'She's meant to be hanging around with _me_ today, and-' Luthien slapped her hand over Elanor's mouth and smiled forcefully at Legolas. 

'I'd LOVE to walk with you,' she said, whacking Elanor.

Legolas smiled and walked out of the clearing they were standing in. Luthien skipped after him, waving at Elanor as she left.

Elanor pulled a chunk of grass out of the ground and threw it after her half-heartedly.

'So, my love,' Luthien said.

Legolas stopped walking and turned to look at her. 'I- I mean, so, my, isn't it a LOVELY morning? Wow, yes it is, the sun is shining so shinily, and I didn't actually mean my love when I was talking to you. I wasn't calling _you _love or anything, not that you're not lovely, you are, I was commenting on the way the weather was today, but I wasn't calling you love…Legolas."

His eyebrows were, as always it seemed when Luthien opened her mouth, arched in confusion in a very handsome way.

"I love you. Marry me and be my Indian love slave," he said to her in desperate, hungry passion. She couldn't say no to those eyes…

'Why, yes, YES!'

'You certainly are fond of meeting new people,' Legolas said, his voice even more confused.

'Um. You did say something about Indian love slaves, did you not?' Luthien said hopefully. 

'I asked if you would like to meet some of my kin who are staying in this realm for a short time,' Legolas said patiently. 

'Ah. Yes. Indian love slaves…a term used by the merpeople- you remember Aquaphilos?' Luthien said hurriedly. Legolas, who had an impeccable memory, nodded. She slightly altered the words to make them sound authentic, 'Yes…um, 'Indern love slayb' is a phrase they use to describe someone they haven't met before but are really wanting to. I, um, would really like to meet your kin. They're probably as hot as you. I mean, no! They could never be as hot as you, I mean, wait, oh, WOW, look!'

Legolas looked up, saw the trees, and looked back at Luthien, his brow knotted in confusion. Then she did the stupidest thing one could do in such a situation: She kissed him and then looked very happy and then looked very surprised and then ran away in panic. "My mouth slipped!" she yelled out apologetically over her shoulder.

'Elanor!' Luthien shrieked. 'ELANOR!' 

Elanor, who was lying on her back under a tree with her eyes shut, stirred as Luthien came skidding through the trees. 'What on middle earth-'

'I kissed him!' Luthien wailed. 'I- I- wow, I kissed him. Mmm. Nice. Legolas flavour. No! We must not get carried away! This is a crisis!' She frowned at Elanor, who was rolling about on the grass laughing hysterically. 'This is not a time for such frivolity,' she said sternly. 

'No…' Elanor hiccupped happily. 'What happened?'

Luthien told her frantically, occasionally biting her nails and looking around to see if Legolas was coming back.

'This isn't good,' Elanor said sadly, only a hint of grin on her lips. 'You seem to have progressed to full on hallucinations.'

Luthien was about to answer back in a rather more vulgar manner when Legolas came quickly and silently rushing through the trees after her. He saw them and stopped. His expression was a mask and for a moment neither of them said a word. Then Elanor spoke, "Erm…yes…Legolas, ah, you see, Luthien has not quite been herself lately. She has had the same impulse with an elf last night. We fear she may be under some kind of spell."

Luthien stared at her comically and then nodded to Legolas, trying to look as earnest as possible.

Legolas looked sceptical.

Luthien added, drawing on her acting skills, "I…I don't know what's wrong with me…I'm so sorry…" and she pretended to cry, softly and maidenly.

Legolas' hard expression softened and he came to stand beside her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "I will help you." He said, in such a dreamy way that Luthien wanted to kiss him again.

Elanor nodded enthusiastically. 'She needs a lot of help.'

Luthien looked up at her warningly, her eyes saying clearly SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

Elanor shut up and tried to look supportive.

'How long have you been having these odd spells?' Legolas asked her in a caring sort of voice. Luthien was sure that he loved her, but she decided to play it cool and not let her feelings make her do something crazy again. 

'I do not know when first these spells began but it seems that every time I get close to a man…or elf, I feel compelled to…to, fall in love with them. Some witch's idea of an amusing gift, I'm sure. When I was born, centuries ago, there were all manner of folk present at the ball in my honour and a witch presented me with a gift but we knew not what it was, for she would not utter it aloud…"Luthien confused herself with her constant stream of lies about her past but The Hot One seemed to buy it.

"There was a ball?' he asked intrigued, "You are of royal blood then?"

"Erm...well, this is kind of embarrassing, but… I don't exactly know." She did a cute pouty thing that she'd learned to do in a Cosmo magazine article called _Pout for the lout._

Elanor, who had been listening to the whole thing interestedly, sighed to herself. Luthien had a past and a love who she had kissed- even if he thought she was insane when she had done so, and now she was pouting at him in a very pouty fashion which was sure to win him over. Damn her and her poutiness, Elanor thought. She herself never could pout properly without looking really grumpy.

Anyway.

Legolas smiled in an understanding kind of way. 'There are many who are not entirely sure of their bloodline, Luthien. It is nothing to be ashamed of.'

Luthien smiled up at him with watery eyes. 

Elanor could tell that her friend was restraining herself, and doing a mighty good job of it at that.

'Perhaps we should be apart from one another's company for the time being, Master Greenleaf?' Luthien said poutily and her words had the desired effect.

'Lady Luthien, it is my wish that you not feel awkward around me because of this…"

'Nah. I think I'd have to agree with Luthien on that one-' Elanor started evilly, but Luthien spoke over her as if she had not noticed.

'-If that is your wish, Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood," she pouted, curtsied and glided off to Reuvean who had come up to meet her and was standing by the trunk of a nearby tree. They hugged in greeting and went off happily together. Legolas did not know where they were going but he felt surprisingly icy towards that Reuvean character. He looked down at Elanor, who was leaning against a tree trunk (the roots of the tree, anyway), and grinning at him smugly in a knowing kind of fashion. 'Ah, that Luthien. She's got so many elves chasing after her…' Elanor shook her head sadly. 'To win her heart they've really got to get in quick, you know.' She sauntered off after winking at Legolas. 

He stared after the little hobbit lass. Upon leaving she had squished her face up at him most unusually. A hobbit custom, he supposed, and thought no more of it. 

Elanor sat down next to Luthien at supper that evening and poked her friend in the stomach to get her attention. 'I believe I may have set Leggy on your trail. You owe me big, elf girl.'

'Ow,' Luthien responded to the jab, 'are you trying to make a point about my tummy, matey?' Then Elanor's last words sunk in, 'What? How?'

'Ah…'Elanor said enigmatically and sipped from her goblet, unfortunately dribbling it down her front, which didn't make her seem very mysterious anymore.

'Come on, come on' Luthien said impatiently, watching Elanor try to pat herself dry.

'WELL.' Elanor said, pausing for dramatic emphasis. 'I.' She stopped again. 'Hang on. I've forgotten what I was going to say…this slow talking is hard…anyway, well, Leggy was there, and I was there, and then you left with that hot elf guy, and you hugged him- what was with that anyway? And so then Legolas was watching like he wanted to shoot other elf guy-' Luthien's eyes lit up '-and then **I** said that you've got heaps of elves chasing after you and that if they want to win your heart they'd better get in quick.'

'Do I?'

'Do you what?'

'Have heaps of elves chasing after me? I mean, I knew I was tres beautiful, but-'

'Shut up. I was just saying that to make him think he doesn't have much time! Ah, yes, soon many little elf babies will be running around the woods of Lothlorien…'

Luthien wrinkled her nose. 'Euh. I think I shall just stick to trapping Legolas with my charms and him worshipping me as his sexy goddess who he yearns always to kiss…with passionfruit…'

Elanor stuck her hands on her hips. 'You must stop getting so caught up in these daydreams of yours. The point is you owe me.'

'Yes, yes.' Luthien said offhandedly. 'I shall trap Pippin in a sack and deliver him to your tree sometime soon…'

'Eeeeexcellent.' Elanor rubbed her hands together and bounced off. 

Pippin was eating his dinner in a content manner, feeling sleepy. He liked it in Lothlorien. There was plenty of food and they didn't do much walking. Walking made him tired and hungry, and oh, how Pippin hated being hungry. He was surveying his food with a fuzzy feeling in his stomach- it truly was beautiful, this meal- when he heard a rustling sound in the bushes near him.

He drew his sword…well…his small dagger thing…and crept over towards the offending shrub, which had stopped moving.

He was about to swipe off a large chunk of leaves when Elanor bounced out from behind it, a few twigs caught in her tangle of hair. 

'Oh! Hello Pippin! Fancy bumping into you here!'

Pippin didn't think it was at all odd that she had just appeared. She often did this, and as she was always doing something weird anyway, he had begun to think it was just her nature and that this kind of behaviour was normal (for her). 

'Fancy,' he said, stuffing an apple thing into his mouth. 

'I was just looking for something,' Elanor explained. 'You know.'

Pippin nodded, his cheeks bulging, although he didn't know.

Frodo came and sat by them, followed closely by Sam, Merry was there already, and they looked happier than they had in days. Indeed, Frodo looked a lot healthier for the sanctity that Lothlorien was, and it broke Elanor's hobbity heart to think of the horrible journey that lay ahead of him.

She sniffled and patted Frodo's little head sadly. He looked a little taken aback, but remembered that she was a different kind of hobbit from them. This sort of thing was to be ignored and taken in their stride. True, they didn't have a big stride, but that doesn't really matter in this context.

Pippin sat down on the grass and continued to eat his apple. Merry joined him with his own food, and Elanor plonked herself down next to Pippin. She slung her arm around Pippin's shoulder and was about to start reciting poetry when Luthien decided to make an entrance. She saw Elanor's 'poetry' face and saw Pippin looking a little worried, and realised that this was her time to pay Elanor back for her great kindness in making Legolas think that he had better propose quickly. 

She wandered over, gave Elanor a silencing glance, and then ambled oh so casually past Pippin, 'accidentally' knocking him into Elanor.

Several hours later, when Pippin had recovered from choking on his apple and Elanor had been restrained from trying to punch Luthien ('I help you with elfy boy and all you can do is try to kill my love?!'), the fellowship were all fast asleep and dreaming, the stars twinkling in the sky visible through the gaps in the foliage above them, and Elanor was sitting up against a tree trunk scowling at Luthien, who was mumbling in her sleep.

'Grrrrrrr,' she growled. 

Sensing danger, Luthien awoke, just as Elanor loomed over her purposefully holding a texta (from their bag). Too late, Elanor dropped her outstretched arm to her side and tried to look casual.

Just as Luthien was about to seek revenge on Elanor, Boromir awoke and said, "Can you not sleep, maidens? Truly, I find it hard to rest in this place, with its secrets and the mysterious elfwitch. Aye to be sure. Yar!" (Except of course the 'aye to be sure' and 'yar' part.)

"I was getting up anyway," Luthien grumbled and stalked off, leaving Boromir and Elanor alone. 

"So…"Elanor said awkwardly, "Er, do you like…wars?"

Boromir looked taken aback.

Luthien swore quietly as she stubbed her toe on a tree root, "Stupid trees," she muttered. She stumbled into a clearing and sighted a figure, silhouetted against a tree. The person appeared to be deep in thought. They did not even seem to notice her approach and when they turned she could see their face clearly. "Greetings, Aragorn son of Arathorn," she said with a graceful curtsy, "I'm sorry if I intrude upon your solitude."

Aragorn put up a hand, "As a ranger, I have had more than my fair share of solitude, I am glad for your company."

Luthien nodded. 'I don't know how you do it really,' she said.

Aragorn raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. They were nice eyebrows really, now that Aragorn had washed himself. In fact, he was quite a hottie, Luthien thought, eyeing him. She sternly reminded herself that she was practically betrothed to a damn fine elf who was so lovely and, well, hot, that there wasn't really much point thinking about other people. 

'I mean walking and…um…ranging…for so long by yourself,' she continued. 'I think I'd go a little bit insane.'

Luthien tripped over a root as she said this and growled as she straightened herself up. 

Aragorn nodded thoughtfully, clearly thinking that she was already a little bit insane.

'Do you miss Arwen greatly?' Luthien asked in what would have been a very caring and inquisitive tone, had she not accidentally sneered when saying The Skank's name. 

Aragorn didn't notice, as the mention of His Love's name, no matter how it was said, was enough to put him into a very brooding mood for long hours on end. He sighed in a very romantic and pathetic way. 

Luthien rolled her eyes impatiently, but tried to make some sympathetic noises in the back of her throat. 'Yes, I understand how you feel. I too have been separated from my love many a time. We have always been apart for years at a time.'

Aragorn stared at her. 'You also have a betrothed one?' He finally had someone he could talk to, who felt the same way, someone who wouldn't just hear the word LOVE and recoil in fear!

'Er…in a way…' Luthien said, feeling a little scared about the way Aragorn was looking at her in such an eager way. 'However, I am not sure that he feels the same way about me as I do about him.' _But by the time I'm finished with him_… she thought sneakily.

Aragorn smiled. 'Love is strange thing,' he said thoughtfully.

_Oh dear_, Luthien thought. _I seem to have awoken the sappy side of Aragorn_. 

'Anyway…" Luthien sought about for some distraction or change of topic, "Galadriel is as nice as I'd imagined her. Have you known her long?"

'I have indeed been a friend to the Lady of the Wood for many long years of my life,' he replied, "It was here that Arwen Undomiel and I were betrothed."

He went all dreamy again and Luthien gave up. She couldn't be bothered with such nonsense: love and its hang-ups. Well, except if it was _her_, that was okay. She bade him goodnight and left him to his stupid thoughts of Skank.


	16. and so the road goes ever on and on like...

As dawn approached, the light in Lothlorien became softer and the darkness slowly slipped away into the shadows. Luthien awoke feeling refreshed and decided that she had better have a talk with Elanor before she became the surface of some graffiti. (Luthien suspected that had she not woken when she did the previous evening, she would now be sporting a most unsightly moustache.) 

She found her friend curled up at the foot of a small tree, sucking her thumb. 'Elanor,' Luthien whispered, shaking Elanor's small shoulder. 'Wake up.'

Elanor's eyes flickered open slowly. 'Grrhrhghghgm,' she mumbled. 

'Wakey wakey, hobbit lass. Your elf mellon needs to have a little chat with you,' Luthien said quietly. 

Elanor sat up and yawned. 'Can't we talk later?' She moaned. 'And besides…perhaps I don't want to chat with you.'

'Elanor, I didn't mean to make Pippin choke. I'd never do something like that, don't be silly. Not that you are silly,' she added, seeing Elanor's eyes narrow. 'You see, I was trying to get you two a little closer together. But Pippin was eating and it seems he has a rather small windpipe…'

Elanor nodded. 'Yes. Well, I am hungry and it's silly for us to fight when we could be doing many other useful things. Like eat, for example…I'm sorry I accused you of being a murderer.'

'And I'm sorry I almost murdered Pippin,' Luthien answered. 'It truly was accidental and I'm really very grateful you have made Legolas see sense at last…it's about time he got worried about losing me. Not that he ever WOULD lose me, oh no-' she chuckled '-but still. Hurrah.'

Then they had breakfast.

Lothlorien was a rather big forest when it came down to it, really. The trees were very tall (trees generally are when they have been alive for countless years), and the ground space itself was very…big.

So, naturally, it was not very hard for a slightly-muddle-headed little hobbit lass to find herself lost in such a great wood.

Fortunately though, Elanor could hear voices steadily growing louder and soon footsteps headed in her direction. She was struck motionless at the sound of Pippin's scotty lil' voice. Presently, all the rest of the Fellowship plus one strolled into the glade and Legolas was the first to notice the very grubby Elanor. He and Luthien rushed up to her in alarm. "What has happened to you Elanor?" Luthien asked bewildered, "Your hair! You're in such a state! We must clean you up as soon as possible!"

"Of course," Elanor replied ironically, "as an elf you _would_ be distressed about my appearance more than what I have to say."

Legolas and Luthien straightened, a little insulted, and both shrugged and began to mutter mutinously to one another in elvish. Aragorn, who could also speak elf, wandered up and happily joined them, occasionally pointing over at Elanor and laughing.

Grumpily, Elanor explained what she was doing wandering about in the first place, after she'd scowled a bit and glared at them. 'I was exploring,' she said simply. 'I thought that maybe, you know, I'd find something like…er…well you know how people go exploring and they explore?'

Luthien nodded and, when Elanor grinned and started to continue, she rolled her eyes upwards and pulled a face. 'Yes, well, that was what I was doing.'

'Great,' Luthien said. 'Now that we have that cleared up, Legolas and I must be off to meet some Galadhrim dudes, okay?'

'O…Kay?' Pippin repeated, confused by the term.

'Bye,' Luthien said, not bothering to answer. This pretending to be of Middle earth business was quite hard.

Elanor watched amusedly as her friend dragged off the very surprised Legolas into the trees. She heard him say faintly, 'Luthien this isn't the right way, if you'll just let go…' before they disappeared altogether.

Elanor stood silently for a moment, looking thoughtful, which wasn't really all that unusual. She had realised that time was running short. If Pippin didn't love her now, maybe he never would. Maybe she'd just become his friend, a friend who might as well be Merry, a friend who could be like his flower girl at a wedding in which she would not be the bride. 

And she was bloody well going to be the bride.

She chewed her lip and gazed at Pippin. Pippin bit into some food and grinned at her. Her heart fluttered and she scowled inwardly at Merry, who was ruining a perfectly good romantic moment. What was it with him anyway? He never did anything, except for when he did something, so he might as well just not be there at all. In fact, same with the rest of them- it wasn't like they needed a whole fellowship, they might as well just have Pippin. And Legolas, she supposed, because otherwise Luthien would be heartbroken, and- she blinked and looked up at Aragorn, who was staring at her with his eyebrows raised. 

'Pardon?' She said cheerfully.

'I said, why are you scowling, little one?' He said.

'Oh…it's a twitch,' she explained. 'Sometimes I just can't control my face.'

Pippin stopped eating and blinked. 'It, uh, doesn't happen often,' she said hurriedly. 'I mean, I'm normal, really truly I am, but-'

'It's alright, little maiden,' Aragorn said kindly, 'you don't have to explain, we all have little quirks.'

'Yes.' Elanor nodded. 'Quirks.'

She tried to smile while she devised a plan to get rid of the remainder of the fellowship who were not Pippin so they wouldn't get suspicious and so that Pippin wouldn't think she was a really grumpy, twitchy hobbit lass, because she wasn't. 

'Er- look over there!' She exclaimed loudly, pointing at a clump of bushes. They all swung around to see what she was getting so excited about, and Elanor grabbed Pippin by the arm and dragged him away forcefully.

Boromir turned back, saying 'I see nothing, what was it you were- Elanor?' He blinked. 'Really, Aragorn, there's something strange about that lass, I keep telling you but will you listen?'

But as we all know Aragorn doesn't listen to anyone unless they are a Skank, so he ignored Borors and wandered off to his own little clump of trees to sulk about his loss of skankiness.

Elanor skipped gleefully along the path, yanking an exhausted Pippin along behind her. She was a lot fitter than Pippin because she played netball and he didn't, so she was a bit more used to exercise than him. She stopped for a second, amusing herself with the thought of her love in a netball skirt. 

'Where are we going?' said Pippin, gasping for breath.

'Going?' Elanor said, blinking at him. 'Oh, yes, I'm going to…show you something.'

'Ooh, what are you going to show me?

Elanor thought fast.

And faster.

God her brain was slow.

'Erm, well, oh look- oh my GOD don't look, look away, look away!'

Pippin stared at the elves in the clearing. 

'Pippin, come on, come on, you'll be scarred for life!'

His face was pale as he dashed after Elanor. They scampered across logs and through the grass until they were far, far away. 'What _was_ that?' Pippin asked breathlessly in his adorable accent. 

Elanor shuddered. 'I think they were trying to make, um, elf babies.'

Pippin was very shaken as he sat down. 'Is it time for lunch?' He asked after a moment of silence.

Elanor shook her head. 'No…'

'Oh good. I think I've lost my appetite and I hate missing meals.'

'And this is Harfandil. Harfandil, may I introduce you to my brave and luminously fair friend Luthien?' The taller elf smiled at Luthien in an alarming way and bowing low he kissed her hand and said, 'It is long since I have had the pleasure of acquainting myself with fair elves of distant lands.'

Luthien crinkled her nose in disgust and Legolas shifted uncomfortably. Harfandil didn't seem to notice as he was rather distracted by another well-proportioned elf maiden.

Luthien didn't care though; Legolas had called her (and I quote)"brave and luminously fair" so she would put up with another horny elf for a few hours if it pleased him. She wished _he_ were horny though. It would make things so much simpler for her…

As it turned out the elves were holding a small party in Legolas' honour. This of course would be the perfect opportunity for her to launch her cunning plan. What cunning plan is this? You may ask. Ah, I shall say, and tally forth eh what.

Luthien intended to get better acquainted herself with her hottie hot hot and what better opportunity than a party… with lots of **elf wine**. 'Mwahahaa…" she quietly cackled but then suddenly she realised she'd lost Leggy! What was she to do! Luthien looked about her in panic but, alas, he was nowhere to be found. Then she spotted good old Reuvean talking to some other elves by a table piled high with fruits and wine and lots of yummy elf food, and walked over. "Greetings, Reavean mellon," she said with a pretty smile, and he and his friends turned to look at her. Suckers, Luthien thought, here I am fraternising with Middle Earthy people and they don't even know I'm not real…er, am real…but not fictional…anyway the point is HA.

"Luthien," Reuvean said, returning her smile, "It is good to see you again. These are my friends Karim, Fararth, Yarni and Nelor. This," he said to the two males and two female elves, "Is Luthien Firithnar, who has travelled far with Legolas' company and has proved to be an invaluable asset."

"Yay!" Luthien kind of squeaked.

The elves looked at her in bemusement and then laughed. "Well, if you will forgive our rudeness Luthien, " The tall dark-haired maid named Yarni said, "I think tonight be not a night for dark tales of wearisome journeys, but for merriness and laughter and much feasting. Come!" And merrily the group of them followed her off to a plain where they could dance. 

Frodo and Sam sat around talking about Frodo-ish and Sam-ish things. Merry, Pippin and Elanor sat next to them silently looking bored and listless. The elves were all off partying at what Luthien had called an 'elf party with hot leggy,' and she'd been right smug about it too, so Elanor had been more annoyed than she otherwise would have been as she didn't actually even like parties.

But as Luthien was allowed to have fun and she was not, she decided that she would do what had to be done.

She and her fellow companions who weren't in charge of saving the world (i.e. anyone not Frodo or Sam) would just have to crash that elf party and do it with style too.

She informed them of her plan and they whole-heartedly agreed. She suspected that this was because Merry was addicted to the elf wine but didn't say anything of it. 

They found their way to the party without much difficulty. For demure and peaceful beings they sure were loud when dancing and getting drunk and she thought about backing out for a moment. After all, it would be very easy for such tall elves to crush a wee little hobbit lass without even noticing. However, she stood strong in her resolve. She was going to annoy Luthien no matter what the cost, although she did hope the cost wasn't her life.

The three of them stood in the doorway…well… tree entrance thing… and tried to look tough, like gatecrashers.

No one noticed them.

Elanor coughed, waiting for the yell.

No yell came.

Pippin glanced sideways at her, silently asking 'er, what do we do now?'

'We dance,' Elanor answered gruffly. Well, she hoped she had sounded gruff. '…And, uh, Merry can get drunk.'

Merry lightened up a little and bounced off towards the refreshments log while Pippin and Elanor were a bit stranded and stuck for ideas.

'Er- shall we go back then?' Elanor said, scuffing the soles of her feet into the ground.

Pippin considered. 'We might as well dance for a bit,' he suggested. 'That is, if you want to dance with me.'

Elanor brightened up considerably and had to restrain herself from squealing. 'Oh, um, _yes_, I suppose I could dance with you,' she said. A big smile spread across her face and she gripped Pippin by the elbow and dragged him off towards the throng of elves who were all dancing not very elfishly, swaying to and fro drunkenly to a rhythm only they could hear. 

The stars had scattered across the sky and twinkled and danced in the hair of the party members as they laughed and sang and danced about in the glades of the wood. The music drifted enticingly to all listeners nearby and many were coerced by its wordless invitation to get to their feet and dance.

Amongst all the crowd of beautiful elves, old and…really old, danced Luthien, in a dress of blue that matched the night sky, embroidered with tiny pearls, and with her pale skin and dark luscious hair she really looked like a goddess of the night sky. Or so a lot of drunken elves had told her. And drunken elves do know best.

And so Legolas beheld her: Luthien Firithnar, really hot available elven chick who seemed rather fond of him (mwaha – little did he know of obsession). He was now dressed in a mossy green tunic with black trews and a velvety black cape was draped about his shoulders.

That was just to give a little mood. Heh.

"Legolas!" Luthien shouted a little too enthusiastically and the elf she was dancing with cringed and rubbed his pointy ears. "Sorry, er, Mr. Elf," Luthien said, forgetting his name, and he moved off to the wine table as the song ended.

"Luthien," he grinned at her and she kind of half-fell over coz she could now see how very particularly hot he was tonight. As opposed to his everyday hotness – it was enough to make any girl fall over and make an ass of herself.

Once she had recovered herself and her enigmatic air had returned to her, she was about to ask a question like "Marry me" when he held out his hand and said, "Dance with me."

Yes, a much better plan, thought Luthien, and she graciously accepted his hand. He pulled her towards him swiftly and gently and she stood motionless with nothing short of ecstasy as he lightly placed a hand on her waist. Then she snapped somewhat out of it long enough to place her hand on his shoulder and concentrate on anything but the fact that she was 3 inches from his face. And his lips. And she knew how unworldly the delight of kissing those lips was. And she really wanted to do it again.

Before she could do anything foolish and unutterably stupid, Luthien was whisked away with the start of the next song by her All.

"That jewel becomes you, Luthien," Legolas said in his dreamy voice, "As does your gown. Why, indeed at this moment you remind me of a goddess of the star-filled night sky."

Unfortunately, Luthien then giggled hysterically, and she suspected she may have snorted.

Luckily, Legolas did notice this but put it down to the wine instead of to insanity. Lucky that. 

"And you, master Greenleaf, look particularly yummy tonight, yourself." Luthien just realised what she said and answered Legolas' questioning look hastily with, "Er, you know, Sea Sprite language…"

Surprisingly Legolas nodded and actually looked a bit downcast. 

"Why, what is wrong love…er, lovely…night, uh, got you down?" Good one.

He looked back at her soberly (even though he wasn't particularly sober), "Luthien… when will you be leaving our company? It is only that, the road before us lies dark and uncertain and I would not like to think of you travelling beside us into such perilous situations that we are destined to encounter-" Luthien frowned, but he continued, "yet, I do not wish for you to part with the fellowship and myself and set off alone…" Luthien's grin was so wide, it was painful. "I'm sorry," he said, "it is unfair of me to speak this way, you have every right to make your own decisions and I should not add to that task or sway it. I was foolish." He looked embarrassed. Luthien wasn't really sure what to do next. She kinda wanted to kiss him. But she wasn't sure how well that would go down. On the other hand they _were_ both drunk so…

Legolas interrupted her train of thought, "Luthien…we are friends, and so I care deeply for you, that is all."

Luthien wasn't sure whether to be ecstatic about this or…not. Did he mean _that's all we are, friends_? Or _that's all I was trying to say_? Oh well, she thought, it matters not. I shall snag him soon enough. Then she realised he was waiting for her to say something.

"Oh, er, I…I am your friend and you are mine." _Oh God! What a stupid orc! Except…they don't like anything…but still!_ "So I…I'm glad." _Wow. Nice save. You think that up all by your wittle sewlf? Stupid stupid stupid! Glad is such a crap word. I hate it. It SUCKS!_

Legolas, to her immense relief, smiled back at her sweetly. And she just awed at him for a moment before saying. "I…I think you should know, Legolas, that I truly admire you. But its more than mere admiration, Legolas, I-"

"-Luthien! What a lovely surprise! Down here! That's right, on the floor…or closer to it. It's me! Your best pal, Elanor!" And sure enough, Elanor stood by their feet. One icy glare from Luthien and her wide smile faded.

"Thank you so much, Elanor, for that introduction. So well timed and very appropriate." Luthien answered her so-called _best friend's_ cheerful greeting in a low and deadly voice.

"Oh." Said Elanor, for once cottoning on. "Have I interrupted something?"

Luthien looked poutingly at Legolas but to her displeasure he was engaged in a drunken conversation with a very merry Pippin.

She let go of Legolas' shoulder and he let go of her waist (damn Elanor!)and the four of them moved off to a secluded table out of the way of dancers. Luthien walked begrudgingly and regretfully.

Merry soon swaggered up and joined them. "All the more for the merriment," muttered Luthien to herself. Elanor (trying desperately to avoid a severe duffing up later on) went to pat her arm but Luthien pulled away and wouldn't look at her. Childish, you might say? Well…shut up…poo head!

Legolas began talking with her and brightening, she decided to ask him something she'd wanted to ask him for days, "Legolas, would it be possible…that is…I would very much appreciate it if you were to tutor me in the ways of archery. It would be a noble thing for the greatest archer to honour me with their wisdom of the bow and arrow. Its alright if you wish not to, I understand…" she trailed off, silently praying.

They all looked at Legolas who himself looked slightly embarrassed by such praise. "Such praise from so fair a maid and yet one so skilled in weapons overwhelms me. I am honoured by your great confidence in me, Luthien, and I will teach you all that you can learn in so short a time. It surprises me that you should not have already learnt archery in your young years as you have been taught swordcraft! Alas, I can teach you a little, and you are eager to learn, so there is no problem. And I've no doubt you are a quick and apt pupil."

Luthien blushed and thanked him.

Elanor was about to ask him to teach her too but thought better of it. It was a shame Pippin didn't really know how to use a weapon. But she loved him anyway. He was after all, a vair funny Scottish holbytla, and that's all that really mattered here.

Elanor sat with her head in her hands, feeling a little whatchamacallit. Dizzy, was it? Well she wasn't sure. It was hard to remember words on such a… wordy… night. Oh, she thought, gazing around, where was her Pip-pip? 

He was nowhere to be seen. Oh, hang on. Her eyes tried to focus but they weren't doing a very good job of it. That… could be him. She blinked and peered forward, staring dazedly at him.

Yes, yes, curly hair. Beautiful face… she listened carefully and noted the Scottish accent. 

It was he! She thought with drunken glee.

She smiled happily at him, her eyes glazed over, and Luthien rolled her eyes. What was her little friend doing? It seemed that the elvish alcohol really didn't go down well with this hobbit… no siree. She was as tipsy as a tipsy tipper.

Luthien watched (Legolas was off doing something for the moment so she was free to. well…not look at him) in amusement as Elanor bounced up, stumbled a bit, and bounded a little wobbly like over to her Love with a big smile across her face.

'Pip… in.' She exclaimed, throwing her arm around his shoulder.

He nodded happily. That was his name.

'You… are my, my… hang on a wee sec…umm...second. YOU-' she paused and looked at Luthien 'not YOU-' back to Pippin '-you, you are my LOVE.'

She nodded looking at Pippin with a, er, drunken love in her little hobbit eyes.

And then before he could say anything or proclaim his own love for her, they simultaneously collapsed on the floor next to each other and within minutes were snoring peacefully on the dirt floor.

Luthien blinked.

Strange.

Merry came and stood beside Luthien, looking down at his fellow hobbits.

'Er-' he said. 'Well.'

She nodded. 'Indeed.'

Presently, Legolas came bounding back to them. Yes _bounding_. "Hello my beautiful!" he said waving at Luthien enthusiastically.

She took a step back and then as she realised a broad grin spread over her face. He was drunk. Sloshed as a seal. Whipped as a whirligig. Wobbly as a …anyway.

"Hey, erm…Legolas." She said testing the water.

"Grehmemenrh…" he said merrily.

"Erm, what?" What the hell was he on about.

"Wine is rather grand is it not, beautiful elven maid?"

"Yes, it is. In proportion…" Luthien decided she liked Legolas much better when he was cool and aloof. I don't know why.

On the other hand…drunken elves are more…open to suggestion from oh say, a girl who's hot for them. Mwahahaha.

However, it seemed as though it wasn't _she_ who would need to hold herself back, because Legolas was acting rather forward at the moment. 

He stumbled towards her, though managing to preserve a little of his elvish grace. Ish. She decided to wait and see what happened. 

Elanor looked up from her brief nap in time to see Legolas singing rather loudly on his knees to a very embarrassed looking Luthien. Her best friend wasn't drunk enough to join in the duet and so stood there trying to act as though, well, Legolas didn't always act like this. It wasn't hard because he didn't and so it wasn't like she was lying or anything…no, no she wasn't.

'Luthien?' Elanor slurred, standing up with difficulty. 'What's the matter with him?'

Luthien glanced downwards. 'I don't know. I thought he was quite good at holding his wine down but it seems I was mistaken.'

'Deary me,' Elanor said, shaking her head, as though she hadn't been raving mad only ten minutes earlier. 'Well, at least he's got a nice voice.'

'True.'

Legolas began belting out a ballad, playing an imaginary lyre along with the tune. 

'Ohhhhhhh,' he crooned. 'Luthien, fair Luthien,'

Luthien wondered if she should leave him to it- it was getting awfully embarrassing and he was attracting a fair audience, who were watching with amused smiles, as if used to this sort of thing.

She decided to stay. It wasn't often, after all, that he sang to her.

In fact it was never.

'Luuuuuuthien… with eyes as…' He paused in his song, although continued to play his imaginary instrument gaily. 

'Lovely as the sea?' Elanor suggested helpfully.

He shook his head, getting distressed. He couldn't think of what her eyes were! How would he finish the song?

Elanor stepped forward and patted his knee kindly. 'It's ok matey,' she said. 'Here, give me your harp thingie, I'll help you.'

He reluctantly handed her the non-existent lyre and Elanor cleared her throat.

Luthien groaned inwardly.

They were both as loony as two loons on loon tablets. She was used to Elanor being as mad as this, but Legolas was meant to be the sane one here!

'Ahem ahem. A song for Luthien by Legolas… well it would be by Legolas if he wasn't so drunk and could think properly… this is what he would be singing if he could come up with the words.' She tried to draw herself up and look like Legolas.

It didn't work.

'Oh, fair Luthien

Who has hair that is fair 

And eeeeeeeyes that are also faaaaaaaair-'

Here Luthien gave up and stomped out to their tree. She couldn't take it any more.

But that didn't stop Elanor from seeing her song through to the very woeful end.

When she had FINALLY finished, she looked about her at the astonished crowd. She winked at them knowingly and tapped her nose, "That's right! Hobbits _can_ sing! Take _that_ elves!"

They looked rather baffled and some shrugged their shoulders and moved off. Legolas looked about him bewilderedly. "Where is my fair maid, Luthien?"

"Erm, we lost her a while back. At the beginning of the song really." Elanor answered off-handedly.

His fair face was distraught! "Oh no! Alas, she has missed my ballad for her!"

"Erm…" said Merry piping up, "I think that won't really matter too much…in the big and small of it all…"

Pippin nodded agreeably. Then popped back to sleep.

Miss Bramblerose reporting live from computer…not, sadly, middle earth. Anyway. THAAAAANKYOU OUR DARLING PEOPLES WHO HAVE REVIEWED! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE ARE USING CAPS LOCK! AND NOW- *gasps* THE SHIFT KEY- TRULY A SIGN OF LOVE. 

Yes so the thing is, we treasure our reviews like, erm, treasure. That is close to our hearts. So we thankyou ever so ever so ever so much. J 

Oh yes, and someone suggested we say what the guys think of us. *nods* Very clever. So we have done that in a later part (aren't you just wriggling with excitement?!) only it came out a little, um, strange. But that is not the point not it is not. OH and ALSO… hang on… I can't remember. So, thankye kindly sir for reviews was the point. Yes. I'm not lying. 


	17. oh dear god celeborn what have we done t...

Legolas awoke the next morning feeling, in a word, crap.

It took him awhile to recall what had happened the night before and found that after he had drunk several goblets of wine, he could not remember anything after that.

He wondered if this was a bad thing.

He got out of his tree-ish bed and wandered to down to brekkie, trying to look as though he didn't have a headache and knew exactly what events had previously transpired.

He was greeted by a very worse for wear looking Elanor, who smirked at him and then winced as smirking hurt her head.

'Greetings, little hobbit lass,' he said.

'G'morning,' she muttered. Her face then broke into a (painful) smile and she said somewhat cheerfully 'great night, eh?'

'Er-' Legolas paused. Oh, if only he could remember! 'Yes, it was lovely.'

'I'm not sure Luthien would describe it as lovely though,' Elanor said in a conversational tone. As conversational as she could be this early in the morning (although it was actually quite close to lunch) which was probably actually more insane than conversational.

Sheesh must stop saying conversational.

'She would not?' Legolas wondered why this could be. Luthien was generally so at peace with the world.

'No… honestly, I can't imagine why she didn't like our song,' Elanor said shaking her head. She quickly stopped. Shaking…bad.

'…song?'

She nodded enthusiastically and groaned. 'My poor head. What do you elves put in your wine anyway?'

'Song,' Legolas repeated.

'Song?…oh, yes, song. You know. You started singing her all those song things- heh, you were soooo drunk, even worse than me- and then I helped you out cos you got stuck, remember?'

Legolas looked blankly at her.

'Leggy?'

'I remember no singing,' he said after a little while.

'Oh. Well, perhaps it's for the best.'

Legolas was about to say he didn't think so somehow, when Luthien appeared on the scene. She had actually had a fairly good nights sleep, if you didn't include the many nightmares she had had about Legolas singing to her wearing a red dress. She didn't know what the significance of the red dress was… she hoped there was no significance to it at all, actually. 

'Luthien,' he said with a slight bow.

'Legolas,' she greeted him, nodding her head curtly. In usual circumstances she would have stayed around to flirt with him, but times had changed. Yes times they were a changing.

He paused. 'How are you?'

'Quite well, thank you. And yourself?'

Elanor rolled her eyes. 'well _I'm_ feeling rather horrible. So I'm off to have some breakfast and leave you two to your oh so fascinating conversation.' She loped off slowly, planning her morning snack. She did hope Pippin would be there. When Legolas had gone to bed the evening before the two of them had played a merry game of merriness. With Merry. She couldn't really remember the rules but it involved a lot of laughing and he had given her a piggy back ride. They should have got sloshed more often, she thought reflectively until she decided that it was too hard to think in a reflective manner with such a bad headache. 

Legolas looked awkward. 'Luthien- I apologise for anything I may have done this past evening, for I cannot remember what foolish behaviour I may have displayed.'

She could not stay grumpy at him for long. 'That's okay!' She said happily, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 'You were just a little bit odd.'

Legolas tried to change the subject by saying 'and what have you planned to do this fine day, Luthien?'

But she continued. 'I mean, when you started singing I was a little bit worried about you…'

'A long walk perhaps?' He asked hastily.

'But then Elanor joined in and it all started to go a bit insane…more than it already was, anyway… so I left.'

Legolas sighed. Perhaps it was time he gave up drinking so much wine. It seemed to have an undesirable effect upon him.

"Oh," Luthien realised he had been making subtle attempts at changing the subject, "But you were saying…?"

Legolas was looking a wee bit embarrassed and when he spoke he looked down at his boots instead of meeting her eyes. "You desire me to teach you archery?"

"I do desire you." She said, and quickly added, "To teach me."

He glanced at her and smiled. "Would you like to begin?"

"Lead on the way." And they went off together to start the fun that was archery lessons.

And back due to popular demand we have everyone's favourite hobbits, Elanor et Pippin. True, they were in the story only a few pages ago… but I really wanted to write that. So I did.

Anyhap.

Elanor was sitting there eating her breakfast sleepily, the spoon occasionally missing her mouth. Her aim wasn't always at its best in the mornings. And this certainly was morning. No… it wasn't. It was almost lunch.

But that's not the point!

No!

So there she was, eating, her (beautiful) curly hair falling about her face because she had not bothered to tie it back with her ribbon, when Pippin came in looking sleepy. He sat down next to her and started eating, without saying a word to her.

She felt a bit offended until she remembered that he was after all a true hobbit- she was also a true hobbit only…not as true as him. And so she could understand his true need for food, a need which was far louder than anything else. Like talking. Talking was such an unnecessary thing when food was concerned.

Yes.

Pippin said something funny.

Elanor laughed.

"So…what happens now?' Pippin asked in his Scottish accented way.

"Erm, I don't know. Any ideas?" Elanor replied through a mouthful of food.

"Fancy a bit of fun?"

Elanor raised her eyebrows. "What sort of fun?"

"The kind where we er, have a little one-sided jesting, that sort of thing."  
"Oh," she said enthusiastically, "Like practical joking?"

"Yes, probably." Pippin agreed, not understanding the term, but he was sure it was probably the same thing.

"What are we doing?" Merry came up and asked.

"Nothing!" Elanor said as Pippin opened his mouth to speak. She didn't want that Merry involved. No sir, he'd be a bit in the way of her plans.

"We have to go now and so we'll see you later, right? BYE!" And off she went dragging an apologetic Pippin behind her.

"I can't help but notice I'm being rather neglected lately," said Merry.

"Me too," Said Gimli, and they sat down together and played 'go fish'.

"You place your hands here," Legolas stood before Luthien with his bow and showed her how to grasp the middle thingy (Luthien nodded absently- for some reason she couldn't quite concentrate on his words), "and hold it like so."

"Yeeeeeees…" Luthien waited.

"..So, you do that then," He said, prompting her to do as he did.

"Oh," Luthien said feeling foolish, "I see." She picked up her bow and held it like he was.

"That's right and place an arrow to the string," He stretched it out perfectly and Luthien's jaw dropped. He was SO HOT!

"Oh um yes, like this?"

"Er, pull it back, Luthien."

She did but found it very hard to hold it for long.

He smiled at her and said, "Very good. Now you must aim for the target…" and went on for a while before shooting. He turned to her. Luthien smiled but it was more like a grimace. Her arm was _going to fall off!_

"Now?" She asked labouredly.

"Yes."

She let the arrow fly…

"Erm…that's…that's a start…" Legolas looked at Luthien sceptically, "Ah, are you sure you would like to learn archery? You are quite skilled with a sword." He smiled at her reassuringly.

"Um, sorry about that," Luthien said, looking at the arrow in the fruit bowl that sat furthest from the target.

"Shall we try again?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"Why not?" Luthien said, then cringed at the thought of the possible answer.

"Why not indeed?"

This was of course a rhetorical question and Luthien felt no desire to answer it.

She held up the bow once more, stretched the string back, and let the arrow…flop listlessly onto the grass at their feet.

This brilliant display of arching was greeted with a loud snort of laughter from behind the trees, followed by 'oh, no, quick! Run!' And the sound of scampering hobbit feet. 

Luthien turned back to her wise teacher, ignoring the hobbits with an air of airity.

'Perhaps my arms are not yet as strong as they should be,' she said sadly.

Legolas patted her not-very-strong-yet arms ('ahhhhhhh,' she thought peacefully) and smiled at her comfortingly.

He did have such a nice smile. It was so much better to be with a sober Legolas. When he was tipsy he was ever so odd- so much more like her- but when he was normal it was just lovely and beautiful and she wanted to sex him and his arrow right there and then. Although maybe not the arrow, she decided thoughtfully. 

'Pardon?' She asked, realising that he was talking animatedly to her about arrows.

"The arrow must be slotted…' Luthien zoned out again, admiring his muscles. She couldn't see them but she knew they were there. And they were muscular.

"So…now you can run me through it." He said finishing.

Crap. Crappitycraptymerde. Oh no. He wanted her to show him what she was meant to do, eh? That may be a slight problem on account of her not knowing what exactly to do as she wasn't really listening. Damn.

"Legolas, answer me honestly," she said buying some time, and pretending to prepare her bow, "do you think me a…an able fighter?"

He looked taken aback. "Well…Luthien, who has been filling your mind with doubts?"

She placed an arrow to the string, but did not pull it back, "Its nothing. Forget I asked."

He was concerned. She could see this in his fair face. She could hear it in the fair words he spoke to her. She could feel it in the gentle touch of his hand on her back. But she couldn't smell it though. That's ok. "By all that we have been through together, through the dangers we have faced, the enemies we have thwarted, and by the deep bond you owe me as your friend, tell me Luthien Firithnar, what has happened to thee?"

Whoa. Fully taken off guard by his sudden contact and sexy…kindness, Luthien accidentally let the arrow fly. She blinked. Then she turned to Legolas, then back to the arrow and blinked again. "I hit it! I hit the mark! Well…kind of." she said, scrunching up her nose sceptically at the arrow stuck in the backboard part behind the target.

"A good start." He nodded earnestly and she grinned at him.

"Thank you."

"Tell me now, my friend, has some one said something to upset you so?"

"Oh…not really, its just…hard, I suppose, being in a fellowship with only two females, and now of course with Gandalf gone-" she stopped. His face had gone hurtfully sad and she felt a bit sad too, even though she knew that Gandalf was coming back.

"I'm…I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"It is not you, Luthien, for me the grief is still too near. And that is no fault of yours."

"Come here," she said and placed her arms about him. It was a bit awkward, hugging someone who's a head taller than yourself, but it was done. And it was nice.

"So you have no more doubts?" he asked when she had reluctantly released him.

"No."

"Good," he said happily, "Now we can continue with your archery."

"Um…yes we could do _that_ I suppose. Can't think of anything else though can you? No?" she sighed disappointedly, wishing he shared her need for snogging, "Let us continue with my practices then. I wonder though," she said, on a sudden impulse, 'if you could stand behind me and er, help me to hold it up."

Sheesh, is exactly what Elanor would have been thinking, had she actually been there.

"Um…if you will it so." Legolas said uncertainly. Ah, sweet innocence…

He came up behind her and gingerly leaned over to help her hold the bow.

Luthien restrained herself from squealing and also from biting his arm. Mmm tasty arms.

Heheheheh, she thought, I am the best! He's all mine. And to think, a wee time ago I would have been bored to death in triple troll morning about now. (Triple troll, of course, being the 3 lessons in a row taken by Ms. Phillips, the cave troll of S.A.C.)

'Yes, that is much more comfortable,' she said, sneakily snuggling against him, 'and it will do to have knowledge of other weapons should I find myself in an unlucky circumstance.'

'Indeed. And truly I think we will find ourselves guided by luck, whether it be well or turned against us,' he replied from behind. Ah, she could smell his masculine yet fruity elven smell. Essence of Legolas.

'Mmm…" she replied and fought against a desire to drool.

'Now I'll help you aim and, when I tell you, fire.'

'That is well,' she sighed romantically. And with Legolas she lifted up the bow and took aim.

'Fire!'

She let the arrow fly and it whistled through the air shortly before hitting its mark, dead centre.

'Excellent!' he said and she squeaked happily. Instead of looking at her in doubt of her sanity, he laughed, and a great big fuzzy feeling came into her stomach. No, she wasn't going to be sick. She was just falling in love… more.

Then there was a slight uncomfortable silence between them, and Legolas looked around absently while Luthien blushed a deep shade of scarlet. She hoped he didn't catch her last thought about their wedding night. That would not be a very good thing.

His hand was still on hers, and she was very much aware of it. Unfortunately he became aware of it just then and let go.

'Damn.' She accidentally said aloud and he looked at her startled, 'oh, er… my head aches. Yep.' It didn't hurt much though, she just didn't want him to know how very upset it made her to lose his hand.

He touched her face and slowly the headache went away, such was the healing power of elves. He smiled, 'Better?' he asked her tenderly.

'Uh huh,' she answered entranced. Oh why would he not kiss her? Why! Oh, hang on, what's he doing? What the?

It seemed that Legolas the aloof, Legolas the princely, Legolas the unaware-he-was-being-flirted-with, Leggy the Legmeister, was leaning in for a kiss. It was sweet and sexy at the same time and when they pulled away, Luthien opened her eyes to make sure he was still there. His eyes were closed and he opened them and met her eyes. Neither spoke for a moment. 'I…Luthien I wanted to show you the way of my heart. How it sings your name. How it wakes me in the night and the way I can trace your face amongst the stars. I have fallen from solitariness to meet you, yet I have risen amongst the stars to touch you and know that you are real. What do you say to that?'

Luthien was gobsmacked. Surely Legolas was delusional. Or she was delusional. Or everyone was delusional and just wasn't aware of it. It just didn't make sense.

Stuff goes here woops

'Well. I. Erm, me and Pippin,' she said, bringing Pippin in front of her as a shield. 'We kind of… drugged him.'

Her friend stared at her unblinkingly and said nothing.

'It must've been a bit strong as he had all that wine last night, but er, it _was_ for _you_.'

'Um. Thanks? You have been a wonderful friend with your drugging of my heart's desire. Not only did you make me believe that he loved me but now you have to change him back to unloving unsexable Leggy… well VERY sexable, but not wanting to sex…' She trailed off grumpily.

'Perhaps… perhaps it is better that way,' Elanor said slowly and somewhat cautiously.

'Grrr.'

'Perhaps not.'

'Perhaps,' Luthien said slowly and in a fake happy tone, 'I should cut off all your curly hair, braid it, and use it to make a noose for a certain wicked little friend of mine.' Elanor's eyes widened. 'YOU,' Luthien mock whispered.

'I…I can reverse it… I… I think,' Elanor said, pulling her hair back away from Luthien's grasp.

'You THINK?"

'I do. Um, think… with my head.'

Luthien's cheeks were pink with pent up rage and she breathed deeply, trying to control herself. 'So. Reverse it then. Go on,' she said, folding her arms across her chest and looking down her nose at Elanor, scowling. A little like McGonagall, but more beautiful.

'Well, I was, er, kind of thinking I might wait a little bit. Until he wakes up. And then… he, um, he might be back to normal by then, mightn't he?' Elanor said hopefully.

Luthien tapped her foot impatiently and heaved a great sigh. "Oh, the incredible wisdom of hobbits,' she said sarcastically.

'Yeah,' Elanor agreed nodding her head, choosing to ignore the element of sarcasm in her friend's voice. Which was great. Not her friend's voice…although that was great too… but the element of sarcasm IN the voice.

PIPPIN IS SO COOL. 

'How long will it take for him to wake up then?' Luthien challenged Elanor, not really expecting an answer at all.

'Oh… about… so long,' Elanor said vaguely, waving her hand about floppily.

Pippin continued to shuffle his feet about uncomfortably. He really hoped Elanor could pull off what ever it was she was talking about. Until then, he would just be silent and let her ramble. Thinking of Diamond of Long Cleeve... 

'Okay, seeing as this is getting us no where whatsoever in the least bit, Git,' the elf spat at the frightened and dimwitted hobbit, 'why do you not tell me what DRUG you chose to poison my Light's mind and sexy body with, hmm?'

'Oh… er its one we found in Celeborn's rooms last night,' Elanor said casually. Luthien raised her eyebrows.

'You went into Lord Celeborn's rooms?'

'Yes, but it was only for a bit of fun. This elf toldus that he keeps some good substances in there and so we had a looksie,' Elanor waved her hand dismissively, 'but the point is: the stuff is called…er hang on, its in elvish, so um, well… you can come and see for yourself!'

Her friend stared at her incredulously. 'You want me to break into The Lord of Lothlorien's private quarters and rifle through his home-made drug store?'

'simply put, yes.'

'…alright then, what have I got to lose? No really, what? What indeed.'

'Legolas if you don't come.'

'Exactly.'

And with a nervous Pippin by their side, they shook hands and patted Legolas' head as they turned to leave.

'So erm, are we going to raid his closet again?' Pippin asked, and when they nodded added, 'Great! I want to find out if he's got any more of those maid clothing in that trunk under the bed. There's a story behind that.'

Luthien laughed, 'I'm sure there is.'

'I'm sure too.'

Three heads popped around a certain corner of a certain room of a certain lord and checked around for inhabitants or innocent elves who may happen to be occupying the room they were about to invade. 'Its clear,' Luthien whispered from under her green 'sneaking' cloak. 

'Let's go then.' Elanor answered behind her, wrapped in a green sheet as she had no elven cloak.

Pippin nodded and casually bit into his apple before following the two sneaking maidens into Lord Celeborn's drug storage area thingy. Heh, Celeborn the Dealer.

'Er, it was over here wasn't it Pip?' 

'Hold on,' he said pulling out the trunk from under Druggy's bed, 'Excellent!' he said, as he opened it up to reveal several glittering sparkly dresses.

'Oh my,' Luthien said disturbed, 'you scratch the surface and there lies the horror of the twisted elves! Not me of course,' She said to Pippin's ironic look, 'just the Lordly types. The princely types however…they are just gorgeous…' and she would have gone off into a ramble then if not for Elanor's sudden squeak of 'I found it!' which of course was more important than prattling on about Legolas as she wanted to restore him to his normal self.

'It was this one over here in the love section,' Elanor giggled.

Luthien threw her an amused glance but tried to maintain her dignity by clucking her tongue and shaking her head. 'It reads _for the ensnaring of the affections of another's desire- _a good choice_._ -Did you hear that?' she said frowning.

Elanor and Pippin shook their heads and looked at the elf's face- now keen and alert. 'Some one approaches!' she whispered and then they all dashed about madly looking for places to hide.

Now they all heard it, the gentle swish of a cloak and rustle of clothing softly heading in their direction. 'In there!' Luthien hissed at Elanor and Pippin and obediently they jumped into the small cupboard on the farthest side of the room opposite the door. Luthien however could not fit in there and urgently needed to find a place to hide or she would be in quite the situation. Again.

'Merde,' she moaned. There was nothing anywhere! No other place but the cupboard and even that was too small. Suddenly, as the swishing drew ever closer and clearer, a thought popped into Luthien's mind and grabbing a silky scarf, she threw off her cloak and ran into the small alcove beside the doorway. Luthien had just managed to slip the scarf over her upturned wrists and stand stiffly like a statue as the door opened and in stepped…Celeborn.

He looked just like he always did (a bit stupid, dim, and blonde of course), and did not notice that four eyes were staring out at him through the crack in the cupboard doors, blinking occasionally. The eyes followed him as he moved over to the bed, looked about swiftly, checking to see that no one was coming (he did not think to check in the cupboards) and then pulled the large trunk out from under the bed. 

A small giggle erupted from the cupboard. Celeborn's elvish hearing did not pick up on this as he was concentrating on the contents of the trunk intently.

Luthien, standing just outside, her arms aching from being stiffly stuck in the same position for so long, heard him mutter 'the pink or the yellow?' in an agonised tone.

She let her arms flop with relief when she realised he would not come out for awhile, but did not dare to move.

Inside, Pippin and Elanor were watching as Celeborn tried on the yellow dress. It was a little tight in odd places, as, you know, dresses are designed for women's bodies, and Celeborn was not particularly feminine in terms of body shape, although, it appeared, his dress sense was _extremely_ feminine. He spun around and smiled with delight as it swirled out around his ankles.

Turning his back to the spies in the cupboard, he began the difficult task of tying back his long blonde locks. After awhile, a _long_ while, during which he swore a lot with frustration (maybe he had only been in the cross dressing business a short while) all his hair was tied back in a pony tail thing, with a big elvish clip holding it together at the top. He had probably stolen the clip from Galadriel.

Celeborn was busy at the mirror for ages, muttering to himself and looking through little bottles on the shelf under the mirror with interest, testing different scents and so on and so forth. Luthien caught snippets of his insane murmurings- 'hmmm, no, a bit too dark…need to emphasise the cheekbones more… oooh, _that's_ nice…' and then 'OW!' as he had poked himself in the eye with the mascara thingy brush.

When he FINALLY turned back to look in the full length mirror, in complete view of Pippin and Elanor (who had been growing bored and were having thumb fight sort of things but were now alert once more), he was made up rather like a woman. He was very, very, very womanly. In fact he was hardly distinguishable as a man… except that he did not look like a _real_ woman. If you know what I mean.

It was all the two hobbits could do not to scream with fright and then fall about in hysterics, as they were both desperate to do.

Luthien, who was now extremely bored and just wishing they could bloody well get out of there and rescue her Leggy, decided to have a quick peek inside. Surely he was finished being a girl for today by _now_?

She peered inside around the door frame, careful to be silent. 

It was a strange sight that met her eyes.

She stepped back quickly and leaned against the wall, laughing silently.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

It was then that Celeborn decided to go for a brief walk in the sunshine (the balcony thingie was hidden from view for reasons which were now obvious) and Luthien heard his footsteps (high heel clompies) heading outside.

She decided to be a very happy statue. 

Celeborn, concentrating carefully on his steps as he wasn't used to walking in heels, did not notice that one statue was extremely life like, grinning at him and shaking softly.

He stood by some flowers, smelling them (why they were nearly as fragrant as him), feeling at peace with the world. 

While he was being at peace with the world, Elanor and Pippin fell out of the cupboard, dashed over to the bottle they needed and hurried out the door, while Luthien slipped back inside and followed them swiftly, grabbing her cloak on her way out and dropping the scarf she had been holding to be a statue elf.

When Celeborn came back in he was somewhat disturbed to find the doors of his secret cupboard flapping open, and a scarf (which he rather liked and promptly wrapped around his neck) lying on floor. He was sure it hadn't been there before…but it felt so soft and silky against his neck…oh well. Perhaps he knocked it off the table earlier.

The three raiders ran all the way back to the glade where the unconscious Legolas lay and simultaneously dropped to the floor in hysterics, gasping with exhaustion. 'That-was-bloody-great!' Luthien managed to gasp out after awhile.

20 minutes later, when their hysterics had subdued into a few giggles, Luthien asked to see the bottle, and Elanor, reaching into the folds of her skirt, retrieved it and handed the small bottle to her. 'Ah…I see. So all we have to do is…hm. It seems it's not permanent- according to this it will wear off in approximately 12 hours… although I'm not sure I trust a man who likes wearing yellow dresses.' She paused. 'Who wears dresses at all.'

The hobbits nodded. Luthien snorted and they went into a fit of laughter all over again. That was when Aragorn decided to visit. It was an odd sight that met his eyes: an elf leaning on a hobbit on the ground, both shuddering with some kind of hysterical laughter, another male hobbit rolling about on the floor, also laughing crazily, and another elf who at first appeared to be asleep but when Aragorn stepped closer he knew that he was out cold.

Very odd things were afoot in the Woods of Lothlorien.

But he didn't know the half of it.

'And what has been going on here?' he asked with a slow smile.

Luthien answered, 'Cele…cel…' and then burst out laughing again.

Ignoring this, he asked, "What has happened to Legolas?' It was very odd that they be playing about so when a comrade lay near by unconscious.

'Oh, well, we're about to er, fix that. We must just let him sleep it off,' Elanor said, getting to her feet and dusting off her skirt.

'Very well,' said Aragorn, who was a bit depressed about a certain star of the evening, 'I have come to tell you that we are summoned now to the chamber of Celeborn.'

Pippin snorted when the word 'chamber' was uttered.

'Luthien, you must wake Legolas and the four of you may head off now to the chamber. I must find Gimli and Boromir and the three hobbits.' And he strode off.

Luthien made a groaning sound. Elanor looked at her.

'He'll still be Leggy le maniac if I wake him now,' Luthien explained forlornly.

Pippin patted her arm, 'He's not unreasonable though, at least he wont do anything mad while we're in the chamber.'

'You think his desire for me mad?" Luthien asked him in a pained voice.

'Of…of course not,' he stuttered, 'Only he's not acting himself is he? Least ways, not the Legolas you want.'

'That is so,' she answered and then she knelt before her comatose love and placed a hand on his forehead.

The others watched in silence, waiting. To Elanor it seemed that her elf friend seemed to glow, dimly at first, as if the early morning rays illuminated her, but then she realised the light _came_ from Luthien and watched in wonder as Legolas began to stir. He soon opened his eyes.

'Luthien?' he asked, and for a moment, Luthien thought that he was his normal self. Until he kissed her.

'No!' she said pushing him away, but wondering why the hell she was pushing him away. 'I…I mean, Legolas, friend, we must meet at the chamber of Celeborn. Come swiftly.' And she rose and he rose also and everybody rose. The end.

Elanor sniggered as they entered Celeborn's chamber. His range of make up was concealed from prying eyes and he looked quite calm (and manly-- as manly as elves can be) as they found seats for themselves. He didn't look in the least bit like a cross dresser- but they knew better.

Quite a bit better.

Indeed.

Luthien and Legolas came in a few moments later. They also looked perfectly normal- normal to a stranger, unfamiliar to the ways of the Two Elfy L's. For anyone who knew them well would have known that Legolas did not usually look at Luthien with a sappy smile on his face, and nor did she stand at arms length from him. Anyone who _knew_ them would know that Luthien would generally be standing as close to him as elvenly possible.

Elanor decided it would be best not to arouse any suspicion, and so she stood up and placed herself between the two of them so that Legolas could not lean over easily and kiss his 'darling of the morning sun,' and Luthien would not have to crawl over any furniture to get away from him.

That kind of thing was thought to be strange, though I can't imagine why.

Then the meeting that they were at actually began.

During it they discussed many a thing, from one thing to boats and to another and then how to leave and what they would do and so on and so forth…etc.

Luthien and Elanor were a tad sad to be leaving the magical land of Lothlorien, but they knew that had they tarried there any longer something even more peculiar would probably happen. And they really could do without any more peculiar happenings. So all in all it was well that it was their last night. Because yes, it was their last night.

All throughout the discussions (the very serious discussions) Legolas made kissy kissy faces at Luthien, to Elanor's great displeasure. 

It was icky.

She wished they hadn't tried to help along the falling in love ness. It had had most dire consequences.

Elanor, out of the corner of her eye, saw Luthien responding to Legolas' looks in a similar way, raising her eyebrows and winking at him cheekily. She caught her friend's gaze and scowled menacingly. Luthien pouted grumpily, but tried very hard to ignore Legolas for the rest of the time. 

It was tough, but she managed it in true heroic style.


	18. hurrah! After a long absence there is an...

When they all got back to the tree they were staying at (like a hotel but more leafy) they discussed many things. Including Boromir being most sneaky about Frodo and a certain ring that is evil. 

Luthien realised that Legolas was back to normal, when he said something about boats that had nothing to do with Luthien. 

She couldn't decide whether or not she was relieved or disappointed. 

But that didn't really matter because right now Legolas was looking at her oddly. Not oddly like he pined for her, unfortunately, but like he was a little confused. 'What is the matter, friend?' she asked in their (well, in her adopted) language quietly. They were seated a little apart from the others so there was no trouble of anyone over-hearing.

He looked at her for a long time before answering, 'this day has passed strangely… I know not why I feel this way, sort of absent…' he trailed off and shook his head in frustration.

Luthien took a while to answer. '…Legolas, you consumed a great amount of wine this past night, perhaps that has something to do with your present unease?'

He laughed. 'Verily, I have made a fool of myself!'

She smiled nervously. He looked at her seriously then and seemed as if he might ask her something, when Gimli plodded over. Bloody dwarf! 

'Excuse the interruption Lady Luthien, Elf,' he directed to Legolas, 'come tell me of your last few days, for we have not yet had a chance to speak.'

Luthien was about to point out angrily that he and Legolas could talk as often as they liked aboard the boat tomorrow, but then she realised that she would sit in the boat _with_ them. Besides, she wasn't sure that she would want Legolas to ask her any tricky questions about the day.

Gimli seated himself beside them and Luthien let her mind wander un-attentive to their funny jesting babble. Tomorrow she would be given a gift! Luthien very much liked gifts. So did Lucy, for that matter. How odd. She hoped it would be cool and useful, which of course it would be, being elven made and all (by elves).

Her mind continued in this ramble for quite some time until her name, uttered by perfect lips, called her back to the land of awakefullness.

'Pardon?' she yawned.

Gimli grinned at her. 'You seem to be falling asleep, m'lady.'

She smiled sleepily at him in an appropriate manner and nodded her head gracefully.

'Yes, I think I shall make my way to bed. Tomorrow shall be a long day.'

The two companions farewelled her and she left. It would have been a very graceful exit had she not tripped on her skirt on the way out and stumbled a little. Luckily, she composed herself quickly and walked out with her usual elfishness and beauty. Gimli and Legolas watched her retreating figure. Legolas had a strange feeling that she had left something out about the day that had just passed, but decided not to dwell upon it. It didn't seem like a very good idea to dwell, as he felt as though whatever it was he couldn't remember wasn't a particularly good thing TO remember.

The morning dawned as it always did in the mornings, but when Elanor and Luthien woke they felt a sadness upon them. It was their very last time in Lothlorien. What if they never saw the leaves of the Golden Wood ever again?

As they put all their belongings back into their packs, they were very quiet and did not speak and joke around as they usually did with one another.

Elanor occasionally giggled, thinking about Celeborn and his… peculiarity… but then sobered. She was a little bit nervous about being in the Two Towers- orcs. Mean and smelly they were, and she was going to be stuck with them for days.

She sighed, pulled her pack onto her back, and followed Luthien to where the rest of the fellowship were gathered. 

The two friends cheered up immensely as elves presented them with gifts of clothing and food. They were both pleased about the clothing, but Elanor was quite ecstatic about the food. She LOVED elvish meals.

They were all given the very cool grey cloaks with the nifty leaf brooches clasping them together at the neck. Elanor eagerly pulled hers on over her travelling clothes. Luthien tried to look serenely pleased with her present and restrained herself from beaming and jumping up and down with glee. She had SO wanted one of these cloaks. And, she reflected, wrapping herself in the grey folds, it really did suit her.

After eating (and in the hobbits' case, eating and eating and eating) Haldir led them to where the boats floated in the stream. Ropes were placed in them, and I am just saying this because it's very important later in the story even though not in OUR case… but Merry Christmas nonetheless.

It was then that they all got into their individual boats. To Luthien's great disappointment she was expected to share with Elanor, instead of sitting closely behind Legolas as she had originally planned.

Elanor was a tad insulted and she pouted. 'We shan't see each other for YONKS after this,' she said, crossing her little arms across her little chest. 

'Well… now I shall have to row,' Luthien said, looking put-out.

'I can row,' Elanor answered defensively. 'We did rowing in year seven at Aquatics. I was just as good at it as you.'

'Didn't you get stranded?'

'Um, yes…I seem to remember that… but I can row. Pleeeeease stay with me? I cannot stay in a big boaty all by my selfy.'

'Oh, alRIGHT.'

'Hurrah!'

'But only because… er… just because. Anyhap, I suppose I may miss you a little bit when I am off galavanting with my Love.' She paused. 'If I find the time.'

'Gee. Thanks,' Elanor said dryly.

'Shouldn't we get changed into our gallavanting gear then, boat buddy?' Luthien asked more cheerfully. Elanor suspected this was because Luthien wanted to show off her sexy clothes to Legolas. Sigh.

And so off they went and returned just in time to set off in their boats and then get onto the green grass to eat lunch with the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood.

As the alighted upon the grass, the men commented on the beauty of their garments and Luthien proudly modelled her outfit while Elanor gave a small curtsy and sat down to eat.

She was very satisfied with the clothes she had designed for the elven dress-makers. She had pants that were clingy at the top but flared out at the cusp of a brown elven cloth that would not tear, and a silver leafy belt around her hips. Her top was a light shimmery green, it was rounded at the neck, had pretty lace doilies circling the upper arm and trimming the corsety lace-up at the top of the shirt, and the sleeve hang loosely from the doilies at the arm.

Elanor was dressed in her usual hobbit girly attire. Her dress was a little longer for warmth and was more swirly and loose so that she could move easily in it. She had a hobbit top that was kind of corsetty and was dark brown in the colour; her skirt was a lighter shade of the same colour. She figured that the brown would bring out her eyes (that was what the lady at the uniform shop had said when they were first given their BROWN school uniforms at least), so hopefully Pippin would like her eyes, and also if she fell in the mud the dirt would just become an addition to her already beautiful outfit and wouldn't really take anything away from it. Which was tres bon. 

Lunchy meal was, as it always was, fantastically delicious. The elves were bloody good cooks and so they right well should have been. Thousands of years was enough time for anyone to learn how to cook properly after all. Elanor thought about this, nibbling happily. She didn't suppose she could ever learn how to cook, no matter how many years she tried.

She was feeling a bit sad about this, because after all, what if one day Pippin said to her 'Elanor,' he would say 'Elanor, will you make me a cake?'

And she would have to answer 'Pippin… I am awfully sorry, but my ability to make cakes…edible cakes… is not able.'

Luthien interrupted her by grabbing hold of her little hobbit wrist and squeezing it tightly with excitement.

'Elanor!' She hissed quietly, still clinging to her friend's arm. 'We get our _presents_ now!'

Elanor beamed through a mouthful.

Galadriel forced them all to drink from the cross dresser's cup. It was actually a very nice gesture.

She then commanded them to sit on the grass. She and Celeborn got chairs because they were special.

She made a little speech about gifts and what not, but Elanor and Luthien did not hear exactly what she said because they were too busy getting excited about said gifts.

It was like Christmas, but not at Christmastime! And almost MORE special because it was all Middle Earthy and it was not every year a person (elf, or hobbit) received a pressie from Lady Galadriel herself.

Aggas got his jewelly thing, Boromir his belt of gold, Merry and Pip pip little pretty silver belts. Leggy got a bow, and he was marvelling at it while Elanor and Luthien grew very restless and impatient, rather like young children on Christmas morning, unable to stand the wait any longer. Only they looked more stupid and slightly out of place.

Finally the Lady Galadriel turned to the two extra companions. Firstly, bending down, she gave Elanor a small book, little enough to fit into her hobbit sized pocket. Elanor opened the cover gently and read a title in elvish, the writing beautiful, swirly, and in her eyes incomprehensible. 

She looked up at Galadriel, her brown eyes somewhat confused. 

'It is a book of poems and tales of our people of old,' she explained kindly. 'The rest of the book is written in the common tongue so that you may enjoy them.'

Elanor grinned and thanked her.

She then turned to Luthien (who was by now yawning in a very exaggerated manner, which she quickly stopped) and met her gaze. 'And for Luthien Firithnar,' she said in her soft lovely voice, 'I give you a flute. May you find comfort in its gentle song and remember the music of Lorien.'

Luthien smiled and received the flute carefully. She didn't want to make a fool of herself in front of gathered company. Ah, then she would be quite the fool.

Elanor looked at the flute and said in a quiet voice. 'I didn't know you could play the flute,' she said, raising her eyebrows.

'Well I can,' she answered haughtily, patting her flute feeling pleased. Hurrah.

'Legolas?' Luthien said, wandering over to him, 'you have a nice bow.' He nodded, and continued to admire the craftmanship of the golden bow in awe. Eventually, and with Luthien tapping her foot and looking about them impatiently, Legolas asked what she had been given. 

'A flute,' she said, showing him the small wooden flute with intricate designs swirling around the holes.

Legolas nodded interestedly and then went back to his bow.

Luthien shrugged to herself. She would test out her brilliance at flutering later and charm him like a snake charmer charming snakes. Only she would not make her Leggy rise up out of a jar thingie. Because that would be stupid.

Sam and Frodo received their pressies most happily- Elanor looked at Frodo's pretty light of Earendil with a tad of jealously. It was a very pretty light glassy thing- but she contented herself with her book. She loved her book and to show her love for it (to, er, herself) she patted the bump in dress where she had pocketed it.

And at long last Galadriel farewelled them and it was time for them to leave the Magical Land of Lothlorien.

The elves called goodbye to them and so on and so forth as the companions got back into the boats they had been seated in before. They sat in their boats and watched as the golden wood disappeared behind them, sinking into the distance, and they slowly slid back into the ordinary world.

Ordinary for SOME.

Heh.

At first they were all awfully sad, and Gimli cried into his beard. This was particularly sad as they had never seen Gimli quite so distraught. It didn't help that everyone else was awfully glum either. Luthien and Elanor were, like the others, a bit down of heart, but they had realised that on an ordinary day (in their own world) they would at this moment be in double maths.

So I am sure you can see just why they were not TOO miserable.

Elanor and Luthien came across a slight problem in that Luthien was a much stronger rower than Elanor and they ended up travelling very lopsidedly, or, depending, they would go round in small circles before getting back on track.

Legolas noted this with a laugh, forgetting his sorrows. 'Perhaps it would be wiser if you took turns at rowing,' he suggested.

Luthien turned a bit pink and nodded sheepishly. 'Er- yes, perhaps that might be a good idea.' 

Like a true friend she handed the oars to Elanor and settled back comfortably in the small boat.

Elanor overcame this difficulty by pretending she was in the Olympics and was rowing for Australia. Luthien rolled her eyes as her friend commentated on herself.

'And here comes Elanor Bramblerose,' she cried in an announcers voice, 'coming south down the river past all others at a terrible speed- why, she's bound to win the gold- and- YES! Yes, she's done it!'

This was ridiculous mainly because for one thing they were behind everyone else, and for another Elanor was making quite the spectacle of herself. Luthien nudged her with her toe. 'Elanor,' she hissed. 'Shut UP.'

Elanor stopped basking in her 'win' and blinked. 'What?'

Luckily the rest of the company were all lost in their own thoughts and had not really noticed her outburst, much to Luthien's relief. She was sick of explaining stuff to them, and anyway, she was busy daydreaming about she and Leggy's wedding day. And wedding night.

The rest of the day passed drearily and uneventful, the only source of entertainment however, came when Pippin toppled out of his boat during an animated ramble and Elanor shrieked something about Lochness monsters and dove in after him. Luthien had not been able to calm down for about and hour after that.

The night was just as cold and dreary and Frodo had fallen asleep in his boat so Aragorn has called a halt. This was lucky as Luthien felt her arms were about to fall off from rowing and she had very nearly had some run ins with Legolas and Gimli's boat as she had unconsciously tailed them in her drowsiness. Tactfully they had said nothing of it.

They woke up in the morning to see Gimli kindling a fire in the early morning rays of the sun.

Elanor sat up grumbling. She had a crick in her neck and the idea of spending another whole freaking day on that bloody river did not please her very much. Luthien felt much the same, although she liked being able to watch Legolas row… nice, strong arms he had. Mmm. Arms of strongness. She would strive to be like him and have strong arms also.

The days passed, long and uneventful. Luthien and Elanor's arms had grown used to the strenuous exercise; or perhaps they were hurting so much it just wasn't possible for them to hurt any more at all. It seemed likely. Sadly they capsized their boat when Luthien had been a little too enthusiastic in a race with Merry, Pippin and Boromir. Elanor could swim, much to the surprise of the other hobbits (owing to the fact that she'd taken lessons as a member of mankind many years ago) and Luthien of course happily bobbed up and down in the water. Happily because Legolas had jumped in after them.

Legolas looked about him in the chilly water. The hobbit, though capable of swimming, would soon tire and so he would have to help her out first. He glanced over at Luthien for reassurance. Luthien grinned back at him and splashed him with a small wave from her (rather toned looking) arm. He laughed and grabbed the doggy-paddling hobbit and lifted her easily into the elven craft. Luthien swam over to him. "Nice day for a swim isn't it?"

"You are an insane one, Firithnar," he said in (ahh…) their elvish tongue.

She grinned back at him, too happy for words. He put out his hand to her and she thought, not for the last time, that This Was The Proposal. But then he began to lift her and she eventually realised he was trying to prevent neumonia.

Though they sat both drenched and shivering, Luthien was perfectly happy, for Legolas had not only _saved_ her but he had _complimented_ her too. And when Elanor had settled back into the boat, Pippin (and Merry…and Boromir) had pulled up beside the boat and asked if she was alright. Pippin had given her his blanket. Merry had given Luthien his. Luthien was not quite as happy about that – particularly as she had noticed a slight tendency of his to watch her when she brushed her hair and ate and … he watched her quite a lot actually. Damn. The cute wee Brandybuck had a slight crush on her. Which of course meant she had to be extra sneaky when she in turn watched Legolas. Bother.

After awhile the trees which had lined the banks of the river slowly began petering out and soon they were flowing along through a barren land. The company were uneasy; Elanor and Luthien were bored.

'I spy with my little hobbit eye, something beginning with N.'

Luthien continued rowing, looking around as she did so. 'Nothing,' she answered.

'Damn… your turn.'

'I spy with my beautiful eye, something beginning with G.' She looked smug.

'Gimli.'

'Nope.'

Elanor twisted around in the boat and peered around. 'Goats.'

'There are no goats.'

'Yeah, well, if there were I'm sure you would have picked them. Sometimes you're just so transparent… um… grey…cloaks?'

'Nup!' Luthien was getting pleased with herself.

Elanor scowled. 'I give up.'

'Are you suuuuuuure?'

'Yes.'

'Hehehehehehe!' She handed her oars to Elanor and grinned happily. In such situations one had to enjoy life's simple pleasures.

'Well, what was it?'

'Gorgeous hottie elf boy,' Luthien answered.

'Hmph,' Elanor said. She stopped talking as rowing made her tired and all that she could ever find the breath for was long nonsense songs. Her favourite was the one that went 'Iiiii, don't want a pickle…just wanna ride my motorsickle… and Iiii don't wanna tickle… I'd rather ride my motorsickle. And Iiii don't wanna diiiie! Just wanna ride my moooootorcy……cle.'

She launched into this soon, rowing along. Luthien had perfected the art of zoning out and staring lovingly at Legolas in a distant fashion so that he wouldn't be too unnerved. It helped pass the time. 

When Gollum made a sneaky appearance Luthien made sure to throw him a fish coz she had a soft spot for the little fella. Aggas wasn't as happy about him as Luthien and Elanor though and suggested that they speed up and row for longer spells. Luthien groaned. 'Great. Just great. All this pain for YOU,' she said to Elanor as they made their boats ready one overcast day, 'I could have been in Leggy's boat but _no. You had to turn me into slave girl!'_

Elanor was indignant. 'I do too help you row! Why, feel my strong arm muscles!'

Luthien looked at them in disgust, 'You only row for an hour a day before complaining of a stomach ache! And when you _are_ rowing its so slow that we lose sight of the others and I have to take over to catch us up again! Honestly!'

'Well I try.' Elanor said humbly.

There was then a moment of freaky-deaky-ness where they accidentally went into some rapids and almost got themselves torn to pieces on rocks. To make matters worse there were orcs on the eastern shore shooting horrid black arrows at the innocent and much cooler and also hotter people in the boats. 

Luthien and Elanor were in a panic. Luthien took over the rowing as Elanor's arms were not strong enough to manage on her own and they'd end up as fish food if she didn't do something. Once they were out of the danger of the rapids, there were the bloody orcy arrows to worry about. Luthien tried to row and lie down on her front at the same time to escape being hit. It looked very awkward but it was safe. Elanor put her arms over her head and sat cowering in the prow. She didn't want to get hit by arrows. 

Luckily, being slower than everyone else occasionally had its advantages- the majority of orcs did not notice the boat that was drifting behind the rest of the company and so fewer arrows were shot in their direction.

They made it to the western shore, relieved and exhausted.

Elanor crawled out of the boat and flopped onto the sand. She kissed it happily and then sat up pulling a face, sand on her lips.

Luthien checked to make sure Leggy was alright, and just in time too. Not because he then died and it was the last time she ever saw him alive, oh no. No, she saw him do something Very Cool Et Tres, Tres Bon. Over their heads a dark shadow had flown, covering the light of the moon with an evil blackness. Legolas, a true champ, had shot at it and PLOP, out of the sky it fell.

Not with a plop though.

That was just for special effect.

Then everyone praised him and Luthien beamed, proud of her love. She hugged him and said 'good aim Legolas!' and then realised that elves don't hug and sat down next to Elanor bashfully. 

Later on the next day, Legolas and Aragorn were to go off to find a smoother road and everyone watched them go off engulfed by the mist, not knowing whether or not they went to their deaths. Luthien said she wanted to go with them but Aragorn wouldn't let her. 'Stout hearted you are Luthien, yet it is best that you stay here amongst the others and wait for our return. If indeed we are to return.'

'Happy fella isn't he?' Elanor muttered to her as he went off with Luthien's hottie who is hot. 

'I just wanted to go off in the mist with them… maybe lose the man… get lost with the elf…' she trailed off dreamily.

Elanor rolled her eyes. 'Eye spy again?'

But all was well, as Aragorn said when they returned a couple of hours later. They'd found a place to take the boats and stuff so they exhausted themselves dragging everything off there. Everyone was really tired so they pretty much went to sleep. Luthien was so confused that she tried to close her eyes to sleep but then remembered, looking over at Legolas, that she must 'mingle the stars with her dreams'. She'd rather mingle with Legolas in her dreams.

During the night it drizzled briefly and Elanor woke up feeling damp. She tapped Luthien on the shoulder. 'I don't see why they don't have hotels in Middle Earth,' she complained. 'I want bed and breakfast and I want it now.'

Luthien ignored her. 

That day was the tres cool day of the Argonath; ie; the really huge rock king things that stood awfully tall and high on either side of the river. Elanor and Luthien stopped their rowing and sat in the middle of the stream staring up at them, awed. 

'They look big at the movies,' Luthien said thoughtfully. 'But…now they look even bigger.' It was a wise comment indeed.

They quickly started rowing again once they realised everyone else was quite a long way ahead down the river. 'Legolas,' Luthien muttered to herself. 'Wait for me!'

Elanor was becoming very whiny. She was sick of the river and she knew that the only thing there was to look forward to was being thrown about by stinky horrible orcs.

Luthien, however, was growing ever more excited. One…maybe two… more days and she would be with her love _ALL THE TIME_…and those other two guys…and, sure, Boromir was going to die, but even so. They'd deal with that when they came to it. She had seen it happen in the movie a number of times; she was sure she'd cope in real life.

'Ah, Leggy. He looks so hot when he runs,' Luthien said with a happy sigh.

Elanor, sitting huddled up in her cloak, muttered something under her breath.

'What was that?' Luthien asked sharply.

'Nothing,' Elanor said sullenly. 

'Now, now, Ellie.'

'…Ellie?"

'Yes. The thing is, at least you will be with your love and you will see all the excellent stuff he does in an extremely nifty hobbity Pippin way.'

Elanor nodded. 'I s'pose so.'

'And I… I will be in bliss.'

'And agony,' Elanor said with a snigger.

'Shut up.'

Aragorn was forlorn about Gandalf and he led them off to where they stop at Tol Brandir at Amon Hen. Which as we all know, was not a very good idea. It was a good idea in a sense, but a bad idea in the 'Boromir dies' aspect of it all. And the 'Merry and Pippin and Elanor get carried off by evil orcs,' and the 'Sam and Frodo go off to Mordor,' part.

So… maybe it wasn't such a good idea at all.

They were all sitting around the next day, arguing about where to go, and discussing the many different options before them. Elanor and Luthien left them to it and had a bit of best friend bonding playing hand clapping games off to one side. 

As the serious discussion went back and forth, mainly centred around Frodo, in the background the faint sound of 'my mother, your mother, lives down the street. Eighteen, nineteen, marble street. Every time we go there this is what they say- girls are sexy, made out of Pepsi, boys are rotten, made out of cotton…' could be heard accompanied by the slapping of hands of the two friends.

A merry time it was indeed.

They had completed several little ditties and rhymes, some of them many times over- 'down by the banks of the hanky-panky,' for example, had been sung probably about ten times, as had 'say say my playmate,' when Frodo went off to 'think.'

And as we all know this really meant 'get scared off to Mordor by a possessed Boromir.'

Elanor and Luthien looked at each other, a bit sad. 

This was it.

Soon they would be separated for who knew how long?

Well, the book knew how long and really it wasn't THAT long at all… but even so, it was a big scary war ridden world out there.

Elanor quickly made sure she had some lembas in her pocket, as well as her gift from dear old Galadriel, and then decided she was set for the road ahead. She just had to wait until Merry and Pippin disappeared and then she would follow them faithfully off. 

She quickly hugged Luthien around the legs. 'Bye bye Luthien,' she said quickly so that the others would not notice. 'Good luck with your legs not falling off…and your Leggy.'

Luthien grinned. 'And I hope you do not get trampled…or eaten… by orcs.'

'Thanks buddy.'

By now Boromir had also disappeared off into the woods. They both knew what was really going on in there and it wasn't very happy. Poor Frodo.

Back by the river side, no one else knew why Frodo was hesitating for so long with his decision. (Luthien and Elanor felt wise and knowledgeable.)

Everyone was saying that they wanted to go with Frodo even though he wouldn't want them to, when Borors came back. Aragorn questioned him and everyone got worried by his news of Frodo's flight. Merry and Pippin ignored Aragorn's calm orders and ran off like crazed loons on loon tablets crying out to Frodo. 'Go on quick!' Luthien hissed to Elanor like she was prompting her in a play or something, and Elanor obediently ran yelling after them. Gimli and Legolas also ran off like crazy loons and Luthien gave Boromir a quick hug before running off after them with a big grin on her face. 

They both ran through the trees in opposite directions, following their individual loves, when suddenly everything went black.

When their eyes cleared they found to their immense horror that they were standing out the front of their classroom in their school in Australia in reality.

And they were dressed as Pokey and Gumby.

'Oh. My. God,' Sarah-jane-that-was-once-Elanor whimpered, seeing her reflection in the glass door.

Lucy-who-was-only-a-moment-ago-Legolas'…stalker sank to her knees and pounded the grass with her fists in anger. 'Elbereth Gilthoniel,' she moaned. 'Oh my Illuvatar!'

It was then that they heard the sound of the Evil One. The Troll. She was laughing in her merry stupid way, each cackle driving a stake into the hearts of the innocent. Filling them with darkness and disgust.

They both knew that, if the Trollish one lay her bulgy eyes upon them, they would be in a rather large pile of merde.

'Quick!' Lucy hissed, leaping up. She grabbed Sarah-jane by the shoulder and pulled her behind the trailer that sat on the grass outside their classroom. Dear old trailer. Provider of shade and now shelter in a time of great need.

'Why?' Sarah-jane moaned as they watched IT go by, "Why now?'

'I think I know,' Lucy said, 'and I think I know what to do about it. Come on!'


End file.
